Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional so freaking frustrated (long post)

Hi all
I'm new here. I'm so frustrated I could scream! I'm having a hell of a time with my 6 year old son. Not him personally, he's awesome...but his school!! They put him in freaking kindergarden when his listening comprehension is almost at a 4th grade level! He's bored out of his skull and ANGRY as am I.

It's a long story but my highly gifted son has severe ADHD and has trouble with reading and writing. So the damn school treats him like a defective package. I had switched from ANOTHER school and they were like "test him, test him, he has such problems!"

So I tested him.

His verbal IQ is 150. He scored two 19's. One for vocabulary and the other for abstract reasoning. His social awareness was in the 99.9th percentile. It's his damn processing speed that is slowing him down. It's in the 34th percentile so it lowered his overall IQ to a "mere" 126.

The first school told me "we won't meet with you until your son's on medication."

WTF?????

Like Adderall, etc is a magic pill that will turn your kid into a model child. In other words, a complacent docile child. Hellloooo??? They acted like they could give a crap about my son's intellect. They wouldn't even address it.

One teacher had the gall to ask me "So if your son is so smart, why can't he read?" His voice dripped with sarcasm. Good thing we were on the phone or I would have been tempted to slap the guy.

For the record I DID put my son on medicine, to help him FOCUS. He had NO behavioral issues in class. He's on Intuniv but it makes him tired...it helps though.

The second school (the one that put him in kindergarden) made me keep my child out of class for almost a MONTH before they let him back in. They needed to see where to place him they said.

These were private religious schools. I considered public school but the one in our area is very poorly run. The gifted schools where I live cater only to the RICH. If you're poor like me, your child is basically screwed.

My only hope is moving to a more gifted friendly state, going to another country that gives a damn about education or who knows, getting my kid into the Young Scholars Program...
AAAAARRRGGGGHHH

Good Morning Exhausted,
My son is 14, 2E, with similar scores (Even the verbal/processing speed!) and bottlenecks and diagnosises. I guess the odds of us meeting are like a needle in the haystack - but there it is.

I hate that you have been treated so unprofessionally.

I wasn't willing to accept the ADHD diagnosis until after a gradeskip past 5th and 2 years to get past the worst of the enforced underachievement (which took tremendous maneuvering.)But it allowed him to be in classrooms which were at least at the 'edutainment' level, and I could finally see and believe my son when he said 'I want to pay attention, but I just can only make myself do it through the morning, after lunch I am toast - and it is interesting stuff so I want to so badly.)

Anyway, now that my son is on Stimulant Meds, he is still far from the model student, still not a bit complacent, still not a bit docile - to me it looks as if he feels more at home inside his skin. I tell myself that some of his anger must have been from having the 'gears' of his brain working at such vastly different speeds that they kept slipping with that awful screeching noise, and feelings to go along with it.

Also my son is externally competitive by nature, and it was hard on him to see kids who he knew didn't really understand what the teacher was saying still outperforming him on the daily tasks of school. I remember that feeling too actually ((red face)) - we can be a judgmental bunch, no?

Ah - you are new - did you know that the perfectionism the we ride ourselves with doesn't instantly turn off when we look out into the world? We call this 'outward directed perfectionism.' I tell my gifted friends that to live in this world we have to develop amphibian eyes that can see above and below the water at the same time, we need to see the world as it is - and celebrate every little victory, because given the actual state of the world, each little victory is a big deal, while at the same time being aware of our ideal world that can't help seeing how things 'should' be at every moment in every situation.

For the record, I still don't 'really' think my son has ADHD. I think he has some yet-unnamed condition that is only possible with super high IQ where the processing speed is so slow that stims are needed to get the gears rotating at the same-ish speed. Lucky us, it 'presents' like ADHD to people who don't get giftedness, and is helped by stimulant medication. Even I can recognize that I'm probably wrong (If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck....do is HAVE to be a duck?) but it does make me feel better, so I indulge myself that someday in the future, there will be a special variety of 'Grinity ADHD' that fits our boys.

I would encourage you to apply to DYS - they are good with 2E kids. I'm not really sure that there is such a thing as a 2E-friendly state....there is a good high school in LA....there is a school in Atlanta for 'bright' plus challenges students, which might be the 'least-worst' option is he likes lots of 'hands on learning.'

A gifted friendly state will work if you can get your son to 'present' like a gifted kid without the ADHD. When I go back over my son's elementary school years and ask myself "Knowing what I know now, could I have found a good fit environment for him?" and the answer is no. My son had to learn to type at 100 wpm before he could even consider doing the amount of work output that is expected of older kids. Weirdly - I'm totally pleased with how he has turned out: His work ethic, his interpersonal skills, his friendliness, his spark. Even though his early fit stunk. In a way I think what matters is that we keep that strong relationship and that they see us making serious effort to fix what needs to be fixed. Oh, and luck!

Is homeschooling an option? Starting your own school? I invite you to brainstorm your next possible steps with us. Getting a good 'mad' on has allowed me to overcome a lot of internal obstacles over the years.

Love and More love,
Grinity

Big hugs to you!! I understand the frustration. My DD is 8.5 and is HG with ADHD. Her school keeps skirting around enriching her curriculum until she gets her ADHD 'under control'. Like that is ever going to happen completely? In the meantime, she is losing her mind, so to speak, with boredom.

I do not have any advice to share, as we are just beginning to navigate these waters ourselves. But, you are not alone! This board is fabulous and I am sure you will get great advice. I started coming to this board for information and I stayed to maintain my sanity.

Big deep breath.

ETA - My daughter started medication treatment in first grade. She says that it changed her life (her words) because it helped to stop her brain from being 'itchy'. I'm not telling you this so that you will run out and medicate your child, but to show that it is worth keeping an open mind about all treatments. Also, meds are only a small part of what they need to be successful. My DD still needs ALOT of supports in the classroom.

My dd had similiar scores. The first tester, when she was 7, immediately said ADHD only because of the low processing score. However, I didn't buy that and neither did the teachers. She was retested by another tester at 10 which stilled showed the huge spread. This tester however, showed me something that came from WISC about interpreting the scores. I can't find it now but maybe you can google it. It showed that the only time there was a discrepency like that was Aspergers OR gifted. She clearly isn't aspy, so it must be an unusual gifted trait. It is Ok to be gifted AND have a slow processing speed. With that being said, the older she has got AND with the harder material the processing speed seems less and less noticable. She always said that the other stuff was too easy that she couldn't focus on it. That she learned it the first time the teacher said it and was miserable listening to it over and over. She finally skipped a 6th grade and is now in 7th doing wonderful and has not needed extra time to complete any assignments.(the schoool have her extra previously due to the score).
On another note, my friend's kid is truely ADHD and did not want him on meds. She uses "Attend" by Vaxa which is a herbal supplement. She researched it for a year before trying it. It has made a huge difference in her son. Even the other kids comment how well he is doing now. Maybe google that.

Hugs! I am right there in your boat also!

hi all thanks for the hugs and advice!

So a slow processing speed can be a sign of gifted, NOT ADHD?

I'm pretty sure he has ADHD though. He tries to focus and can't even when the material interests him. I remember I asked him once how he could have such a great memory yet he couldn't space in when I was trying to help him with his homework.

He answers "I have a disability that doesn't allow me to function."

ADD is on both sides of the family. My hubby is ADHD, I'm ADD inattentive, I have sibs and hubby has sibs with it too.

I don't think ADD is necessarily an illness but a different "wiring" in the brain that today's society can't cope with or appreciate.

I augment DS's education with Science Sundays:) I make every Sunday all about Science, his favorite subject. He loves Mythbusters, How It's Made, Stormchasers, etc.

Hugs to all!

Attend, hmmm? Def going to check that out!

Hi Exhausted -

Dealing with the school when you have a 2E child can be exhausting (and frustrating among other emotions!) As others have suggested, medication can be an important step in helping your child. But, this is a personal family decision and having been in your shoes, I can understand your concerns. No teacher has the right or the credentials (unless they are an MD) to diagnose ADHD and prescribe medication. I am glad that you have kept an open mind and considered all options. ADHD is a medical condition that can be treated many ways. Medication is usually the intervention that has the most positive and immediate outcome. But, as you know there are side effects and other considerations. It took me and my husband over two years to allow my son to try. In retrospect, I wish I had not waited as long. You will have to decide when the side effects outweigh the advantages.


OK - then there is the legal issue. It is against the law to mandate medication in the US. I would ask to see the school's written policy on this issue. If you want me to dig up some legal info on this issue, let me know and I will dig it up and post it for you. But, believe me, schools cannot do this. Period.

You mention that your son has reading and writing struggles. Were these areas tested? What were the findings. LD's and ADHD have a high comorbidity rate. If he has a reading disability, it must be treated along with the ADHD. Believe me, stimulants will not teach him the reading skills!!

It is very possible to have adhd and dyslexia and be very very bright. But, without the appropriate support and instruction, the brightness can be lost. Be sure to press the school about all of these issues.

Oh - slow processing speed can be a red flag for ADHD but it does not necessarily confirm the presence of ADHD. Most kids with ADHD and or language based learning disabilities have slower processing and or Working memory compared to their thinking skills (VCI and PRI). But, this is not a hard and fast rule - just a general rule.

Exhausted,

It is common for gifted kids to have slow processing speed.

The WISC-III specifically states that when a kid has high subtests in some areas and low processing speed, the full IQ score should be interpreted with caution. It may be more appropriate to use the GAI score to measure ability. The GAI omits processing speed and working memory.

ADHD dx in gifted kids should be treated with caution. Some gifted kids have a delay in the maturation of their prefrontal cortex and it makes them look ADHD-ish. It holds the early childhood learning window open longer, but delays the development of their ability to focus or sit still or use good social skills.

Brock and Fernette Eide are the authors of "The Mislabeled Child" which includes information on giftedness and other exceptionalities. They also have a blog at neurolearning.com.
They've written about ADHD/gifted similarities a lot.

You might find some of their writing useful.

http://mislabeledchild.com/

http://www.eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.com/