Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy how to have fun w/DS10?

I am having trouble having fun and finding things to do with my DS10. It feels like we have done it all or I don't do it well enough for him. He is tired of the zoo and museums, I'm not good enough at sports, he doesn't want to cook with me, I'm not adventurous/fast enough for hikes,or bike rides. It seems like nothing is good enough. I tell him if he is not satisified he should look at what is important, just being together, and making the most of our time. Just going to the grocery store could be fun with the right attitude.

Any fresh ideas to get us having fun together more often?

It requires pretty focused attention, but D (now 15) likes to play games like Chess, Risk, Stratego, etc. Strategy games especially. Even a couple of games of chess a week is a treat for D.

Another idea is starting a hobby with him. D got into bug collecting last year, and it has added some zest to any normal walk in the woods or fields near our house. We also maintain a bluebird trail (have for years), so that is some time together every week. And a great opportunity for bug collecting at the same time!

A new hobby together is a good idea. Any more suggestions for a DS10 and mom?

Maybe cooking could be possibility if it was jazzed up in some way -
creating recipies for aliens, or current favorite characters
or
study geography and international recipies
or
science and nutrition through cooking
or
politics/economics, what does the averate family of 4 live on, how much is for food, what kinds of recipes are possible on that budget.
or
writing a cookbook for kids.

Just some thoughts - by the time my son was 10, he was mostly into Magic Cards and computer games, so he and I got time together on those long car rides out to comic book stores to drop him off or pick him up for Magic Card events, or when new video games were released we'd make up elaborate ways for him to 'earn' hours of how much sleep I was willing to give up to drive him to EB Games at Midnight so that he could get the game and advance in it before his friends, which apparently was the most enjoyable part of the whole experience for him.

So it really was less of 'Mom and Son' experiences and more 'Hanging out while Mom drives' experiences.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Geocaching is another fun activity for two - exciting too!

DeHe

This is about the age where my kids wanted to spend HOURS discussing Harry Potter. I mean, all day if I would. And sometimes I did We were, however, waiting for the next books to come out through those years (which you wouldn't do now). So there was endless time to speculate on the nuances. D21 said recently that those long conversations were one of her favorite parts of childhood.

Mushroom hunting. My DS10 really got interested in this after a nature camp. We would find them, identify them, cook them and eat them (although only varieties that we were *really* sure weren't toxic). He liked the "danger" aspect of potentially choosing a toxic mushroom.

Taking turns reading a fun book aloud.

Planting a vegetable garden.

Making a movie with a family pet and doing voice over dialogue.

Wow. This is a great conversation. I'm taking notes.

Over here, it's rock climbing. I know it sounds really arduous, but it's deceptively easy to be the one on the ground. My kids love the challenge.

My son never got much into cooking until we started watching the Food Network's "Good Eats" with Alton Brown, and the "Iron Chef" competitions, even though his father is a gourmet cook and did most of the cooking for the family. DS wanted us to have our own Iron Chef contests at home, which we agreed to, and once the capacity to *win* was involved, you couldn't keep him out of the kitchen. It's a thought - it turns cooking from following instructions (not most boys' favorite activity) to a cross between solving a creative challenge and winning a battle.

My son will be 10 next week. :-) My approach is to see what he is interested in doing - the things he chooses on his own. When he is engaged in an activity (alone, not with friends) I might just come in and sit. Very often he starts talking about what he is doing and sometimes it leads to other discussions or not. Sometimes it leads to him asking if I want to try, which may or may not lead to a new family obsession for a few weeks (think pokemon or archery). My belief is that just spending time is the important thing and by observing or interacting with him while he is doing something he likes he feels my interest in him and desire to spend time with him.

This is so important and great to do...just spending time with them enjoying what they are into.

You already got a lot of great suggestions so don't have much to add to them except science experiments. You can get tons of books out of the library and do them together. It will be learning for the both of you. If he is into science there are several other things you could do involving building contraptions together, and other experiments. I also love the board game ideas. DS6 is really into strategy games. He is also really into Wii games which could be fun to do together if he is into that. Gets some energy out too in the winter when there is less to do. We may try geocaching this year. We are really into hiking and like camping too. But sometimes, DS enjoys something and I just come and share an interest and hang on for the ride of something he is working on.

Aculady - so many times when you post, I think that maybe it's me posting! You are a seperate person, yes? Sometimes I worry a little.

Wow! Bingo - that winning thing is a gamechanger at our house too.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Good point on adapting to what they are interested in. I have done that with sports over the years. When D was interested in tennis, we played tennis. Her teacher had back to back group kids/adult lessons, so we took lessons together. We went to tennis camp together, too.

When our kids were little, we did a lot of cross country skiing. When our kids got old enough to race on the school team, I tried racing in adult races. We could go out for weekend skis together.

I figure it is a good way for me to get exercise and spend time with them, and they have enjoyed it.

Grinity,

I know that I have seen us both logged in to the forum at the same time, so that is at least circumstantial evidence that we are, in fact, separate people.

A lot of your posts resonate with me, as well.

Thanks so much for the great ideas! I am feeling better.

He has mentioned he was interested in trying the geocaching. I think our zoo or park system has something like that.

I would also like to learn to play tennis better with him.

The contraptions idea is inspiring too. We have made stuff out of recylclables. You just inspired the idea of making like a marble run type of thing with wood and construction stuff. We have done this online before. He would love the cutting, hammering and figuring out. We could even paint it.

I started a family ( keep in the kitchen) sketch book for drawing and writing but his sister has been more interested, but that could change.

He would love the rockets. That also reminded me of another idea that I should look into. I want to go see model airplane competions. I'm not sure we can get one of those planes now but it might be fun for the future.

In urban areas, sometimes in addition to geocaching, there is "letterboxing" which is closely related, but depends more on following a patrol map using riddles.

My DD11 loves letterboxing.

There are also a lot of 'geek-science' books out there now that describe all sorts of very cool home-made contraptions to make out of pretty cheap/recycled supplies.

I second letterboxing! check out letterboxing.org for clues.

Great problem solving - that is indeed a relief!