Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How do you *really* know?

Hello -

I was wondering how parents *really* know if their young (under 3) child is gifted. I am pretty sure that my DD (22 months) *is* gifted, then again I am not sure! Does that make sense?

She does things that are so normal for her, but out of the ordinary for her age (according to the child dev. charts I have seen). The thing is she will do something and then not again for days/weeks/months.

After she takes a "break" from what ever it is she will come back to it and it's like she has been practicing and/or building upon this skill that she never utilized. (At least not that I saw her utilize it). This makes it so that I am constantly scratching my head wonder if she really did *X* or if it was just my imagination...that is until the next time she does it (or someting similar).

She does tend to not do things that set her apart in front of other people and sometimes hides it from my DH and I until she is comfortable with that skill (perfectionism, perhaps).

Here's a quick list of what she does/has done that makes me *sure* and at the same time not sure if she is gifted and if I should even be pursuing this. I didn't start keeping track until she was 16 months old. So, she may have been doing "above the norm" things before then and I just didn't realize it. So, I'm not including dates, but the top of the list will be around 16 months and the list will progress to her current age. I'll try to keep it brief, as this is already quite long.

Expressive vocab over 400 words, showed a true understanding of the words (not just mimicing); uses complete sentences 5 or more words; used proper grammar, pronouns; speaks in paragraphs (however, not all words are always intelligible); too many words to count in receptive language. (I started noting her language skills at 16 months and haven't counted or anything like that since then...)

Understands and speaks about 30 words in Spanish and French (self taught). Knows about 50 words in sign language (I only taught her about 15. She learned the rest from some sing and sign videos and from my sign language book -- on her own)

Knows all shapes, including obscure shapes like crescent and heart. Knows all colors including concept of mixing colors to get the color she wants.

Has exhibited knowledge and use of basic addition & subtraction up to the quantity of 20 (perhaps more, but that's all I've seen). She understands basic fractions, in so much that if she sees the number 1/4 and 1/2 she knows which is larger, the same with if she hears them spoken.

She has at least 50 sight words, has memorized most of her books, has started to read (decode words, sound them out, with and without using picture clues and knows what the words mean).

Memorizes songs and videos after listening to/watching them 2 -3 times, including actions, scenery, voice inflection, etc.

There's more but I'll stop here.

Sorry so long, I just want to give as accurate a picture of DD's abilities.

Thanks for reading! I look forward to the responses.

MM

Have you seen Deborah Ruf's work?

I am not sure how many people really know before their child is 3 - especially if it is their first child.

However, with 20 20 hindsight, I should have known. My son taught himself to read. He learned basic phonics in one day at 25 months. His memory was amazing - remembering books, remembering things that had happened 6 months earlier.... His puzzle working skills were great.

Like your daughter - he would switch gears. He would say a word - and then you wouldn't hear that word again for months. He could sing a song and carry a tune at 15 months. You couldn't understand a word - but he had the notes and rhythm right.

Even so - I didn't suspect that he was that special until he was turned down for admission to preschool at age 4. The school said he was too academically advanced for preschool and not mature enough for 2nd or 3rd grade. (Their estimate of what it would take to keep him challenged.)

Check out Ruf's Levels of gifted online as a quicky starting point. It isn't perfect - but it is accurate enough to give you an idea of how much more you need to learn about giftedness.

Knowledge is power....

Where have I heard that before?

Thank you.

I have seen Ruf's Levels and feel that DD is on the spectrum. I am just hesitant, because so much of it isn't (potentially) applicable, yet. Anyway, I chose where DD was based on her abilities thus far.

I am no expert, so to place her in "X" category makes me wonder if I am even qualified to even *think such a thing about DD.

Well, it looks like I should just press forward and learn, as much as, possible about this topic. I, agree, knowledge is power. And regardless of my DD's level of ability education is too important to just leave to chance. I want to be as informed as possible.

Thanks again,
MM

You are qualified. You spend a great deal of time with her. So much isn't know about these really unusually gifted kids that i wish you had a reason to feel humbled by the wisdom of the experts - sorry.

The question is - what do you need that you aren't getting, at this stage of your parenting?

"The question is - what do you need that you aren't getting, at this stage of your parenting? "

I think it's just a matter of wanting to do what is best for DD. It's the same devotion that I had when I was pregnant, "Am I up to this? Will I be able to do this important job well? Will I look back and know that I did my best" I felt that way the first moment I held her, and I feel that way now.

Also, since, she is my first, I don't really know what "normal" is and the charts never seemed to really apply to DD. I just chalked it up to every child is different.

I want to be able to make as informed decisions, as possible for DD. Especially, regarding things, such as education.

I hope that made sense...

"The question is - what do you need that you aren't getting, at this stage of your parenting? "

I think every parent, new or experienced, needs, or at least deserves, a peer group of other parents who's kids resemble their kid, both for an report-back group when we do well and for support. Parenting is work, and we could sure use the kind of support a Union provides.

Cheers to you for keeping your eyes open! If you can arrange your financial life so that homeschooling is a possibility if needed, then I would reccomend you do so. If not, don't worry, it will be what it is.

I wish I had a sure fire way to suggest that you get local support, have you checked into your state's gifted association? Is there a nearby university that has anything?

Another thing to try is to start interviewing your family trees about their histories. I usually ask if they know anyone who grade skipped. Everyone has "baggage" of some kind about school and their own intelligence, and becoming a parent is a good opportunity to revisit these issues if they haven't been "resolved" yet.

Sometimes, one's pediatrician can be a good source of support, as they see a wide range of development. Sometimes not.

Good luck and keep going. Enjoy every minute you can. It's ok to worry. (((smiles)))
Trinity

Suppose that someone were to tell you that your daughter isn't gifted.

Would you do anything different for the next 3 years?

My guess is no - so don't worry about the label for now. Assume she is the most special smart creative child in the world. Act accordingingly.

You will never regret that.

As time goes on, you will find out more from her - and you can expand your research and understanding. However, I personally believe that the preschool years ought to be fun and play. Just follow your child's lead on their definition of play. Maybe it is coloring pictures of ponies - or maybe it is reading a space encyclopedia together or learning to play chess.

As long as it is fun.... because if she is gifted, the fun too often stops when school starts.

Mary

Mary -

No, I wouldn't act differently. However, it isn't about the "label" it's about understanding and preparing for DD's future. The more I know the better I will be able to advocate for her should the need arise.

MM

I have the same questions about my four year old, Marshall. We are getting ready to have him tested and I am a nervous wreck. I think it's because I didn't want to "test" him, but we are having sooo many issues with his preschool and at home. He is so strong willed that I can't get him to do ANYTHING that he doesn't want to do. We think he is gifted because he was explaining to us the concept of war in the car, or telling his doctor about pistons in a train, picking out chapter books at the library, adding and subtracting, etc. However, he can't read, or maybe he is hiding it. He has always been late in the "milestones" because he won't do anything until he can do it 100%, which makes his preschool teachers think that he is slow. They are frustrated because he doesn't listen, has issues at "circle time", is very intense with the other kids, wants to direct, has to tell stories or talk constantly. Does this sound familiar?
If we weren't having behavioral issues, I'm not sure we would agree to the testing. But, we live in Fort Wayne, IN and I am not sure what oportunities are out there as far as schooling is concerned. We have thought about home schooling, but he is way too social for that. We may go monisory (spelling ?) which has more freedom to go at your own pace. This is a whole new world for us, one we weren't expecting. Marshall is also very little for his age, at four he is the size of a normal two year old, which doesn't help matters.
Any advise or suggestions? I just wanted to let you know that I can completely empathize. My biggest question...now what?