Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Children who 'push'

I am big on consequences. I will follow through and cancel a sleepover at the last minute.

DD needs to know when not to cross the line otherwise she is going to lose a lot of jobs when she grows up and have very few friends.

Ren

Yes, for all the "wrong" that she feels she did, she did a LOT right. And for that I am very grateful. I have a great mentor!

I think this is the hardest part with these kids. The struggles we go through as parents with our own feelings towards them. Obviously we all love our kids a lot, but when they are so intense it breaks us down, we start to resent them and/or not like them.

It's one of the things that DH and I do well as co-parents - allow each other to have our own down time. It's a MUST for any parent, but especially those with intensely GT children! I agree that you MUST take time for yourselves!

YES!!! Very very true. In my situation, I am more of an introvert and DS is definately an extrovert and that combination is exhausting! Time out is so important.

I actually have had a bit of a break last night an this morning. It has been bliss!

Thank you all sooo much!

I'm a bold stubborn Aries and both my kid's are libra's, hopefully astrology's true because then they will have a little more temperance than I had. �I hope so. �I'm trying to get my hands on some CBT literature as a back-up plan. �What I've seen about it browsing online is that it supposedly puts you in charge of your ownself, which �if I can teach my kid's that responsibity I'll be happy that they know how to stay out of trouble. �
Watching Cesar Milan today and he said the same thing I have been reading in this thread. "Work on one behavior at a time."�
More examples- last night walking out of the store he kept telling (ordering) me to "stay" while his dad and sister walked to the car. �He tried to walk me back into the store. �I inched him to the car slowly without him crying. �I've been known to drag him there on my shoulder before, but we had extra time last night. �I know, he wants to spend more time with me, he's got a new sister and his dad keeps leaving for a week. �I'm glad I saw the nurtured heart before we started this. �He does stuff to get in trouble all the time when I'm nursing the baby to make me stop. �Everybody says it's for attention, that's classic wisdom. �But I wouldn't have really understood without the description that a parent's energy is like food and water to a kid. �Pushing buttons? �The boy started jumping on the bed around me while I was trying to nurse the baby. �There's no doubt he knew how wrong that was and he did it intentionally. �That's normal kid behavior. �Nothing I can do but wait it out. �Inhale. �Exhale. �It's making me very angry. �The baby is a picky nurser, gotta nurse just right or she won't nurse. �Wyatt keeps trying to make me talk, espy doesnt like me to talk. Inhale, 2,3,4. �Exhale, 3,4.. I can only guess it makes an awkward vibration. �I want to be on my babymoon, but I have a 3 yr 0ld. �
I really don't have it in me to do the thirty second time outs right now. �But it looks like I have to. �Actually the extra time teaching him better manners or other discipline would also be giving him extra attention and high quality energy.
I know what's happening. �In my mind I know what I'm in the middle of. �That means this is probably one of the easier problems in my parenting future.

There, I said it. It was killing me to want to say something and not say it. Even though I know it's age appropriate and ND behavior. Phew.

I hope it does help. Sometime just getting it all out there can really help, even if it doesn't change anything. That was why i started this thread. I just needed to let it out!

It is so hard! Sometime I have to remind myself that I do have the right to rest! It isn't me being whimiscal, it is a basic human need and it is ok!


Something that helped a little when my second was a newborn was remembering that he had his brother's attention. His brother had never had that. He also had more of his father's attention. It was of necessity but it was still beneficial.

I also learned to make the most of the tiny slivers of time that came along. Every little sliver I had where I just had one. Savor it, and I truly believe they somehow know that. Hang in there, it is a hard time, but it does get better.

(Please email to me in say four months time, when my next baby arrives, lol!)

La Texican,

Any chance you can make the time right before and right after nursing the baby special attention times for your 3 yr. old?

Can you enlist him to be your special helper, getting you a blanket or pillow, bringing you a drink, doing other little things that give you an opportunity to tell him how important and helpful he is to you beforehand? And can think of something that he can do that will have him quietly getting things ready for the two of you to do something that he really likes when you are finished with nursing? Also, have you considered getting him a baby doll that he can take care of while you take care of the real one? Then instead of "I have to ignore you while I take care of someone more important.", which may be how he is feeling now, the situation can be "WE need to take care of our babies now, together. Remember, our babies like it to be quiet or they can't eat..." These are just some thoughts. I hope they are helpful.

Lol, yeah sometimes, once in a while I get to drive to the post office and check the mail and go to the corner store and check the mail All By Myself. *cartwheel smilyicon*.
Thanks Geomamma, I guess I did need to vent and get reassurance mostly. He keeps trying to teach her stuff. Today I intercepted him from putting a sharpened pencil in her hand with a piece of paper so she could draw. Wow, juggling three are ya? Everyone keeps telling me 3 kids is much harder than 2. I don't know what they mean but I believe them.
Acculady those are great suggestions. I'm trying to work it out so that he gets the attention, the baby gets the attention, the house gets the attention, kind of in a predictable rotating pace. (see my post in annette's 2.5 yr old post). It might work, if not this stage will still pass. Sigh.
And the doll, I'd love to have a doll. He had an old doll of mine. It started ripping too much from age. I got rid of it to get a new one. Now the hubby doesn't want his boy to have a doll. He didn't put his foot down. But so far we both mostly care about each other's parenting wishes since being parents is kind of like a wish granted to both of us. Aww, the topic here is not the hubby's testy traits, but there it is. The boy said something about his doll recently. What doll, I asked. "The one at the HEB store", he said, giving me a loaded look. I told the hubby. He said, "tell him girls get dolls boys get Teddy bears", and ask what he wants a doll for. He said, "for you to nurse it". We'll see, but I think, now, that it's ok for me to nurse the baby as long as I nurse the Teddy bear at the same time. Hey, talking really did help. Thanks. I'll tell you how it goes.

Eta: I changed the end of my post because the hubby called when I was making the post and I think me and the boy have worked something out. Thanks acculady. Great timing.