Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS resistant to grade skip

First, I should say that I am new here. I have been looking around for a few weeks. Now I am hoping for some information.

DS7 is in 1st grade. We have advocated for him since he started K last year and have been pretty successful in geting various accomodations. Last year they advanced him to 1st grade reading. This year he started the year going to a 3rd grade reading class. He is also advanced in math. His fall MAP scores were 217 for Math and 206 for Reading.

At his PT Conference in November, the principal also attended and made some suggestions on what they could do for him in math, etc.. #1 was adjustments in his 1st grade class with computer based curriculum, #2 was sending him to a 2nd grade class for math and #3 was a whole grade skip. We chose number 2 for now so he goes to 2nd grade for math (but it is still below his level). We also discussed possibly the full grade skip at the end of this semester (or year). The principal also requested that she be allowed to go ahead and do the cognitive/academic tests now which we agreed to. We met a few weeks ago about the tests - they did the WJ for both cognitive and achievement and his general results were 140 for cognitive and 148 for achievement. They also did the Iowa Acceleration and he is an excellent candidate for a whole grade skip.

After all of this, my DH and I have gotten fairly comfortable with a full grade skip for DS. Our DS is old for his grade, extremely outgoing and makes friends easily for the most part, although I notice that he has interests different than most of his same age peers (i.e. he was Huck Finn for Halloween last year and a classmate accused him of making the character up). He has been in classes with older kids since he started school and everyone seems to know him at school.

Anyway, I post all of this because my DS is adamant that he does not want a whole grade skip. The problem is that he does not articulate why. He just says he wants to stay in his grade. He is only in his same grade classroom for 2 hours of the day and he seems to like going to different classes.

So I am wondering if anyone else has had this situation and what you all think about his reaction?

Hmm, that's a hard one b/c he isn't giving you specific reasons why he doesn't want to skip. Having been through an IAS with dd12 when she skipped, I do know that the child not wanting to skip is an automatic disqualifier for further considering the skip.

I usually would say to not push it, but it does sounds like it may be in his best interests both socially and academically. He certainly sounds plenty able and high enough achieving and, with being on the older end for grade, he likely won't have major issues with being smaller or worse at sports which seem to be things people worry more about with boys. I can also say that, for my dd who was already the youngest in her grade, the skip worked very well both socially and academically.

Could you present it to him as a trial? Would they be willing to start sending him to 2nd after the holiday break since he is there for a good chunk of the day already? He might find that it isn't as big of a deal as he thinks and it might be less intimidating if it is presented as a temporary option you are trying to see what he thinks.

Do you think that it is possible that he is concerned that he will no longer be viewed as the smart kid if he is placed with older kids all day? My dd10, for instance, is in a 6th grade math class with other 5th graders (she's in 5th) and one 4th grader. The kids all think that the 4th grader is a genius. She also has a child in her GT reading class who, after starting K a bit later, skipped a grade & who is actually older than dd, but, again, the other kids are really impressed with how smart she must be to have skipped.

I don't know your son's personality at all so I don't know if losing his status as a "big fish" might be coming into play, but it's a thought. For my dd12, she isn't at the top of her math class after skipping, but she's as much as 2.5 yrs younger than some of the kids in her grade and she's still in the top 10% of her grade for math and still in the 99th for everything else. It hasn't put her in the position of being average.

Maybe reassuring him that it is uncommon for the school to recommend this and that the adults really feel that he will be successful in the next grade might help.

My dd was just skipped from K to 1st at the beginning of Dec. She was really resistant to it at first. We asked her why and her main thing was friends. We explained to her that it would really help with her boredom (She was waking up every morning complaining of a stomachache in Kindergarten because she was so bored and just didn't want to go). My husband and I and our whole team of school staff talked about it during our GIEP meeting and decided it would be best for her. Almost a month later, no more problems with her getting up. She wants to go to school. She likes school (She's still a little bored but they are working on that, she's currently doing 3rd grade math and reading in her classroom and taking Spanish). DD still says that she wishes she was in K (She really doesn't see the kids except in the hall) she is much happier in 1st. There is currently some talk of moving her to 3rd next year when she goes to the bigger school (Our school has K-1 in one building and 2-5 in another and the didn't want to skip her 2 grades because they didn't want to take her completely away from the school so early) and we figure we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I vote for offering the trial run as well. I think it's a little less dramatic when done mid-year, and I'd tell him it wouldn't be advertised as an "official" full-skip until after the trial period. The trial also makes the move very easy to unwind, if necessary.

Our son skipped from 4th to 5th mid-year with a trial period set for 60 days. His day was split with about 60% of the day being in 5th, sometimes more.

Thankfully, the receiving teacher said that he was satisfied with making the full & complete skip after only a couple of weeks, and the principal approved the change. I was happy because it turned out that DS was missing out on quite a bit when schedules didn't mesh perfectly. For example, he often found himself sitting for a test for which he had missed the preparatory class time.

Hopefully, your son will be more forthcoming as to his reasons and/or he will be agreeable to the trial period. The IAS is pretty firm on the issue of the child not being receptive.

Please do keep us posted.

I don't have anything to add to the excellent advice above, just laughing at


Because, of course, you aren't allowed to use made-up characters for Halloween! You must stick with whatever has been on TV in the last week.

Could you plan for and approach an end of year skip instead of a mid-year skip? Maybe a skip in the middle seems hard, with disruption, not knowing the "rules" of the new class etc. But just making the jump with his math friends at the end of the year would be easier?

My son did a Christmas break skip from 1st to 2nd last year. His biggest concern was that he would get in trouble for sitting at a different table at lunch. It took a while to get to the root of what his concern was because he had been asking for months for the skip. We reassured him that the principal would take care of everything. Sure enough, the principal forgot to notify the lunchroom monitors and DS got in trouble for being in the wrong seat.

Sometimes it's the little things that get in their head and cause panic. If you can figure it out and smooth the path, it might be much easier.

My DD (then 5) was grade skipped from K to 1st Grade after one week of school. She was originally concerned about the skip because she had made friends and liked where she was. Her school allowed her the option of a grade skip with the potential to change back if things did not work out. That seemed to give her the extra courage to make the skip. Two years later, everything has worked beautifully with the grade skip and there have been no regrets.

With your son, you may want to ask him specific questions. Are you concerned about being the smallest or youngest kid in the class? Are you concerned about other children making better grades? Are you concerned about P.E. or physical abilities? Are you concerned with learning cursive writing? Are you concerned about harder work or more homework?

Once you narrow down his concerns, it will be easier to work through them.

Good luck!

I know this is part of the IAS, but it seems like a very difficult issue to put before a young child, no matter how intellectually advanced they are. My guess is that the first thing that would go through a child's mind would be all the things they would miss about their old class.

My 8yo was asked by her school if she wanted to grade skip a month ago. We hadn't discussed it a home with her before hand because we didn't want to promise her something that the school wouldn't end up delivering and we wanted her to answer the question without feeling like we were putting words in her mouth. Her first response to the guidance counselor was hesitant. Luckily, the principal knows my dd well enough that she showed dd what her new daily schedule would be and they highlighted the recess and lunch times when she would be able to mix with her age peer friends. Actually seeing the schedule, helped my dd get her mind around what exactly she was being offered and all the new opportunities she will have as a 4th grader.

Now, is that she is really looking forward to the skip, ie has insisted on new school supplies, a new first day of school photo, a raise in her allowance, etc. (She thought all that up, I promise no bribes!) Also, She is going to continue to do gym with 3rd grade because it is a better fit for her physically as well as for her math class schedule. She is young for 3rd and not so coordinated, so I think the fact that the 3rd grade gym fits into her new schedule better helps boost her confidence about the whole thing.

Deonne, if your child does skip, what can they look forward to in the new class? Does science meet more often? Do they do something new in music? Is there a kid in the class they really like?

In the absence of any other mitigating factors that haven't been shared, the fact that he is already old for his grade would decide it for me.

I've got a child who is young for his grade, and the alternative placement would have been unbelievably inappropriate. His borderline birthday turned out to be a stroke of luck.

Obviously you need to deal with his reluctance, but my focus would be "How can I make him OK with this?" not "Should we do this?"

I like CAmoms suggestion of maybe waiting until the end of the year if you think the negatives would outwiegh the benefits of the immediate skip.

I've thought the same thing a few times especially about my older one. Both of my girls made the cut off by days and the youngest only b/c one district pushed the cut-off out by two weeks the year she started making her eligible that year whereas she wouldn't have been in years prior.

I was unaware that people held kids out a year until my oldest started and I started hearing from people that she was too young and should wait a year for K. I'll always remember calling our neighborhood school to ask the principal about this. She told me that "the younger students invariably fail" and that being younger would get harder and harder academically as she got older. I believe the final words from her were something about how she'd need remediation in K and throughout school and I would be doing her a great disservice starting her that year. Having learned more later, I know that pretty much everything she told me was baloney and I can't tell you how glad I am that we didn't wait especially since she wound up skipping a grade later even with having started on time.

I'd agree that your son not having the good luck to fall on the younger side of that cut-off does make it seem even that much better of an idea to move him ahead.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I have had multiple conversations with DS about it and sometimes he gives me little pieces of information. For example, the other day he said next year I want to go to 2nd grade and learn 2nd grade things to which I replied well you know most of the 2nd grade things now to which he replied, yeah I guess so. My husband believes it is a control issue and I think having him (DS) mull it in his mind and get confortable with the reasoning behind would make a difference so I am taking baby steps with that and am thinking that a year end skip might be better. Although, I like the trial skip approach too and that is something that I will discuss with DH, etc.

Cricket2 - I don't think it is the big fish issue. He has been subject accelerated and is at the top of those classes as well. He has already been advanced once from the initial 1st grade placement for reading. Plus, he is generally very confident. He does not have a concept of failure - which is mostly my husband's doing because they both have the similar anything is possible attitude. My DS plays several sports and some have been initially difficult for him - he just keeps practicing and plugging away and he always ends up doing well.

CAMom, it is funny that you should mention the lunch thing because at DS's school the grades eat together in 15 minute intervals and he said he likes having lunch earlier, so maybe that is his way of saying he wants to eat with his 1st grade friends.

Crys - in terms of what we can look forward too, first GT starts in 3rd grade. The principal is anxious to get him there because she feels that is where they can make adjustments easier. I am slightly skeptical because the GT at our school is not that great, but I think we can be successful in advocating a little bit there too. There is almost no science in the 1st grade - they have a 40 minute block for social studies and science each day, but they often skip it to do writing. Anything is better than that.

Our PTA sponsors after school enrichment programs that try to expand what the kids get in the school day. Most of it involves art, science and math. Some of the classes are for 3-5 grade so all of that would be available to him. Actually, I am the coordinator of the class selections and have worked really hard on getting STEM focused and other high quality programs.

Finally, I just think it would be easier to advocate for him. Some in the school (teachers) have been resistent to two grade acceleration in some areas and I just think if he is whole grade accelerated (which they have never done and some teachers are actually shocked that it was the principal's idea) the culture will start to change and more teachers, etc. will start to realize that we have to do more for students like DS. Also, just in terms of the quality of teachers, they get better at his school in 2nd grade and much better in the 3rd grade. I am a little frustrated with his 1st grade teacher (although I generally like him because he seems to accept some of my DS's quirks - i.e.singing in class and intense curiosity) but he just doesn't see why DS cannot plow through work way below his level. He says things like "some kids are on phonics book 4 and your son is only on 1" When I try to explain that DS could do book 1 two years ago and finds it excruciating to work on, he just doesn't get it. But at this point he is only there 2 hours a day, so it is not that bad.

Thanks again all. I appreciate all the wisdom and guidance I have experienced on this board.

I just have to say what I wonderful attitude that is! It has taken a lot of work to get my dd12 to that point. She used to just give up whenever she wasn't fabulous at something with the first try. Skipping her helped a lot in terms of that attitude adjustment. Dd10 is still a work in progress in terms of trying to get her to plug away at things that are hard.

Good luck as you continue to get your ds to warm to the idea. From what you describe of your ds' school, it sounds a lot like my dd10's elementary and the afterschool programming and GT pull-outs, while better than at some of our other local schools, weren't enough for my dd12. I did find that, once she hit middle school, it was easier to meet her needs b/c kids move around a lot anyway. I, like you, doubt that it will be easy to meet your ds' needs in the 3rd grade GT class, but having him be on the younger end in the class and getting him there sooner is better than not.

Cricket2 - yes it is a nice quality and one I find very admirable in both my DS and DH. I struggle a lit bit and tend to naturally be a cup half empty person but they have helped me tremendously in that area.

On a completely off topic note, I clicked on your my articles link and discovered that we are both Cal alums. Go Bears. I look forward to reading your work.

Dottie - sports is a consideration especially for my DH who objected to the skip initially because of that. But, sports is another thing that has been significantly cut from schools. While there are sports teams at the high school and a few at middle school, most kids that are interested in sports play little league or some other type of club sport and high school sports. My DS loves sports and right now he plays baseball, basketball, wrestles and skis (we ski together for fun) none of that is through school. Even in HS, wrestling and basketball are in the same season, so he will eventually have to choose. And, I just think that if he skips and can't play varsity baseball until 11th grade because of it when maybe he could have played in 10th grade, I think that would be fine.

It may be that he doesn't want to leave either his teacher or some of the other children in the class. If this turns out to be the case, would it be possible for him to have homeroom, lunch, or PE with his current class? Leaving him with his current grade for PE would probably make sense anyway, unless he is also precocious physically.

I agree with some of the other comments here that it really seems to make sense to do the grade skip, and the challenge at this point is to find ways to bring him on board with this idea.

I would push for the skip also. DD was grade skipped this year (though she was never hesitant to it. She was all for it.) That being said, I think you should maybe wait until the end of the year. You can talk about it with him for the remainder of this school year (and with it being January, the year is half over practically.) You can focus on teh argument that he will not necessarily be with the same kids he was in class with this year during next school year anyhow. One thing that was a HUGE help for us, we waited until the current school year started for the skip, but we did have DD transition the last week of school. She was paired with a student that would be in the receiving grade and was purposely placed in class with this student the following year when the skip took place to have someone she was familiar with. She was able to meet some of the kids she'd be in class with the following year. It was a VERY positive thing, not to mention, her current teacher before the skip wanted her to come back to the class she would be leaving behind for the last day of school but DD really didn't want to and was ready to move on, BUT.... she went back to her old classmates that last day. The other thing that helps is to talk about that the friends that will be left behind in the class he is in, will STILL be his friends even though he won't be in the same grade. He can still have playdates and stay in contact with them so that he doesn't feel he is missing out on that part. As Dottie mentioned, the skip for our DD was NOT a solution, as she still pulled off a 4.3 GPA with the skip and isn't challenged, however, the curriculum is more interesting and offers more indepence. It's not a solution, but imagine where we'd be if we didn't do it. Also, I see it a stepping stone as to where we need to get to, not a solve-all.

I keep this idea in my mind whenever I begin to question the sanity of having our son skip.

Most boys in our district turn nine during third or fourth grade. Our son turned nine right after the start of sixth grade. Reading discussions like this typically cause knots in my stomach from nagging doubt over our decision, especially as we look forward to high school and *gasp* *choke* *sputter* ... college.

To help reassure myself, I simply imagine putting him back into 3rd or 4th grade with his age-mates. Then, when I stop laughing myself silly, I remember all the reasons why we needed to move him up in grade level and bring about renewed solace regarding our decision. (Until the next discussion thread like this one, of course.)

Just an update. A few nights ago DS and I were talking about his math test and he told me that the teacher said if he missed 3 or less, they would get 4s on their report cards. I said well that doesn't really apply to you because you are in 1st grade and that is for the 2nd grade class. Then he said you know maybe I should go to 3rd grade next year because I really already know all the second grade stuff and what will there be for me to learn? Exactly, I thought but did not say. I just left it at that.

DH still has some sports related concerns, but we have discussed that. I can explain it all logically as to why I think a skip is a good idea, but I also just have it in my gut that a skip is a good step for DS (though not the last step for sure). I don't know if I will feel the same when he is leaving for college a year earlier, but I have a few years to deal with that.