Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS resistant to grade skip

Thanks for the replies so far.

I have had multiple conversations with DS about it and sometimes he gives me little pieces of information. For example, the other day he said next year I want to go to 2nd grade and learn 2nd grade things to which I replied well you know most of the 2nd grade things now to which he replied, yeah I guess so. My husband believes it is a control issue and I think having him (DS) mull it in his mind and get confortable with the reasoning behind would make a difference so I am taking baby steps with that and am thinking that a year end skip might be better. Although, I like the trial skip approach too and that is something that I will discuss with DH, etc.

Cricket2 - I don't think it is the big fish issue. He has been subject accelerated and is at the top of those classes as well. He has already been advanced once from the initial 1st grade placement for reading. Plus, he is generally very confident. He does not have a concept of failure - which is mostly my husband's doing because they both have the similar anything is possible attitude. My DS plays several sports and some have been initially difficult for him - he just keeps practicing and plugging away and he always ends up doing well.

CAMom, it is funny that you should mention the lunch thing because at DS's school the grades eat together in 15 minute intervals and he said he likes having lunch earlier, so maybe that is his way of saying he wants to eat with his 1st grade friends.

Crys - in terms of what we can look forward too, first GT starts in 3rd grade. The principal is anxious to get him there because she feels that is where they can make adjustments easier. I am slightly skeptical because the GT at our school is not that great, but I think we can be successful in advocating a little bit there too. There is almost no science in the 1st grade - they have a 40 minute block for social studies and science each day, but they often skip it to do writing. Anything is better than that.

Our PTA sponsors after school enrichment programs that try to expand what the kids get in the school day. Most of it involves art, science and math. Some of the classes are for 3-5 grade so all of that would be available to him. Actually, I am the coordinator of the class selections and have worked really hard on getting STEM focused and other high quality programs.

Finally, I just think it would be easier to advocate for him. Some in the school (teachers) have been resistent to two grade acceleration in some areas and I just think if he is whole grade accelerated (which they have never done and some teachers are actually shocked that it was the principal's idea) the culture will start to change and more teachers, etc. will start to realize that we have to do more for students like DS. Also, just in terms of the quality of teachers, they get better at his school in 2nd grade and much better in the 3rd grade. I am a little frustrated with his 1st grade teacher (although I generally like him because he seems to accept some of my DS's quirks - i.e.singing in class and intense curiosity) but he just doesn't see why DS cannot plow through work way below his level. He says things like "some kids are on phonics book 4 and your son is only on 1" When I try to explain that DS could do book 1 two years ago and finds it excruciating to work on, he just doesn't get it. But at this point he is only there 2 hours a day, so it is not that bad.

Thanks again all. I appreciate all the wisdom and guidance I have experienced on this board.

I just have to say what I wonderful attitude that is! It has taken a lot of work to get my dd12 to that point. She used to just give up whenever she wasn't fabulous at something with the first try. Skipping her helped a lot in terms of that attitude adjustment. Dd10 is still a work in progress in terms of trying to get her to plug away at things that are hard.

Good luck as you continue to get your ds to warm to the idea. From what you describe of your ds' school, it sounds a lot like my dd10's elementary and the afterschool programming and GT pull-outs, while better than at some of our other local schools, weren't enough for my dd12. I did find that, once she hit middle school, it was easier to meet her needs b/c kids move around a lot anyway. I, like you, doubt that it will be easy to meet your ds' needs in the 3rd grade GT class, but having him be on the younger end in the class and getting him there sooner is better than not.

Cricket2 - yes it is a nice quality and one I find very admirable in both my DS and DH. I struggle a lit bit and tend to naturally be a cup half empty person but they have helped me tremendously in that area.

On a completely off topic note, I clicked on your my articles link and discovered that we are both Cal alums. Go Bears. I look forward to reading your work.

Dottie - sports is a consideration especially for my DH who objected to the skip initially because of that. But, sports is another thing that has been significantly cut from schools. While there are sports teams at the high school and a few at middle school, most kids that are interested in sports play little league or some other type of club sport and high school sports. My DS loves sports and right now he plays baseball, basketball, wrestles and skis (we ski together for fun) none of that is through school. Even in HS, wrestling and basketball are in the same season, so he will eventually have to choose. And, I just think that if he skips and can't play varsity baseball until 11th grade because of it when maybe he could have played in 10th grade, I think that would be fine.

It may be that he doesn't want to leave either his teacher or some of the other children in the class. If this turns out to be the case, would it be possible for him to have homeroom, lunch, or PE with his current class? Leaving him with his current grade for PE would probably make sense anyway, unless he is also precocious physically.

I agree with some of the other comments here that it really seems to make sense to do the grade skip, and the challenge at this point is to find ways to bring him on board with this idea.

I would push for the skip also. DD was grade skipped this year (though she was never hesitant to it. She was all for it.) That being said, I think you should maybe wait until the end of the year. You can talk about it with him for the remainder of this school year (and with it being January, the year is half over practically.) You can focus on teh argument that he will not necessarily be with the same kids he was in class with this year during next school year anyhow. One thing that was a HUGE help for us, we waited until the current school year started for the skip, but we did have DD transition the last week of school. She was paired with a student that would be in the receiving grade and was purposely placed in class with this student the following year when the skip took place to have someone she was familiar with. She was able to meet some of the kids she'd be in class with the following year. It was a VERY positive thing, not to mention, her current teacher before the skip wanted her to come back to the class she would be leaving behind for the last day of school but DD really didn't want to and was ready to move on, BUT.... she went back to her old classmates that last day. The other thing that helps is to talk about that the friends that will be left behind in the class he is in, will STILL be his friends even though he won't be in the same grade. He can still have playdates and stay in contact with them so that he doesn't feel he is missing out on that part. As Dottie mentioned, the skip for our DD was NOT a solution, as she still pulled off a 4.3 GPA with the skip and isn't challenged, however, the curriculum is more interesting and offers more indepence. It's not a solution, but imagine where we'd be if we didn't do it. Also, I see it a stepping stone as to where we need to get to, not a solve-all.

I keep this idea in my mind whenever I begin to question the sanity of having our son skip.

Most boys in our district turn nine during third or fourth grade. Our son turned nine right after the start of sixth grade. Reading discussions like this typically cause knots in my stomach from nagging doubt over our decision, especially as we look forward to high school and *gasp* *choke* *sputter* ... college.

To help reassure myself, I simply imagine putting him back into 3rd or 4th grade with his age-mates. Then, when I stop laughing myself silly, I remember all the reasons why we needed to move him up in grade level and bring about renewed solace regarding our decision. (Until the next discussion thread like this one, of course.)

Just an update. A few nights ago DS and I were talking about his math test and he told me that the teacher said if he missed 3 or less, they would get 4s on their report cards. I said well that doesn't really apply to you because you are in 1st grade and that is for the 2nd grade class. Then he said you know maybe I should go to 3rd grade next year because I really already know all the second grade stuff and what will there be for me to learn? Exactly, I thought but did not say. I just left it at that.

DH still has some sports related concerns, but we have discussed that. I can explain it all logically as to why I think a skip is a good idea, but I also just have it in my gut that a skip is a good step for DS (though not the last step for sure). I don't know if I will feel the same when he is leaving for college a year earlier, but I have a few years to deal with that.