Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy emotions and expectations

Good on 'ya for bragging, Bianca! That's exactly the kind of stuff I personally LOVE to hear! You have every right to be proud, and I'm glad you're sharing that happy pride with us.

I actually wrote an article about bragging on our kids for my local mom's club newsletter a couple of years ago. Basically, my premise was that if our kids only ever hear us complaining about them, then that's what they'll think we think of them. Far better that they hear us saying the nice stuff, too.

So brag on! I'm happy that we can all rejoice together!

Brag away, Bianca! I love having a forum where we can "brag" -- read, share successes -- about our children without being ostracised for having a child that is so outside the norm. Truth is, many parents feel threatened by kids like this and you really can't share without being seen as "braggy" or "pushy."

And even on boards for gifted children, this is the least competitive I've seen. The sharing of numbers is for information and insight. Do I compare ds to others? Well, sure -- it's impossible not to. But do I feel like anyone thinks their child is better than mine, with higher test scores or a DYS acceptance or whathaveyou? Certainly not. I really like the community feel of this board, which is informative and jam-packed with brilliant children without being condescending to newcomers.

But now I'm curious, Ren -- have you visited gifted boards that are *less* competitive than this one? I'd be interested to check it out, because the other gifted board that I'm a regular on is much more "one-uppity" than this, though still not terrible.

I haven't visited any other boards. I tried the hoagie board but didn't find recent postings, maybe I looked in the wrong place.

But I am surprised the nerve I hit. Thank you Dottie for your comment.

There is a section called Educational Advocacy. Advocacy requires that we push, sometimes hard to get what our children need. We push because we believe our children require those special attentions based on "high" scores and higher achievement on milestones. If that doesn't require some competitiveness, then I missed the boat on what it means. If we were not competitive, we would not be on this board, we would not care how the education system worked.

It is by its very nature, our need to be competitive for the resources our children need.

How's that for rebuttal? Now we could keep this up, but I am getting bored. I am more interested in my other comment about non-linear and linear learning styles and their correlation with giftedness and motivation.

Ren

I'm going to add my two cents.

I love hearing people talk about the achievements of their children, not so much to hear about the child but to see parents taking joy in their children. A joy shared is a joy multiplied.

When I read 'competitive', I think of winning & losing. When I read 'advocate', I think of someone promoting another's interest, but not at the expense of any one else's loss. Semantics, I suppose.

When I have more time, I may contribute to the non-linear/linear learning styles. That is a fascinating topic but requires more than a 2 cent contribution.

"But I am surprised the nerve I hit"

Are you, really?

"It is by its very nature, our need to be competitive for the resources our children need."

-no


"How's that for rebuttal? Now we could keep this up, but I am getting bored. I am more interested in my other comment about non-linear and linear learning styles and their correlation with giftedness and motivation."

Do you realize that this comes across as somewhat hostile?

Incog

You see, you are competing for a spot in Hunter, but honestly what would I compete for? Does is matter if DS3 is less or more smart than your daughter? Not at all. It won't change how I will parent him or what choices I make for him.

Yes, I want to get the best possible education/situation for both of my children, but again this has nothing to do with how kids on this board do. As a matter of fact I wish them the best and the better they do the better for me because if they can get into a good position perhaps my kids can to. There is lots of to learn from the success stories. Of course I compare my kids to others but more to match them with stories. I have no intention to compete with them. What good would that be for? To make me feel better?

I don't compete with my friends either, there is no point in it. DS5 is clearly ahead of their children. I would be thrilled if their children were more like my sons because I would have somebody who really understands and better match for playdates (at least 2 of my friends have gt kids which does help). It's actually hard to be an outsider and I already worry about the homeschooling group.

DS5 can get to any of the schools around here if there is an opening and whatever schools we considered have open spots, there is no need to be competitive in that either. Plus nothing is based on scores.

Or look at Dottie or Grinity. Their sons are accelerated but did it mean they had to compete with others? If Dottie's son is advanced by another grade in math does it matter to other kids in his school? Perhaps a little bit since here you have a successful skip and hopefully better chance for another child to follow in his footsteps. Has she had to advocate to get where she is? Oh, yes. Has she had to compete for it? I don't think so.

I didn't even compete with others here to get to DYS. That's based on scores not on spots available. If somebody else's child gets in then it's a wonderful news and I am really happy for them. I hope those who didn't make it will get in eventually because lots of people could benefit from their service.

Just my two cents

I have to admit that I was perplexed after I read the initial post. I stayed quiet b/c I thought I�d missed something being new to this forum.
I just wanted to say that I wouldn�t participate in a competitive group (esp. when it relates to children). The reason I continued to read posts on this site was because of the cooperative and supportive tone. It�s nice to have found a place where I can share stories about DS2 w/o worrying that I�m going to offend another parent or make them feel bad. It�s also nice to be able to share the joy I experience with DS.
I do not think DS is smarter or as smart as other children acknowledged here. And that�s okay b/c I�m not in a competition with anyone nor do I feel like they are in competition with me. I really thought the point of this sight was to share experiences and information with others. At least that�s the feel that I�ve gotten so far.
I am grateful for the resources I have found on this site.

This all leads me back to the Carol Dweck profile on mindset. The person with the idea that intelligence is fixed ends up being threatened by the success of others. The person who believes that intelligence can be developed finds inspiration in the success of others. Here's the diagram, which I have shared here before:

http://www.stanfordalumni.org/news/magazine/2007/marapr/images/features/dweck/dweck_mindset.pdf

Thanks, Lorel. It's already on our fridge!

The majority of posters who have been here for some time feel that this is a supportive environment, and not a competitive one. So please put down your scorecard. Relax, and get comfortable!

OK, now I'll try to be quiet.