Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy emotions and expectations

You're absolutely entitled to your opinion.

I guess I'm just wondering if you actually see competitiveness here or if you just expect to see it? Two very different things!

Frankly, if I actually saw competitive parenting going on by most people here, I wouldn't stick around. I find that sort of thing to be highly distasteful!

And I'd be right there with you! That is just not where we're at.

I too was surprised to hear that there is competitive parenting on this board. This is a wonderful supportive board with many knowledgeable people. People mention what their kids do but here and there and it's actually a good thing that they feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

As for homeschooling. I am not sure I've seen anywhere written that homeschooling is the best way to go for all gt kids. Everybody tries to come with what their believe is the best situation given their current situation and option. Right now we believe that p/t homeschooling would be the best thing for our son. Last year we thought that Montessori was the answer for next few years. A year from now we may be looking into something else. Having this place to see what others did, what can or cannot be easily done, how to negotiate with schools or how to try homeschooling is priceless.

NYC is a place full of wonderful opportunities, but it also looks like a stressful place when it comes to being admitted to the right preschool or the right K. It sounds like lots of competitive parenting is going on there.

Ren, to me it seems like you are really stress about next year application process. You remember what things increase an IQ number and by how much. Your DD is only 3 and you had her already tested twice. You know how kids who attended your DD school usually score on IQ test.

Nobody can be reduced to one single number and at the end of the day it's not about if our kids are in the best school or homeschooled, but if they are happy. Higher IQ doesn't make people more happy.

LOL, Ren... I am very supportive of your opinion. It may seem that discussing IQs and test results here is competitive, but to me this is the only place to post them and discuss them. The fact that many here have much higher scores, doesn't take away from DDs intelligence or giftedness. The more I learn about testing, grade skips, acceleration etc. from others, I have a better idea how to advocate for DD.

I used to belong to other parenting boards and telling there that my DD was reading fluently by 4 didn't go over really well. It was mentioned that I must be a stage mom, or "stretching the truth" when all I wanted was to know other parents of GT children. Here I don't have to worry about being odd (at least for that reason). I hope you can find the information you need without feeling a competitive spirit.

Addressing the NYC school choice thing. Right now it is highly competitive for a spot in a premier choice school -- public, private, unless you live in the district, you can go to the Gen ED but that totally excludes you from any gifted program.

The reason DD3 has been tested twice, and I have addressed before, she had to test last year as part of an admission process for a gifted preschool at Columbia but she was a month too young and was not considered. The tester happened to also test for the gifted elementary school. We thought it was worth the investment to do the test again for the preschool to get her used to the tester and also curious to see how she was tracking.

Because of my own history, and I have stated this many times, I am obsessive about making sure of her challenges so she does not lose motivation. All those things that Ruf talks about happened to me. Luckily a career path opened up that motivated me but my college years were a total wash. I don't remember anything I learned.

But I don't want to push a situation and have expectations that imagined. gratified3 echoed my sentiments: that when it is your child, it is rather scary and intimidating.

I still wonder why there wasn't anything addressed in Ruf' book about linear and non-linear learning and its role in levels of giftedness. I see that in some articles I have found. Maybe it is in another book.

Ren

I agree. I think there's a huge difference between competing--that is, trying to one-up the people around you--and just being honest and open.

I don't think my older son is the smartest of the kids discussed here. And you know what? I LOVE that! This is one of the only places I've found where he isn't the smartest, where the stuff he does isn't met with the kind of disbelief and disdain that Mommy2myEm describes, where I can talk openly.

Heck, this is just about the only place I know of where I can worry aloud that my DS3 might have an LD because he's not reading at age 3.5, and not sound like a crazy person! Who else is going to understand that?

Even on other GT boards, the stuff our kids can do is extreme. Where else can we talk about it without appearing to be engaging in competitive parenting, when that's not our intention.

You must find peers if you are to escape competitive parenting. I think that's what we have here.

Ok, since we are talking about "bragging", I am going to do it.

My dd got her report card yesterday. She got thirty outstandings (highest she can get) and one S+ (satisfactory plus). I was very proud of her achievements and told her so. I emphazised that she had worked very hard to get those grades and she should feel very proud of herself.

As parents, we are always so afraid to appear that we are bragging. I was proud of my daughter. Not because I think she is better than anyone else. I am happy when other people's children's achieve a goal, give a wonderful performance or win a medal/trophy. I have cheered for newphew's and nieces and we try to go to our school's plays and concerts and we are right there cheering and being happy for all these talented children.

Yet I don't feel comfortable sharing this great pride I felt when I saw my dd teacher's comments about my daughter being "sweet to the other children" or her being "a natural leader" "great scientist" "hard working" "focused" with other parents in my dd school because I am afraid they will hear "my kid is better than yours".

I am capable of rejoycing in other kids' victories and feeling bad when other kids struggle and none of it takes away from my child's victories or failures. There is a child in my dd school who is a musical genious. When we heard him play his violin in the winter concert, our hearts filled with joy. We attended the senior play a few weeks ago and we (my daughter and I) were impressed with the amount of talent found amongst children.

Anyway, I think we should have a place where "bragging" is not only ok but welcomed. We are not competing or being competitive. We want to share joy and success with other parents who "get it". So please, post about your kids great achievements. I for one will rejoyce with you.

It's great, isn't it? A place where my child is one of the many, pretty much a regular kid.

Bianca, congratulations on the lovely report card. You must be so proud.

I do get the joke, Ren - sweetie, but I'm going to answer seriously, just in case -

I don't support every opinion that comes down the pike, even here, which I full intend to be a supportive place. I want to support you in your living and your parenting, not nescessarily in your opinions, KWIM?

How many of us had to overcome our own opinions to be able to parent our special needs kids? I know I did! Most of us, I'll bet.

Also,
I remember when you posted this:

So I'm wondering how much of this is your actual opinion, and how much of this is 'for debate.'

What exactly do you want? I want to help if I am able. I expect you to help me when you are able. One way you can help me know is to decide to act 'as if' this was a safe and supportive place for you, as an experiement, and see what happens.

Big Warm Smile,
Grinity

Ditto both comments, LMom!
Sometimes I say that DS11 is on an 'alternate developmental path.'