Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Gifted Bullies

Insidious, manipulative and cunning, all wrapped up in a package of brilliance.
Degradation and intimidation - the typical bully hallmarks. Ever come across these in gifted classrooms?
We are experiencing this right now, and are in contact with the teacher, but is the issue complicated by the fact that the kids can quite easily out-smart some teachers, and the fact that there are a higher proportion of 'nerdy' (hope no-one is offended by the term) types than in a typical class environment?

It really is horrible isn't it? The feeling of helplessness, and just hoping your kid will use the advice you give when they get stuck in a situation. We've sent him to school remembering SID. Seek out the decent kids, Ignore whenever possible, Defend - if all else fails! These bullies are so sneaky though - one of them has so much 'charm'! Brains and Charm - a scary combination when used to intimidate! Oh, and they think they are oh so clever - darn it, THEY ARE! Cricket, thank you for letting your feelings show. I'm so frustrated that I can't do more to help, and am just hoping that school gets a handle on it. The 'charmer' got into serious trouble last year for bullying several kids so at least I know that with him the problem is recognized as has been addressed in the past. I'm just so nervous today. DS really didn't want me to speak with the teacher unless I could promise that it would improve things. I couldn't make that promise. I told him it was necessary as he wasn't the only kid this was happening to, and that if something happened to any of them (one kid, not mine, was physically hurt last year) I would feel terrible. He accepted this, but I'm still worried about how exactly the teacher will address the problem and what the repercussions there may be.

Great acronym and I'll pass it along to DD8.

The worst bullying I ever saw was in the dorms at Caltech, where I was a student eons ago. Kids were hounded for being nerds among the nerdy... crazy.

My son's never been in a gifted program, but I think there is mention of it here:


In the regular classroom, some years my son got particular flak from the '2nd smartest boy' who apparently wasn't used to not being the 'first smartest boy.' Can't really call it bullying as DS wasn't about to not match him irritation for irritation. But it seemed such a shame that a potential friend who might 'get' my son seemed determined to have a different relationship.

Later, at a private school that told me 'we don't need a bullying policy, we have an honor code' there was a kid who had already picked on each of the boys in turn and when it was DS's turn, well, DS wasn't about to 'be the bigger man' and just ignore it as the school suggested. We tried to keep them seperated as much as possible physically, and changed schools at the end of the year, not so much because of the bullying, but because I felt the school's response was pathetic. It was awful. One day when the child finally crossed the line and hurt another boy who was clearly not provoking the child in any way, DS felt so validated. I felt sick.

Gotta give credit to our public schools. They have a comprehensive bullying program that teaches the kids from an early age that they have an obligation to stand up for each other, and that if they aren't part of the solution, then they are part of the problem. They even have an anonymous part of the website for reporting bullying behavior.

I have hope that since the 'charmer' was already caught last year that the teachers will at least take is seriously. I love the 'SID' advice. Maybe get the bullies proper accomidations so that they spend a lot of time with older and bigger boys who can hold their own better. Keep them too busy to bother with other kids.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Grinity
Your story is like ours with DS10 in many ways.

Cricket3 - a great suggestion. After our experiences it was amazing how many parents came forward and said they had had issues with our son's bully. It gave the lie to the old chestnut that it was only our son and therefore he was (partially) to blame. I wish I had known before all the upset that others had had problems too. maybe you could approach the school 'mob handed' else they'll close ranks and your child will be "the problem" - trust me.

The talk with the teacher went reasonably well (I was too late getting this info to you guys to take on the good idea of checking with other parents first). The teacher did the right things - spoke to the class about bullying and how to deal with bullies, and also spoke separately to the two boys and my son. She was smart enough to do this discretely. Not convinced how much impact it will have as DS said one of the boys was back to his 'usual self' by lunchtime, but I am pleased that it was addressed appropriately. I think I will quietly ask around to see how other kids are getting on, but it's not easy to have communication with many parents as the class has kids from all around the district. Thank you - and "Hi daniel9ds - Welcome:)

Last week, dd's (private) school publicly admitted in writing that there had been recent incidences of bullying in the elementary school. Whatever happened recently must have been pretty significant to be acknowledged by the administration as a problem. When it happened to us two years earlier, the school's focus went to how to make dd not stand out so much and attempting to label her with a diagnosis. No one, outside the family, ever told dd that she wasn't retarded or that using that word was wrong. Maybe all the media coverage of bullying these days can help our kids get the support they need.