Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Sudden separation anxiety

Jen, we use Strattera to manage our DS's attention issues. It works well for us, without the ramped-up anxiety that the stimulant-class ADHD meds produce. He also takes a tiny dose of Celexa for anxiety, which radically improved his ability to cope in social situations like the ones you describe at school.

I'm glad you're seeking further evaluation, because meltdowns at school *are* stigmatizing. Is anyone at school teaching him to manage and diminish these? Ultimately he needs to learn strategies to be responsible for his own behavior.

I can't believe the school can't go to a system of choosing teams some other way. Letting the kids pick is barbaric. I know the gym teacher isn't sympathetic, but is there someone you trust there who could broach this to the gym teacher and/or principal? If they are committed to helping your DS, they shouldn't let this slide.

Hang in there,
DeeDee

Thanks Deedee. What dose of Celexa is he taking? Our next step would be an SSRI, according to the doctor. I am hoping the Concerta/Straterra combination works. Although, it would be great if the Straterra alone did the job. I'd love for him not to have to take a stimulant, but I can't imagine how he'd be able to cope at school. His attention issues are significant.

As for the choosing teams thing...even the classroom teacher, who I love, isn't supportive about that. Here was her reply to my email about it:

"Once a week we play dodgeball on the field. Turns are taken for the captains. It is done is a kind fashion and all friends have a great time. I am sorry that N is feeling hurt. He does have the option of not playing and going to the sports court."

We even talked about it in person, and she said it wasn't a big deal and that no feelings were hurt (except my son's). I was very up front about how I feel about this practice. I said it seems archaic and that I was very surprised to hear that people are still doing this, especially in a Montessori school where peace and kindness are priorities.

DS is seen as too sensitive, so they chalk it up to him just being sensitive again. I'm so torn about addressing issues like this. It's hard for me to request that they change the way they do things with everyone just for my child. I do ask for personal accommodations for him, and they are very cooperative with that kind of thing. But, asking them to change how they do things with all of their students is another story. This just makes ds stick out even more. This is definitely where private schools fall short of meeting the needs of kids with special needs. Public school might be required to address his specific needs, but trust me, I have no doubt they'd fall short too.

Today he had a meltdown at my parents' house, and he said, "I am the biggest loser ever. No wonder I don't have any friends." He also made the comment, "Why is everyone always trying to change me?!" I feel so bad for him and so guilty that I'm not helping him adequately. I am so tempted to yank him and homeschool him, but I'm trying not to be impulsive. Not to mention, we'd be out thousands of dollars.

As always, thanks for the support and advice. Hopefully we'll get some answers in January.

Hi Jen,

Concerta-Strattera seems like an odd combination to me, as they both would address the attention component (via different mechanisms). (But I am not a doctor.) Dosages of these meds are an art, as well as a science, and should be determined only by a specialist prescriber who really understands your kid's issues. DS8 gets less than the smallest Celexa pill-- we split them.


Yep, they likely would. Although in a public school you'd have better recourse to pressure them to do the right thing; it took us time, and more effort than I care to recall, but we have things set up well at our public elementary right now.

Changing how they deal with all students would be more humane and possibly help your DS stick out less, if they were willing. Although a kid like yours (who is a lot like mine by everything you've written) sticks out no matter what. Good management by the teachers would help him be happier and learn and function better, AND have better relationhips with peers, but it doesn't ultimately fix the disability, just encourages better growth in all areas.

It sounds as though you have hit a limit on what they are willing to deal with and help with at this school, at least in this area. I love Montessori, but I do still have a suspicion that your DS is not going to get all the support he needs to succeed in that environment.


Our son at this age started to really notice his differences. We found it useful to talk openly about the fact that some things that are easy for other kids are hard for him (and vice versa, given his gifts), and to name those things explicitly. He needs to know explicitly what are his challenges to face and overcome. Everyone has challenges, these are his. It's not always fair, but it's how it is.

At the same time, he's not excused from working on these challenges: every person has to learn to manage their behavior and be socially acceptable no matter how hard it is for them. To "why do they all want to change me" we would say, for example, "you need to learn to manage your reactions in sports because when you yell and scream it is unpleasant for other people and they don't want to play any more. We are going to help you learn to keep calm so you can participate and have fun." That is, we aren't going to change "who you are as a person," we think you're adorable and all that, but we are working on teaching you skills that will make your life better.

Then we make darn sure we are really teaching the skills, so he can see his progress, and we comment on his progress so he can feel good about what he's achieving. Our DS really buys into his behavior goals, he is the proudest one when he has a good behavior day, and that's huge.


Yeah. And I'd be careful to know his thinking about this issue before making any sudden moves. Yanking him may be a relief to all concerned, or it may be perceived by him as "his mom didn't think he could really manage school"-- a vote of no confidence. You really don't want him thinking that.

I know it's a wait to January-- hang in there. Maybe in the meantime you can research what plan B would look like if you find the current school unworkable?

DeeDee

If it helps... we did notice a dramatic difference with mood swings and, to a lesser degree, anxiety when we reduced DD's biphentin from 20mg to 15 mg in August. You have me thinking about it now and maybe that has played a role with her reduced anxiety at school. She did manage to go to her best friend's birthday sleepover tonight without a second glance in my direction. It has been so long since that happened that I actually felt a little sad!

Good luck with the dosage reduction.