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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 393
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Joined: Dec 2009
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I am curious what you have told other parents about your child's subject (or grade) acceleration? Brief history. DS is subject accelerated in math from 3rd to 5th. Our district basically has nothing for G/T in K-5 except a once a week enrichment pullout for 4th and 5th grade in math which a good half of each 4th/5th grade qualify for. We have the type of district where half the parents think their child is in the top 5%. The district and principal are (justifiably) concerned that there is going to be a mad rush for people asking for accel for their child now that they have done it for DS. I've only discussed his accel. with one parent, who also has a gifted child and who is also a friend with whom I spoke about many of our math concerns last year. I only just told her, because we wanted to make sure DS was doing well before anyone knew (even family). But now, the cat is apparently out of the bag. When I went to pick up yesterday a neighbor yelled very loudly "hey, what's with DS being in 5th grade math." There were a number of people standing around, although luckily I didn't know many of them. I didn't realize it but her 5th grade son is in DS's math class and he told her. I explained to her quietly that it was the right placement based on some tests but that we didn't really want to publicize it because we didn't want pressure on our son or if things didn't go well (things are going great BTW) have him feel embarassed if he moved back down to 4th. She understood, but literally 4 hours later I get an email from another mother (who is pretty pushy about how "brillant" her child is) asking about it. I just said the same thing -- that DS knew the 3rd and 4th grade and a hunk of the 5th grade material and therefore the placement was correct, etc. But she wanted to know about testing, etc. etc. I ended up telling her that perhaps if he qualified for the SCAT test, that would be a good place to start, as the scores will give you a sense of what sort of accomodations one might need. I don't want to dissuade anyone who has a gifted child from trying to get help for their kid, and I do think our district needs to address this. But I will be honest (and it makes me feel guilty to admit this) that I fear if there is a bunch of hoopla over this the school will regret DS's placement and make it harder for the same or more in the future- I feel like I would like to keep it all secret (which is impossible of course since 2 classrooms of kids know about it), just to protect our position. Not very altruistic, is it Anyone in a similar situation? What did you do and how did you quiet down the chatter? Cat
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Joined: Jun 2009
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I think I talked to you about this once in what we did, but I'll remind you. We basically stuck with the theory that we were asked not to discuss it. Basically, we taught DC the shoulder shrug and the "because the prinicipal told me to" answer which has worked awesome. If they persist, shoulder shrug and change the subject. As for the parents, same thing, you can reply with, it was just necessary, or simply state, we were asked not to discuss it. Put it back on the school. Soon, other parents who were chatting with each other to get the scoop, all had the same reply, "she's not discussing it" and the questions stopped. Now the only questions we get are "How's it going?" and that is fine with me. No one needs to know that it was based on testing, or that we pursued it or the school pursued it or whatever. Come up with a generic reply and stick to it. Before you know it, it will all be old news and they will all have the same answer and there will be nothing to talk about
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 133
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I've felt and done much the same as you. I've tried to keep things as quiet as possible and mention it only when either I'm talking with another parent of a gifted child who is specifically asking about our school experiences or very, very close friends who know I don't consider giftedness this 'my kid's so amazing' thing, but something that causes me concern at times. But when your kid is in a different class and that fact is relayed to kid's parents, as you say it's simply impossible to pretend it isn't real. My experience is that the chatter will probably die down after a while, although you may have a few disgruntled parents. That simply is the school's job to sort out whilst you continue to advocate for your child.
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Joined: Jun 2009
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Another reminder, the IAS suggests that there shouldn't be a mad rush of people asking because no parent, who has a child that is properly challenged is going to ask for harder work to watch their kid fail. I had to explain this to them as well but we are also in a place that people feel entitled Don't worry, like I said, generic answer is best, and answer everyone the same. There will soon be nothing to discuss because no one knows how or why! Prpping DC what to say is extremely helpful too! Shoulder shrug, because the principal told me to. if they say but Why? Shrug and say, I don't know and leave it at that Worked like a charm for us!
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Joined: Jun 2010
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Our state law lays out the requirements for an acceleration / skip, so there's no "secret" and no school-level concern about the number of people attempting it.
So I just told anyone who asked what the process was, including the fact that DD's first grade teacher said she felt there were multiple kids in the class who would have been capable of handling a skip. The parents all concluded "Oh, my kid is one of the kids who could do that, but we wouldn't choose to try because [of whatever reason]." (Where the reasons included things like "I'd rather him be at the top than the bottom" and "He plays grade-leveled sports and I'd rather he be old-for-grade than young-for-grade.") There was not a single parent who said "Wow, we'll try that next year!" Which is kind of a bummer, because I'd rather my kid not be the only one.
After the first couple of weeks of school, no one has been at all interested.
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Joined: Jun 2009
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Our state has it all layed out too, but most parents don't have a CLUE as to what that is, not to mention, it depends on if it is a public or private school too. They don't have to follow the state rules.
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Joined: Dec 2009
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The difficulty is that I would guess a good 25-33% of the kids are not having their needs met - there is little/no differentiation and no programs or pullouts until 4th grade. So... I am sympathetic that there are some number of kids who could be doing higher level work, and am conflicted between sharing how to advocate and protecting what we have received. The school has not asked us to "not talk" so I can't really claim that, but I do see, bh14, how that would be one way to respond, and I think for most people that is the response I will give (I really didn't expect for people to know - we did prep son and he has handled well, but his math teachers really nipped it in the bud by just introducing him and saying the school wanted him in that class).
I think I am just feeling guilty that I am not being more forthright with people, since I could have used the help myself.
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Joined: Apr 2009
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For us. the chatter did die down. E started a 2 year math acceleration last year and there were a lot of comments until after the winter holiday.
DD's age peer parents haven't said much about it. When they have asked, my response has been that E actually worked out of the 3rd grade math book in K at her old school and isn't it great that her new school isn't having her repeat material.
The 4th grade class dd went into for math last year was fantastic. If there was ever an issue, we never heard about it. It helped that E aced the first few pretests that were on her favorite math areas. There were four sibling pairs in the 2nd and 4th grade classrooms (one sister in 2nd and one in 4th). I don't know if this was deliberate on the school's part, but I think it helped set a tone of respect and camaraderie for the year that exceeded our expectations. I did confide in one of the "pairs" mom the summer before who was supportive. One of the other "pairs" has a mom who teaches 5th at the same school, so I figured she already knew and had mentioned it to her kids. My husband and I praised the inclusiveness of the older students to as many of their parents, teachers and principal that we could. Whenever anyone told us how "amazing" it was that E was moved up in math, we tried to rephrase their statement; the older girls were so inclusive and supportive. By the middle/end of the year several parents of the older students actually told me that having dd in the class was wonderful because it inspired their children to work harder in math because they could tell E had to work hard to be there.
This year E is with several of the same students in 5th grade math. Its going great. Actually, the teacher seems surprised about how well dd has been included and contributes to the class.
Now I do know that there have been parent complaints and hostile comment from students from the grade in between dd's age grade and math grade. These have mostly been from parents who I think hothouse their kids. I have had to remind myself that these comments don't actually affect dd (or at least not as much) but they are hurtful to me. I did drastically cut back on my school volunteering because I couldn't bear to hear them one more time. At this point, people either like and respect dd, or they stay away.
I do think the two year skip helps keep the pushy parents at bay. I haven't heard of any other child at this school being subject accelerated in elementary school. This is a private school with no GT, but some enrichment pullouts for math and language arts. DD's enthusiasm in math and general happiness about school have paved the way for further acceleration for her in language arts this year. No parent "feedback" yet, but I am not at the school much now. I suspect being pregnant will deflect some of the nasty comments and gives folks other stuff to talk about.
I have had a handful of calls from parents asking for a referral for private testing which I have tried to be as reassuring and informative as possible. (How many referrals to the local neuripsych before we can get a free, going into middle school, let's catch up appointment?)
Warning: sleep deprived
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Joined: Sep 2009
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We've found that questions and comments from other people tend to ebb and flow. We are private people so there was only one person who knew we were considering the acceleration before it happened. (Turns out she's a competitive blabber-mouth, but we didn't know that then.) We felt no need to tell anybody anything.
It took several weeks for people (only parents of kids in my DD's age-appropriate grade) to start asking questions, and we just told them that it was a very lengthy and involved process that required a series of assessments and questionnaires. Some people wanted to know how it could have happened, other people made more obnoxious comments like, "So, is she not bored anymore?"
The year after the subject acceleration DD just skipped completely into the higher grade, and we got more comments from parents from the original grade, but none from parents in the receiving grade.
But just now, this year (a year after the skip) parents of the receiving grade have started asking me about it. The comments and questions are different though between parents with kids in the former grade (snarkier, in general) and parents of kids in the higher grade (interested but supportive).
I think the parents of kids in my DD's current grade hear from their kids that DD is a good student so they don't question the appropriateness of the placement. They are just merely curious about it. The parents of the kids in the former grade don't know just how far about grade-level DD was, so they do question it.
What I get the most of is people feeling like they need to take every opportunity to tell me how smart and bored their kids are in class. I guess maybe they might feel like I understand their plight. But, it gets tiring and seems, in most cases, competitive. In general, IME, the people who loudly and publicly ask about my DD or talk about their kids are competitive, but the people who quietly ask me or talk to me about their children are more likely to be in the same situation we were with their kids needing more.
Of course, we get the rare parent who will say something like, "Well, they wanted my child to skip a grade, but we said no way because it's so bad for them socially and . . . " and then they go off on a tirade about how we've made a horrible decision that they would NEVER make. It's ruined a friendship and made others awkward, but just has to go in one ear and out the other.
It's a tough situation that for us seems to come and go, but I've been trying hard lately just to talk matter-of-factly about it ("Yep, it happened.") IF people ask me. Still, I find myself really just having to keep quiet about anything school or age related whenever possible. But, you know, we're very secure with our decisions and we've seen how great it's been for our kids, and any awkwardness is totally worth it.
She thought she could, so she did.
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Joined: Oct 2008
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DS7 is grade accelerated 5 years. There is no way to keep a low profile. But I think that in many ways the huge disparity in age and size works to our benefit. The kids in this school work really hard, the curriculum is demanding and I think the parents are very clear that their son or daughter couldn't have done it at 7. I've had several parents ask me how he's doing but that's it. The kids in the school have sort of made him their little brother and they all look out for him.
Shari Mom to DS 10, DS 11, DS 13 Ability doesn't make us, Choices do!
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