Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help teaching son to communicate more effectively

I am looking for some suggestions from parents who have experience dealing with a gifted child who thinks so differently from other people that they can have a hard time communicating. My 11 yo ds is transitioning from homeschooling to public school this year. I have not had him tested, but his dad was IQ tested as 155 in middle school (lord knows which test). I am a member of mensa and although I haven't taken an IQ test, we assume that my IQ is a few points higher than my husband's. I suspect that my son is working somewhere in the exceptionally gifted range. He is incredibly easy to teach, displays virtually all of the typical gifted overexcitabilities, etc.

The problem is that he thinks so differently, expansively sees everything as being so inter-connected that he can have a hard time communicating well. He struggles to prioritize information because it all seems so important to him. So when you talk with him, he may pick up on something tangental to the main point which seems to him to be the core of the issue. Or when you ask him to explain something he has a hard time distilling the main point he needs to make and will give you a very long winded, drawn out explanation. I am long winded myself, but even I get impatient waiting for him to get to the point. He also has a tendency to use language more flexibly than most of us. So when he was a preschooler if he found some coins on the ground, he would say that money was magnitized to him. Or when we are doing math, if you tell him to go back to the original number you are working with he may think you mean the first numeral in the problem you are working on. He also tends not to be a good listener. He may be able to repeat back virtually verbatem what you say, but be unable to choose what the main point is or not be able to make a connection between what you say and what action he should take. He really needs things spelled out very clearly and to have someone check to make sure he understands what is being said and what action is then required of him.

When I was homeschooling him, I could check frequently to make sure that he understood what I intended to communicate and vice-versa. However, now that he's in school, he is expected to catch on and know what is required of him. Predictably, problems are starting to crop up.

My husband and I have started doing "what I hear you saying" exercises with him to try to help him learn to listen and speak more effectively and emphasize the importance of understanding what is intended to be communicated. I am wondering if anyone else has had experience with this sort of thing and what they did to help.

Thanks so much for any suggestions

Yes that's a good description of what happens, and no I don't have a clue how to help. I think that as your son spends time at school he might catch on to how to 'do school.' What grade is he going into?

Rebeccat, you might consider speech services. Have a independent evaluation done by a speech pathologist. Expressive language is part of evaluation, and would document high IQ in evaluation. Depending on results of eval. you might qualify for IEP or 504. Role modeling, and IEP goals would provide supports at school so teachers allow for difficulty so your son can have supports like you described.

Actually, Occupational Therapy may very well help and may be offered through the school if his ability to interact in an academic setting is being impacted. Have you discussed this issue with the school, and has the teacher at school noticed the same issues?