Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy i would rather...

sorry if I am not clear, may be i want my child to more expressive and i wish she (we) put(s) more time into that rather than hours and hours of reading at home. That way our time and her time will be utilized better

what really bothered me ..... reading books is her very best thing. If she can not succeed in that, what about other things......that is the reason i felt like that, still doing so.

[\quote] The more confident a person is about their knowledge of a subject, the easier it is to speak about it. [/quote]

snowgirl

if reading 1000 books is not enough knowledge god only help her......

Snowgirl,

I do not think introverted and shy are synonyms. You can be shy yet want to be with others. You can be bold and like to spend lots of time alone.

I spend a lot of time with DD working on tortoise skills, slow and steady because she is naturally, (again like me) fast. Likes to move fast, likes it when the answers come fast. She hates teh tortoise lessons (we use piano practice for this). She is high energy and it is great for her metabolism. But she will do better in life if she can learn tortoise skills. I tell her if she can use her fast brain and be slow and steady when things are very difficult, she can do anything.

I do not think that is any different than trying to work with a shy child and teaching them to be bolder. So they can get anything, have any options.

Because I tell DD that I do not know what she will want to be, but I give her the skills to have options so she can have a wide range of options.

Ren

When my daughter was born, I was so excited to have someone I could relate to and looked forward to sharing years of communing with a like mind.

When I got over myself and my own expectations, I got to go on one of the most amazing journeys of discovering who my daughter was and why she was so special just the way she is. Once I quit expecting her to be a certain way, I saw how limited my own expectations were.

I would recommend you talk with a family therapist about your own disappointments and expectations before you do damage not only to your relationship with your daughter but to her ability to accept herself.

She has been given a tremendous blessing coupled with challenges; if she does not have your unfailing belief in her, how will she maneuver through the myriad pitfalls that lie ahead without succumbing to the belief that she is a failure because she was born introverted? Introverts often focus better, individuate more rapidly, and can work independently and alone with ease. Introverts normally do not need outside reinforcement to continue high levels of performance. Introverts are often excellent observers. Read up about the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator to find out more about what is valuable about all of the different parts of a personality.

It is short sighted to believe that only extroverts excel in this world; there is a need for all personality types, and what your daughter needs most to succeed as an adult is a strong, supportive foundation at home. Give her that and let go of your own disappointments, and she'll have the best advantage any child could want.

Again, I stress, why is introverted and shy the same?

Don't stress. Introversion is more prevalent among gifted kids, and extroverts are less likely to be shy than introverts. It's not out of bounds to talk about introversion in a discussion of social anxiety.

Your daughter sounds like an extrovert, and she doesn't sound shy; others here seem to have introverted shy kids, or to have been so themselves. Noting such things doesn't amount to a statement that no extroverts, as that term may be defined by psychologists, have social anxiety, or that all introverts have social anxiety.

It sounds like she is succeeding at reading. She's just not succeeding yet at being thrust into situations that make her nervous, caused by your self-confessed bragging.

Why do you think your or her time would be better utilized if she were more outgoing at this stage? What does her apparent shyness have to do with your time utilization? Aren't you just really put out because you felt embarrassed? If so, I think you need to re-evaluate your priorities. I mean these words as kindly as possible.

Also, she may be especially self-conscious about her intellectual abilities. Maybe you should talk to her about that. I think you can find plenty of ways to encourage her to be more outgoing, without focusing on her reading etc.

I would personally tend to differ with you that being a manager or making a lot of money is the only way (or even the best way, or perhaps even a very good way) to define ultimate success in life. I would also tend to differ on your evaluation of your daughter, and probably on what gifted people are "good for" in general.

i do not agree........
i am not telling success= money, but it is very close to that
what is all the education for.. to get a better earning job right

we spend 2-3 hours a day for her reading not that we tell her to read but she wants us sit with her to listen to her

i am going to talk to her teacher this monday to decide whether she will do better in kindergarten

Drug dealers have a pretty high-earning type of job. So do high-class prostitutes. Meanwhile, some of the greatest productions of the human mind have come from people who were destitute, through focus on their greatest love above all else.

I don't think it's likely that many great minds will tend to find middle management, or even upper management, at a company of the most intense interest. Earning money will hopefully be a side effect of a happy, productive brilliant person, but it's certainly not a guarantee. I certainly don't think that the products of happy, productive brilliant people who aren't wealthy are necessarily of less value to themselves and society than those of wealthier normals.

Money is certainly important, but I think you need to stop thinking of your daughter's reading and other activities in terms of implications for future earnings!!