Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums GT Research Ruf's book question

First, I used MN just because in DH group there was someone from MN, and there is background story to that which I don't need to address here.

The part some of you might of missed is "options" I want to give DD options. I don't think Alaska is preferred since I think she hates bugs as much as me. I am a natural magnet for mosquitos.

But if it, it is not that exclusive. If she wants to be a coporate lawyer, it is harder.

To give her all the options that is what I wrote. Not that she had to take any of them. My mother brought me up to be a doctor or a dentist, because she saw those that allowed a woman to be in charge. She stressed that I be in a position of decision making. That was a strong lesson. Nothing wrong to not be in a position that isn't decision making, but that wouldn't work for me.

I want to make sure my daughter has options. Am I clear this time?

Ren

It's a good thing I didn't finish typing my original (now deleted) post. I agree w/ everything Kriston wrote, and couldn't have said it better.

My former coworkers think I'm nuts for going to law school only to do public interest work. The debt:income ratio appears irrational to them. Good thing it's my life. Money definitely isn't everything. I want peace and happiness.

Makes sense. Thanks for clarifying.

Kriston-

You brought a tear to my eye. Lovely thoughts!

My goals for my pg seven year old are much shorter term. I want her to be challenged, to enjoy learning, to learn to respect herself and others.

Wren, if you raise your daughter to be a happy, healthy adult, then you don't need to worry about giving her choices. She will be able to create her own. You need to be careful not to over invest in her future. It is her path to take. She is quite young and I doubt that anyone can predict if she will become a member of the GIGA society as an adult. Would it even matter?

Life is not all about power and money. Not long ago I heard a story in the radio.

"A high powered business man visited a small island in Mexico. While there, he purchased several fish form a local fisherman. The business man was very impressed with the quality of the fish and asked the fisherman how many hours he spent fishing. The fisherman answered that he fished a few hours during the day. The business man asked him what he did the rest of the day. "I get up and have breakfast with my family, then go fishing for a couple of hours. I come back and have lunch with my wife and then take a siesta. I go back and fish for a comple more hours and then come back and go to the plaza to have a few drinks with my buddies""

The business man told the fisherman that he had a Harvard Business degree and he could make him a rich man. First, he said, you need to increase the amount of time you fish. With the added income you can buy more boats and hire other people. I can help you export your product. I then can take the company public and in your old age you will be a very wealthy man.

"Then what would I do?", asked the fisherman.

"You can retire in a small island, have breakfast with your wife and kids and take your siesta in the afternoons. You will have the time to spend with your friends in the afternoons..."

The business man was suddently silent.

Love that, bianca!

And challenge and short-term goals, especially with these kids, are VITAL! Thanks for adding that, Dottie and Bianca!

Bianca, that is wonderful. All I ever wanted to do was get married and have kids and stay at home with them. I can remember people in high school getting so mad at me for not having loftier goals and putting my mind to "better use". When I was voted Most Likely to Succeed I had a friend that chewed me out that I didn't deserve that because I wasn't even going to attempt to succeed. But I felt if I got what made me happy then I had succeeded whether it made me rich or famous or not.

So I really enjoyed that story - thanks for sharing!

That was my goal as well in highschool. I was taking all AP classes and wanted to be a stay at home mom.

Looking back, I am so glad that my parents encouraged me to go to Nursing School right out of college and then at the age of 22 I started having kids. Right now I can't imagine being a stay at home mom. I love my job too much.

I must write very badly, everyone seems to take what I write the wrong way.

I never said she had to make money. I said I wanted her to have options.

Though the way she has reacted to new shoes at 14 months and since (I think she is channeling my mother regarding expansive wardrobe needs)she may need a lot of money.

Though where she goes to college may be pressured by DH (first thing he bought her was an infant cap from Harvard. She went to the Harvard/Yale game at 2 months.)

Just joking Kriston that she has to go to Harvard. As long as it isn't Yale.

I do not agree that what she wants to do is OK as long as she is happy. Did you know that in the 1950s people were asked what they wanted from their kids and they said they wanted them to be good members of society (something like that) and they brought their kids up to get educated and get jobs. Parents were asked in the 1970s what they wanted and they said they wanted their kids to be happy. Well the outcome of the former parenting style produced people that said they were happy, because they had jobs and bought homes and could feed their children. The second group produced a lot of misfits that do not have direction, say they are not happy and do not have jobs they think of as permanent.

We went through a stagnation cycle in the late 70s that permanently put our manufacturing sector on shrinkage and this stagnation cycle will see further weakening of the household income as gasoline goes to $5 per gallon, bananas have doubled in price since summer and wheat and sugar prices are going to the moon.

What will make DD happy? Being able to take care of herself as an adult. Just because a kid is PG does not mean they have a career lined up for them. And the message I got at 6 about decision making and career choice set a foundation for me, a mindset. Do not underestimate the life long lessons kids learn at 3, 4, 5, 6.

Ren

Lovely post, Kriston. I am exactly where you are at. My intense career years were great. I didn't have DS until 30. I spent my 20's working 60+ hours a week and travelling overseas. I wouldn't trade it for everything. But our lives now are so full and wonderful and I love being able to be home while our kids are small. It's not for everyone, but it has worked well for us and we have a much more relaxed lifestyle for it. When I think of going back to work I think of pouring my heart into a small non-profit or working in education. So far from where I started my career.

Definitely all kids should have their options wide open. And the children of the parents on this board are obviously particularly lucky in this regard. I do think if a person has great passion, they will succeed and be happy at whatever they choose to do - from electrician to corporate lawyer to parent. You can feed their passions, but not necessarily choose them.