Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional ADHD and Executive Function

Is there a difference between ADHD and an Executive Function problem?

My understanding is that one can have EF problems without ADHD, but not ADHD without EF problems. Some writers believe that ADHD is -in it's essence - an EF problem.

My D has EF problems without ADHD. She has tested as "inconclusive" on ADHD both times we have had her checked. She was diagnosed as having a non-verbal learning disability, which seems to be at the root of her EF problems.

ADHD is the current DSM terminology, and (sigh) the DSM is not known for keeping up with the current research as well as one might hope. Executive functioning is a broad set of stuff your brain can do, and regulating attention is a subset of that.

Thanks, Aimee, for putting that in terms I can understand. Now can you just tell me how to fix it?

Not Aimee, but:
Practice, Practice, Practice!

Turns out that EF is a whole bundle of strengths and weaknesses, so the plan is too observe exactly when the most bothersome EF glitches occur, then brainstorm all the possible ways to teach the specific missing skill, then to provide ever lighter levels of support while the learner practices.

Personally, on of the best places I've gotten support for my EF glitches is Flylady.net.

Smiles,
Grinity

Also, breaking tasks down into small steps helps. (Tying shoes was a disaster FOREVER...we literally worked on each piece at a time over and over like practicing a difficult piano piece.) For remembering homework (for example) the steps might be: write it down at school, put it in notebook, get notebook out at home, read note, do homework. All those individual steps have to be completed in order to get homework done. Nan

What are the strengths? I'm not trying to sound overly negative, but is this like auditory v. visual learners where there really are strengths on both sides?

What I mean, Keet, is that there are many Executive Functions, some of which might be strong and others might be weak. I read that in 'Smart but Scattered.' There was even a test so I could learn the names of my strength areas so I could better use them to compensate for my weak areas of EF.

Example: I have almost zero ability to keep track of time. That's an executive function that I'm weak in. But I'm super strong at setting up systems to compensate for my challenge areas. Looking at the big picture and setting up systems is an area of EF that I'm strong in.

I used my strong ability to set up systems to brainstorm a few ideas to keep me on track, and found a few that work for me, such as having a watch with a timer on it and setting that timer for 5 minutes throughout the day so that when the watch beeps I take a look around and remember what I was supposed to be doing.

That specific trick won't work for everyone, but being a systems thinker helped me find the trick that works for me.

Being generally weak in EF isn't exactly a strength - but there are some wonderful upsides. For example 'being in the moment' is really easy for me. Marching to the beat of my own drummer - also easy, since I can't even hear anyone else's drummer!

I'm also more accepting of human frailty since I get frequent reminders of my own human frailties. I've used the weaknesses in EF to learn to laugh at myself. It's also made me a bit skeptical of the glories of having strong EF and jumping through societies' every hoop. I would call all this making lemonade out of lemons rather that a strength for weak EF.

I hope this makes more sense, yes?
Grinity

Which ones in particular are you having problems with? I just went through a list of what they are on a website and I have to say my DS (ADHD diagnosis) has trouble with most or all of them.

For my DS notes helped a lot. I wrote each step to brushing his teeth and getting dressed on his bathroom mirror. He liked having them there and while he sometimes forgot to read them they really did seem to help.

I also teach him things one small step at a time. "Take the lid off of the toothpaste. Put the toothpaste on your brush." and so on. Even when it's not time to brush his teeth we talk about the steps. I'm hoping that the repeating will help it stick.

I have to laugh at him (and he has a good sense of humor about it too) because so often he just leaves out huge important steps that seem obvious to me. He routinely puts on his clothes over his pajamas. He's been known to forget to take off his clothes before getting into the shower.

The executive function that deals with frustration has been a hard one for us. I tried to teach DS a little bit of meditating. When he starts to get really angry I try to have him close his eyes and take deep breaths and count to 10 before trying again. Sometimes I don't catch it in time though and he has a full blown meltdown.

Well, there are the tip sheets from some of the seminars I've done on the topic for DYS parents.

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10471.aspx
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10523.aspx

I'm currently cooking the articles I've written on the topic (hundreds of pages worth) into a book on executive functioning for bright-to-gifted kids. Working title is, "If you're so smart, how can you be so...?" although I doubt that will be the actual title because it's really rude (grin).

@ Aimee, Lol at your working title. My mom used to say that to me whenever I did something normal that showed a typical teenage lack of judgment. I really hated it at the time.

Yes, I heard a lot of that, too: "What's wrong with you!? How could someone so smart do something so stupid!?"

In our house it was 'if you're so smart, how come your fly is unzipped.'

Also reminds me of the joke that ends, "Don't worry there are plenty of parachutes left, the world's smartest man just jumped out the plane with my back."

I hate to say it but, this is a shoe that fits. I imagine that on my headstone will be engraved, 'A day late and a dollar short.' Although what I can't tell is if I'm actually more bungling that the average person, more bungling that the average Giftie, or exactly the same amount bungling as anyone else, but have a much harder time forgiving myself than other people (Inner Directed Perfectionism.)

((I'd ask my DH but I know what he would say, and I know that the basis of his opinion would be Outer Directed Perfectionism, not my actual behavior.))

Aimee, I hope your book happens soon, and I hope there is a big chapter and a quiz about Inner and Outer Directed Perfectionism so that we can figure out if we are being too hard on our selves and our kids or if there really is a problem.

I don't think 'Perfectionism' is a very well defined term, although we act like we are all talking about the same thing. For me there is a Perfectionism that is related to Giftedness. It relates to the strength of our imaginations, and our ability to see that shining. perfect world so clearly that we sometimes (or often) loose track of the delightful griminess of the current world. I think that one of the key developmental tasks of Gifties is to develop 'amphibian eyes' that can see above the water (world as it should be/ is in our imaginations) and below the water (world as it is) and switch views comfortably and at our own will.

Opps, food burning in the kitchen, gotta go. What was it we were saying about EF skills?

love and more love,
Grinity

Hi Aimee,
I like that title. It really clicks with a lot of people, I bet.

Grinity,
Flylady.net's website looks overwhelming just on its own. Though I'm sure it has helped lots of people.

Sometimes it seems the "system" of managing lacking EF is overwhelming and too much. Often it helps to really simplify and simplify .. and I think that relates to some of perfectionism. Knowing what should be/could be doesn't mean it has to be that way. As Grinity said, dropping all the hoops that society expects or we believe socially what is expected, some of it isn't necessary at all.

Just some thoughts on that

Aimee -
Have you done or know of any studies that have looked at much good/poor EF abilities affect academic and life outcomes vs the effect of high IQ?

I wonder if the outcomes are better for those with average to high average IQ and excellent EF skills than for gifted IQ and very poor EF. But, I have never seen actual research on this.

I have one child that is 2-E with very poor EF and another that is very average with average EF. Life and school is so much easier for the average child. While she may not contribute to the world with any breakthrough ideas, she is able to prioritize, get stuff done, apply her skills to novel situations and maintain a life balance. I worry much less about her than her "smarter" brother.

Decision-making ability seems to be a third factor not correlated with either IQ or EF. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20457481

I just took a look at the Flylady.net site - Wow It has Grown since I started.

LOL - one can see a 'non-linear mind' at work! No wonder she had CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome)! It took Marla 9 months to declutter. That sounds really short to me. I got the worst 50% done and have been coasting for years.

ok - so to start with, do something and if that doesn't work, do something else.

My best guess is to start here:
http://flylady.net/pages/begin_babysteps.asp

and just mindless follow the rules for 31 days. In fact I'm so inspired that I'm going to celebrate my empty nest by starting a new thread where whoever wants to can start and we can all do it together. Then we can whine, complain and celebrate together. My plan is to skip the things that feel too hard, for now and spiral back to them later.

Smiles,
Grinity

This describes my brother and me (me being the 2-E(ADD), and him being "average", though he is bright). Even as adults this still holds true.

I don't think there are studies yet that show differential real-world effects of high/low EF with respect to high/low IQ. The literature base is only just starting to show that the two factors are separate at all (that you can have high IQ test scores with low EF test scores, in particular).

I think my son's SPD can sometimes look like ADHD and the developmental pediatrician he saw at age 7 told me that some people might think he has ADHD, but he doesn't. He is capable of incredible focus. I think SPD is what causes him to sometimes have problems with time management.

I have noticed that my son and I are both overly sensitive people. We sometimes go into a sensory overload state. We both have anxiety when we know that we have to do something that we know from experience will overload our senses. For my son it is usually medical related, like trips to the doctor who tells us if his scoliosis is getting worse or the neurologist who prescribed a stong medication that my son is worried about taking. My son says his heart starts beating faster when he sees the doctor's office. By the time we have been sitting in the waiting room for an hour with all the sights, sounds and smells, his blood pressure is high. When he braces himself for the bad news, I can see the anxiety in his eyes but there is still no behavior problem. He takes the bad news and keeps it inside. Ask him to do math or do anything that requires thinking the rest of the day, and he might look like he has ADHD and executive function issues. When we are in this state, we don't have behavioral issues that other people would notice. What happens to us is happening inside. For instance, I don't want to talk, my heart beats faster, my blood pressure goes up, if I try to read anything it doesn't "stick" in my mind and I can't control the worries that keep popping into my head. When my son is also in this sensory overload state it is hard for him to do any homeschooling and I don't have good enough executive functioning to make him. On those days we do only what is absolutely necessary around the house and try to forget about the rest. We usually end up reading interesting history or science articles, listening to music, watching youtube videos, anything to distract us so we can get our overly sensitive bodies to calm down. But our lives just keep getting more challenging and we can't keep taking days off. We are looking for ways to control our internal reactions and learn to focus through the difficulties. We don't want to take any kind of medication.

I have been cleaning out old files at home and ran across lots of evidence that I once had very good executive functioning--like copies of employee appraisals from when I used to work and used to have a normal life. I also found my scores from testing done at a university that I was transferring to after completing two years at a community college while also working full time. I was also a single parent at the time. Most of my scores were above average and my critical thinking score was my highest score. There is no way I would score that high now. I can't focus enough to even read an article in the newspaper because I can't get all the problems out of my mind. I forgot to take lunch to my parents one day because I was too focused on my son's difficulties so I definitely had dysfunctional executive function that day. I often feel like I have ADHD now because of all the stress.

How about something like:

It's not
how smart you are,

it's
how you are smart.

Lori H. , Stress will effected your executive function in the way you describe. Very sensitive people often recognize ways to compensate or modify their life to overcome shutting down. Prayer or meditation, I have found is very helpful. People who also have same type of issues you describe have been very happy with results of improving diet, with nutrient dense, organic foods. The book "The Gift of ADHD" had alot of information you could use, to address options and resources possibly helpful. Also the book "The Sensory Smart Child" is a great resource for parents. It may sound to good to be true, but one stalk of celery a day, is like a nerve tonic. Wishing you The best.

I'm curious too, Lori, if meditation would be helpful to you or your son. I've recently started reading and taking small steps toward meditation. Of course you wouldn't really expect meditation to help you with a large stressor right away, but you could practice with little stressors first.

I am very sensitive to temperature, and I've found that lately by doing the breathing/heartbeat monitoring exercises, I can deal with that very minor stressor. I love the idea of OverExcitabilities, but I don't love how the theory doesn't really give much hope of handling them in a way that makes them less bothersome. Avoiding is wise, but does it make me stronger in the long term? Where is the balancing edge? Understanding is sweet, but does it help me have the life I want?

www.appliedmeditation.org
for more,
or the books:
http://www.appliedmeditation.org/books_cds/now_available.php

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I've found meditation very beneficial.

This is a fun meditation related "chakra" test. It gives you results immediately without e-mail or text or any of that weird stuff.
http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/chakratest.php

Grinity, I so agree with you. I have OEs, and may even toe the line of Aspeger's, but nothing tells me what I can do to deal with them. I have the sensory overload issue, but I function normally in work environments; however, if I have two children speaking loudly, both wanting my attention, one of them messing with my chair or tugging on my shirt, my stress levels suddenly go through the roof. I feel very overloaded. I also can't go into dance clubs, or anywhere where people will bump me and I have to deal with lots of noise.:/

I think there should be research into this topic.

What have you found that works so far? Artana
We have a family joke based on the time I blurted out: "I can only do 3 things at a time!" (apparently I felt like I was being asked to do 4 things)

Who can be calm with 2 kids bidding for attention at the same time?

Do any of us? What have other parents done to handle this?

I took 'preventitive steps' and only had one child - but that doesn't seem like a helpful answer - oh wait - do you get a chance to set up 1-to-1 dates with each child on a regular basis?

2nd advice is to help the children develop their inner resources so that they don't have to be stuck in the cycle of emotional neediness, or maybe even can be a resource to each other? For that I like the 2008 edition of Howard Glasser's bookTransforming the Difficult Child. Which is what got me started on meditating, since I had to find something to do while I was 'taking the batteries out.'

I'd love to hear what is working for other parents -
Love and More Love
Grinity

Grinity/Artana,
Oooh, thank you for sharing. I use to be able to do 3-5 things at once, but maybe it is age, but my previous sensory overload issues which I understand more now was easier to manage/deal/ignore.

These days, I feel like I can do maybe 2 things at once but I really only want to do 1 thing at a time. If child is asking for something -- poor hubby, better not be asking for something also. Ha. And what was I planning to do for myself? Can't remember now. Noise adds to the stress, too. Too much talking adds to it.

One thing I've found helpful is simply to pre-plan almost everything to reduce the questioning and neediness.

Would love to hear more from everyone as well.

I know that with DS 9, the whole plan revolves around slowly introducing him to situations, upping his stress threshold and working with him on how to calm down on the spot. I wish I had had that training!:)

I think part of it is that as adults we slowly move more into our comfort zones. There is no one proding and poking us (much) into situations we are uncomfortable with, so our resistance goes down. Maybe I have to go to a dance club and stand there for 10 minutes, then the following week 15...treat it as a way to up resistance. ^_^ That would be funny. Everyone else having fun and me standing, gritting my teeth and looking at my watch.

I can honestly say that I watch my son's behavior and make sure that they are not introducing undo stress; however, I grew up with a father who was as severe as my son, and I saw what happened with no intervention whatsoever. I would not wish that on my child. He loves his sensory labs, twice a day. He gets his snack breaks. We are trying to help him express his emotions when having a meltdown (as I told the school, my goal is not to get him to sit quietly, it is to get him to express his frustrations appropriately), like having him walk to a quiet space and having him turn emotion cards so he doesn't have to try to vocalize it. He is not required to go to morning meeting, because it is too much for him, but if a new class starts mid-year and disrupts his schedule, we do work to help him join the class slowly.

I understand that your experience was hard, but like I said, I do not see resentment or anger in my child for any of these things. As you can see, we do let him avoid extreme situations, and give him breaks and such.:)

Edit:
Hrm, seems like the reply I was replying to is gone, but I'll leave this up, since I think it's good information on the accomodations he receives.

I'm sorry. �I took it down because I realized it wasn't really a constructive statement to the situation. �But something said probably for my own therapeutic benefit so I erased it. �Here's my last post:�

"They did something similar to me. �I can't really discuss it without giving my whole weird life history. �But without judging you and while supporting you in your effort to raise your son the way you think is best I have to say I really resent that they did that to me more than anything else that's ever happened. �Many parents would disagree with me and say it's in the child's best interest. �I think the long term results were not to my benefit."

Sorry 'bout that. �

It was like this but religious and they were trying to desensitize me to my emotional OE's only they didn't call it that. �That's totally something different than a sensory lab. �Like I said, I apologize.

La Texican, no apologies needed. You expressed your concerns, and I brought up his experience so you could compare and let me know if this sounded like yours. If it did, I was going to PM more questions.

I agree something has to be done. �I'm banking on �"the nurtured heart approach, transforming the difficult child" because it claims to be able to de-energize the situation without going on an emotional roller-coaster ride. �Which would obviously be very important to me given my history. �So far I think it's setting us up for success. �My husband doesn't quite understand my need for a peaceful method without power struggle, but he's seen the out of control results of kids without any intervention or discipline or structure. �And our kids might get ADD from either side of our family. �So really it was a relief that we both think this program is setting us up for success. �He said just yesterday that we were lucky to begin this program and get it in place before the second child is born. �

Again I apologize for jumping to conclusions about your son's therapy. �I am thoroughly embarrassed and apologetic. �

How do you stop to do meditation when you need to remain hypervigilant because you are in the middle of a nightmare? How do you take deep breaths when the smell is making you sick?

Yesterday, my sister took my dad to the hospital because he has had heart problems in the past and recent tests showed there might again be a problem. We all thought it would be like last time and he would need to stay overnight. My dad gave me a crash course in taking care of my mother and how to deal with typical difficulties. He said his best advice for me was just to "improvise." My mother is totally incontinent. Sometimes she doesn't want to get her clothes changed and she sits down and I am not strong enough to pick her up. My dad can't do it either. He says you have to leave her there until she decides to get up. I now realize there is a big safety issue here. What if there is a fire or a tornado? I changed my kids' diapers but this is not anything like that because I could control their behavior since they were a lot smaller than me. I had to give my mother medication several times a day on schedule and it took a long time because she spits out pills. I had to pick them up and put them in her mouth. She bit my dad once when he did this. I wiped my kids' noses and cleaned them from head to toe and it didn't bother me. This is my mother and she was a wonderful mother. I must be horrible to be having such trouble with this. I promised my dad years ago when my mother suffered the damage to her brain that I would support his decision to take care of her at home and would help in any way I could. My son was four. I didn't know we would have to homeschool and he would have disabilities that required more frequent doctor visits than the average kid. All I knew was that he was incredibly smart so I thought everything would be easy.

While taking care of my mother, I got a call from my son. He outgrew his scoliosis brace and the velcro was no longer working and I had to use a safety pin to keep it from slipping. He can't go to the bathroom with the brace on and he can't take it off by himself with the safety pin in back. He said it was an emergency. I had to run next door and fix that problem and so it was back and forth like that all day. We have had to do a lot of unschooling lately because of circumstances beyond our control. His knowledge of history and science and vocabulary and current events continues to grow but he doesn't find time to do math if I leave it up to him. He also "forgets" to do his exercises or his head hurts too much to do them even though he knows the brace will make his weak core muscles even weaker if he doesn't do them.

Even though I tried to maintain my state of hypervigilance at home with my son while also keeping an eye on my parents next door I didn't notice that the velcro straps on my son's brace were loosening each time he sneezed or moved. We think this is why there was a progression even though he wore the brace all summer even through the long musical theater rehearsals. When we started using the safety pin it was like he had to get used to the brace all over again with the back pain. When my son is in pain, I swear I feel it too. I felt horrible for not noticing but he wears a shirt over the brace and I couldn't see that there was a problem. So I feel I need to be even more hypervigilant than I am.

I can't take anxiety medications because they make me too tired to deal with what I must deal with. I am afraid the doctor will want to increase my blood pressure medication which will make me even more tired. I say little prayers throughout the day. I am doing the best I know how to do.

No, it's nothing like what I was thinking. Holding them still and getting them wound up while they cry and wiggle hugging them firmly but gently and I'll let you go when you can control yourself.

Wow Lori, I really can't imagine anything worse than what it must be like to watch your own child suffer.

Lori, maybe I don't know you well enough for it to be appropriate to send you a cyberhug but if you want it, there's one in the air for you from me! I was just looking back at some of your past posts - no wonder you're feeling at the end of your tether. You are not horrible - you're dealing with a harder lot of stuff than many people ever have to.

Concretely, the most obvious practical thing from your post is that you need a better solution than that safety pin! Is your DS due a new brace that will solve that problem, or can other people who've experienced them or his carers help you to find a solution that will let him go to the toilet unaided? That seems like a pretty basic piece of functionality to expect, for his dignity as well as to take a burden off you. He's 12, right? Maybe he could take responsibility for leading the problem solving on this one.

About when to find time for meditation - I've BTDT in the sense of having times when life was so overwhelming that there seemed to be no time at all for me. I think there are no ideal solutions, but "put your own mask on first" definitely applies. You need to look after your own needs, or you simply won't be able to keep looking after others. Also, you know how people tell new mothers "sleep when the baby sleeps"? That never worked literally for me, but the principle is good: any time you know you are not just about to be interrupted for something urgent, make that your meditation/nap/you time - don't squander it on housework or other stuff that is, ultimately, less important and more interruptible.

I think generally, it's important to distinguish between stuff that really is important to keep on top of on a daily basis and stuff that's not. I think in your place I might, for example, decide to keep chasing my DS about his exercises, but tell him that I simply wasn't going to chase him about his maths until, say, 2011. If he knows you're not going to be responsible for whether he does his maths, for a while, he may (after a bit) pick up that responsibility himself - particularly since you say he's interested in science, which he'll realise at some point requires maths! - and if he doesn't, he won't come to long-term harm by doing no maths for 4 months; he'd just have to do more in 2011 (tell him that, too!)

Lori, I'm so sorry this is happening.

I know it's hard to think this way when you're drowning in it, but: to whom can you apply for help in caring for your mother? You need at the very least a part time LPN to come and give her meds, keep her clean, and deal with other needs. At least.

I think you should make room in the day for a phone call to a social service agency for the disabled or elderly (probably county-level, I am guessing) and find out who offers help of this kind, and start the process. Maybe your mother's primary care doctor can refer you to the right agency.

This should be framed to them as an emergency situation because your dad is in the hospital and can no longer serve as caregiver. But it sounds as though, if she's not able to get up when she should, his caregiving was already not enough to meet the need.

I know it's hard to make that kind of call, but this falls in the category of "put your own oxygen mask on first"-- get more help in place so you can breathe and assess the situation without panic.

Best wishes,
DeeDee

((Lori))
I don't know how you do it, you have such a big job right now. I know that you promised your Dad, to be there for him, but it is ok to at least consider if you want to renegotiate that promise.

My guess is that staying hypervigilant isn't really going to help you never miss an opportunity to be helpful to your son - as in the case of his brace. If you are so hypervigilant that you are a bundle of nerves then it will decrease your ability to function. Hypervigilant is great for alert, but not so good for deciding what to do while alert.

There might be a fire or tornato, but the odds must be small. I think a relaxed and determined state would probably be just as good in responding to a crisis as your default HV, yes?

I am teaching myself to meditate 'one minute at a time' - and I'm starting under rather less stressful minutes than ones where I am likely to toss my cookies because of the smell. I am sure that there are moments at night when all is well and you still aren't sleeping that might be better minutes to start practicing deep breathing. I know I have these moments, and I used to fret about being away when I needed to be asleep. Now I notice that I'm awake and think, "Wow, no one wants me to do anything - this is a great chance to practice my breathing."
Also waiting in line at the grocery store.

What does the doctor say about the brace not fitting? If you have to live with it, at least sew a snap on instead of the safety pin. You son has a great sense of humor, can he get you laughing about being stuck and needing to go to the bathroom?

Maybe he'll make a comedy routine about the ups and downs of wearing a brace?

BTW - To be a good mother doesn't mean getting everything right every time. I think you would call me a good mother, but I can assure you that there have been times when my son was walking around in sneakers where the soles were totally disconnected from the uppers. Sure I was mortified, but it is just part of parenting. Can you make peace with life's little unexpected bumps?

In other words - you haven't, not one bit, convinced me that you aren't a good mother because your son outgrew his brace.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I love what Grinity wrote and have found this quote useful when feeling overwhelmed:
"And we don't have to wait for a moment of peace to be mindful; mindfulness brings moments of peace to our lives. Mindfulness is always available to us, with each breath." David Ludwig

Love that quote Inky. So appropriate and lovely too.

Area Agency on Aging. Are you Texas? http://www.aaacap.org/areaagenciesbycounty.html

There are many different kinds of anxiety medication. What kinds of have you tried? There may be classes of medication you have not tried that do not cause tiredness. It sounds like it is time to visit the doctor to take another look at it. If medication is not an option then you are going to need to take other steps - therapy, meditation, breathing, learning to change your thought patterns, etc.

I understand being dealt a totally crappy and overwhelming hand. Unfortunately sometimes that has to happen. Yes, you may need to spend some time feeling bad about it, but getting stuck in that place will do you no good. It only makes you more unable to do what it takes to make the situation more manageable.

Hi Lori,

I was surfing Hoagies Page (Hey, it's the weekend, right?)
and saw this link.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

When I read the essay, I thought of you and this thread. I'm guessing it feels like no one understands how little resource you have. I'm not sure exactly how this fits with the thread, but have an intution that you can tell me, yes?

Some problems can be solved by shifting perspective.
Some by being more determined to avoid unhelpful, but comfortable, old habits.
Some by 'working smarter.'
Some problems don't get better until we hit bottom and get desperate.
Some problems doen't get better, but we get better at living with them.
Some problems don't get better at all.

I love you. I love what you post. I love the picture of your life that you share. You are such a good Mother, and a good Giftie.

Hugs,
Grinity