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Update after the first week or two:
It uses 1 minute time outs inspired by a video game death. �No warning, you break a rule, you go to time out. �Game over. � But it's not a punishment. �It only lasts for 60 seconds. �Then I have to make a big deal thanking him for doing a good time out. �It's working. �The "punishment's" so light he doesn't really resist, but it's consistent enough to stop him from breaking the rules quickly when I say stop. �He still wants to throw a fit for being told to stop, but he really can't seem to get a good one worked up convincingly with this routine. �I don't have to fight him or hold him in the corner, I just say fine, go to your room. �Life stops until you do your time out. �Tell me when you're ready to do it. � ��
Let me repeat myself because I'm stoked - I have a three year old that stops when I say stop and can't even throw a fit about it good enough to convince anybody- woo-hoo!

I tacked a mandala on the wall in front of his time-out chair. Legend says looking at a mandala makes you happy. Now when I say, you broke a rule, go to your chair, put your hands in your lap, be quiet, look at your flower, he usually does it with a smile.
Heeheehee, I can think of a few people who would say that means I'm not punishing him right if it makes him smile.

I'm late to this, but I'm going to have to get the book... or something. I found myself this weekend in tears for yelling at DS like he was an adult... and really, I am just ashamed. I cried afterwards for at least an hour. I know I scared him to death.


Now this hits home b/c getting DH on board is the single hardest thing I have standing in my way. I am really not sure how my mom raised me, as I did not come from a house of yelling or hitting or anything... not sure how I turned out with such a short fuse... but DH, DH grew up in a house of beatings... raw beatings. Granted, he doesn't beat or attempt to beat either DC, but he doesn't even want to look at this type of thing.

La Tex, You Rock!

That is such great news. I love your insight that it isn't about breaking rules, it's about the behavior spiral that occurs once the rule is broke!

Remember that the time out doesn't have to be as long as 60 seconds, 5 seconds will do once your son gets good at it, and as your son gets older, it can be anytime, anywhere. After all, how long does it take you to reset yourself? Probably about 5 seconds. Still, for right now, you have a routine that works for your whole family - yippee!!

Grinity

((hugs JJsMom))
I really feel for you. I know that my son has collected more than his share of 'hole rippings' due to his 'adult sounding vocabulary.' There is something protective about baby talking that is spookily missing with some of our kids.

Good for you for having a good cry about it, and resolving to change. The 95th thing I love about Nurtured Heart Approach is that you don't need DH to be aboard to make it work, although it is faster and easier if DH will read the material and takes it on. But DH will catch on, if he sees it working, it will sink in. No matter what his upbringing was like - NHA is a 'start from today' kind of approach.


Speaking of starting from today, I hope you will reset yourself when you start to be distracted by guilt over your last weekend's behavior. Sure, vent or journal about it when you have a moment to rest and reflect, but during your day keep your mind on the present moment. You aren't yelling now. I hope you will remember that there are a lot of worse things that you didn't do, and that you deserve a lot of credit for all the times you haven't yelled at DS this way. If our perfectionism didn't get in the way, then we would notice that grown ups 'rip a new one' for their kids in public, on a pretty frequent basis. Parenting is messy!

Today, keep track of all the things you love and approve of about yourself, your DH and your DS. Describe what you see if it's comfortable and natural, or just beam a smile from your heart. It feels so much better.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

JJsMom, I've yelled so many times lately. I'm at the end of my pregnancy and I've had the PM'S style cramps for two weeks. I don't act like I'm on the rag even when I am, but, pfff, it's got the best of me this week. I feel terrible. But I think it's aweful, but at least I'm not like this all the time. Embarrassing how sometimes Mamma acts like a baby. And up till now I've acted so grown up since I had a baby. I'll probably have a few more embarrassing days once the new baby gets the teething fevers keeping me up at night and then the pre-schooler wants all the attention all day long.

This program could be really good in so many ways. �I don't let Wyatt have anything to drink at bedtime because that's the only time he's still in pampers. �(I just cut and shared an orange, I'm not totally cruel.). He wanted something to drink. �I said no, it's bedtime. �He went to the fridge anyway and opened it. �I said Wyatt, get out of the fridge and go to bed. �He let out a single angry shriek. �Then he walked in here and said, "I need to go to time out. �I screamed."
That self-control is priceless. �I've posted before that I've always tried to avoid developing his emotional OE's since I lived them and have since learned something about them. �Meanwhile the hubby said, "you have to let him know you're not afraid of his feelings.". Which sounds true except I know that letting him get worked up and walking him through it isn't going to teach him how to control it. �It's going to give him practice and make him better at getting worked up. � This program is achieving what both the hubby and I wanted for our son. �It's teaching him self-control and without an emotional roller-coaster ride. �And at such a young age. �I got so lucky. �And on only the fourth parenting book I tried. �I'm not on commission, but if this keeps working I'm going to keep bragging.

LOL, JJsMom, I just did that myself last week. DS is only 7yo .

Have gotten back on the bandwagon and am SOOO glad there's my trusty NHA workbook to refer to and guide me. And this thread that I've been reading silently to give me support. Thanks La Tex, for your positive stories! And of course, Grinity for being there for us.

LOL too about getting DH onboard. DH is the ultimate laissez faire parent - next to him, I feel like the Wicked Witch of the West. I was never like this either, but the stress of managing DS' LDs and school demands (there have been complaints yet again but hiding work that has to be handed up) is just adding up.

I've taken up knitting to purl away my stress. SO in my case, tempers rising? Look for my knitting bag while he does his mini timeout. It's a good break for both of us. I'm sure the minutes will add up somehow!

Thanks all! I felt it sinking in last night as DH was not home til late. I had to get both DC ready for bed, which sounds like it should be easy, but it isn't always the case - they are BOTH strong willed. DS6 began a pouting routine and hit my button... but I soon realized, I'm going to "kill him with kindness" and not yell. By the time I got DD4 out of the shower, I was praising DS6 for reading quietly, etc... WHEW. This may just work!

Oh, and blob, I feel like the WWW too!!! Glad I am not alone! Whew!

Ok, I am so getting NHA. I liked Explosive Child, but my DH doesn't really like the negotiation aspect of it. I have no idea how to get him on board. NHA might work better.:) I can hope.

Amen Sister! That is so beautiful. I love the descriptions of the OEs, and reading that I'm not alone with them was a great step towards self-understanding, but there has to be a way we can build our children's inner wealth to the point where they can handle these extra-strong feelings. It isn't fair that our kids have to work twice as hard to handle these extra-strong feelings, but if we plan to send them to school at tender ages, then we had better find a way to teach them this lesson before they get to school.

Love and More Love,
Grinity