Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion 'too much for other people to take'

This thread is so interesting.

I think extroverted and intense are different things -- and that there are different types of intensity. I know some very quiet intense people... like, people who can sit at a computer screen, hardly moving (except those lightning-fast fingers), but you can practically see their brain humming. And, my default is something akin to mellow, but I can get intense pretty quickly (sometimes 'hot headed' would be the better word...) and then back again.

I find that my "intensity" has mellowed over the years. When I was younger, I had an annoying obsession with correcting other people and did not suffer what I perceived to be "fools" lightly. During my first career, I was surrounded by other bright people -- I would even say "competitively smart" people. Eventually, I looked around that none of the people who were ahead of me in that particular rat-race had lives that I wanted for myself. I said good-bye to that life (major existential meltdown at 30) and much of the behavior that went with it many years ago now.

I find that having kids and dealing with school has necessitated another major readjustment. I need to work with a much broader spectrum of people. I respect that other people's kids do not have the same experiences and needs as my kids. I don't think that the whole school needs to revolve around the gifted program. At the same time, I don't hide who I am. If I have a strong opinion, I voice it and usually can bring others around to my way of thinking. I know that some people at school are intimidated by the fact that I am open about my own giftedness -- still don't understand why this is such a big deal, you'd swear I was admitting to some horrible disease. Sometimes I do feel isolated and that other people don't get me. At the same time, I just don't want to waste my time pretending to be something I am not.

BTW, I also get accused of being an intellectual in my book club (even though I tend to be the one who recommends things that are smart-ass and satirical, instead of DEEP).

Grinity, I think this is more about your "Tiggerlike" personality and less about your giftedness. You are a very vivacious and bouncy individual. For the Piglets, Rabbits, and Eeyores of the world, Tigger may at times seem "too much". But your bouncing is part of your charm, and those of us who know you appreciate you for being you!

Perhaps you need to tone it down in certain situations, but don't try to paint over those stripes!

your friend,

Lorel

Thanks Lorel - which reminds me of one of my ideas for a Tee Shirt

"When you hear hoofbeats - Think Zebras!"

I was just reflecting on this thread. I spend a bit of time nowadays to learn to keep my mouth shut and seriously refrain from saying to my own child ... "you're so intense, you're so.... " etc etc, as I know that doesn't help anyone at all.

I remember getting that a lot as a child. It felt that whenever I said something, I said in a "too much" way and often regretted speaking out. I spent lots of time pretending that I didn't exist when I was kid. So this really hits close to home.

I love it! DD has been going to OT recently where they talk about "How Your Engine Runs." The OT keeps referring to it in terms of Winnie the Pooh characters. DD has updated the program so that is all about Warrior Cats.

I still remember my mother telling me that I felt things too deeply. I hope my daughter knows she is entitled to her deep feelings.

Yes, I am very intense, though very self-conscious in certain social situations and definitely introverted. I have learned over the years to tone it down when I'm teaching or presenting, as I tend to overwhelm people when I share my knowledge (and enthusiasm for mathematics and science). Hearing my daily schedule can exhaust people...

Still, my family and some close friends are the only ones who see the full extent of my intensity most of the time, as my shield is up most of the time, as well.

Another intense introvert here. People don't seem to understand people who have an intense drive to learn everything there is to know about a subject, or who have broad knowledge of many subjects. And our excitement to share information is quite often interpreted as being 'know-it-alls'.

I'm another intense introvert. My biggest problem is fitting in at work. I always seem to care too much. I take deadlines and ethical issues seriously. I worry about looming problems, logistical details and budget shortfalls that don't seem to be on anyone else's radar. I'd rather look for solutions to problems than sweep them under the rug. It's important to me that I do quality work. You'd think those would be good qualities in an employee, but my boss thinks I'm a total drag. I think I've come to represent all the things she doesn't want to think about or deal with. She's happiest when I'm simply warming my chair and doing just enough to get by. In order to fit in, I have to keep reminding myself that most people, my boss and coworkers included, are most comfortable with mediocrity. Aiming for anything more than that seems to threaten them and put them on the defensive. Sometimes, just to get through the day when I'm stressed out over something that no one else seems to care about, I actually repeat the words "I don't care," until I finally start to believe it. It's isolating to say the least.

In my house it was 'You're OverSensitive!' - in the form of an accusation. Strange how close that is to 'OverExcitable.' But my cousins lately have been telling me that they wish that instead of a sympathetic mom like they had, they had had bossy Mom like I had because as adults they let themselves off the hook too easily. In daily life I have found that I can put up with some pretty challenging situations.

I'm actually giggling when I think of the layers and layers of 'outward directed perfectionism' that get bounced between the generations in my extended family. I want so badly to get it right for my son - and yet - getting out from under perfectionism is no easy task!

((Hugs)) to Jesse, Chrys, LilMIck, OHGrand, and Ms. Friz
Grinity