Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments It's not optimal, but is it ENOUGH?

This is a really hard question, like everyone else has said it depends on the child. My DS7 (then 5) was in a school that was more than willing to do anything they could for him. He was radically accelerated 4 grade levels in the hopes that he would find some challenge. In spite of our best efforts, it just didn't work. He had challenges all right, social ones... 4th graders are a mean lot!

We finally decided that homeschooling was the best answer. I started homeschooling in the hopes that at some point he could return to school. The problem there is that he accelerated himself to where he is now 7+ years ahead of where he should be so it made finding a "fit" that much harder. The other issue is that he has quickly come to a point where I don't feel I can adequately teach him. He recently started a chemistry class on-line and I admit it, I'm lost!

In a strange twist, we did manage to find a program that he will start this fall as a part time student. It is a prep school that is attached to the local university and the principal seems sure that she can make it work. He will have access to college courses when he needs them. I hope so because i'm not sure what to do next if it doesn't.

In our case, the situation you described wouldn't have worked. My DS is WAY too demanding. But he is extreme. For others, afterschooling works really well. Maybe you could do afterschooling in a project based format. Like a science fair project complete with all the testing and research? Choose a subject that he is passionate about and really dig in.

The truth is that even in the land of gifted, they're all different and the only thing that w all seem to agree on i that following your "mommy gut" seems to work best.

In any conversation about "is it enough?" I always like to bring up Carolyn K's wonderful article about finding the least-worst school fit: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/least-worst.htm

Before we make *any* decision about school stuff--and we revisit our choices at least briefly every year--I go back and re-read that article. It reminds me that doing nothing is a choice, and it is not necessarily the best choice. It reminds me that there's no point on getting hung up on perfect; stay focused on what's really available. It also reminds me to look at all our possible options instead of limiting ourselves prematurely.

So I guess instead of asking "is it enough?" I'd ask "Is there something that's potentially better available?"

If you went with some other educational option, would your child have to lose those friendships at the school, or could you maintain those and build new ones at a different public school, a private school, or in a homeschool group?

Can you get creative and do partial homeschooling/dual enrollment and get the best of both worlds?

Are there other solutions around that might make something that seems hard easier? Research is your friend.

I guess what I'm saying is to start with everything that you could do, then use pros and cons and workarounds to decide which of those possibilities is the least-worst option. It's a bigger question, but ultimately it is a more useful and productive question for me than "Is what we're doing enough?"

HTH!

Hard to find the time too. He is tired when he comes home. I'm hoping hoping 3rd grade will be better. He at least learned cursive in 2nd but sad to say that was it. And it is sad thing when a straight A+ report card is not impressive. Of course I told him he did great. Inside I think he could have sat home all year and got the same grades. What a sad thing.

Thanks for all the replies. Right now, we're hoping the current school gives us something to work with. We'll find out later this summer.

Kriston, I am going to go read that article. Thanks for posting the link.

I think that I'm stil trying to understand what the "least-worst" option is. The kids want to stay in their school AND learn. They don't want to homeschool. They want to believe that the school can provide appropriate learning opportunities. I want to believe that, too, but the last 3 years has shown me otherwise. I'm hopeful that the school will really come through.

If they don't, I'm still left wondering whether it's better to keep the kids at the school like they want and challenge them in the off-times (like summer), or whether the better option is really to homeschool and I should look at it like teeth brushing -- the kids don't really WANT to do it, but I won't have them getting a mouthful of cavities either. I'm sure there's a more pleasant analogy than that, but it's been a long day.

I would actually love to homeschool the kids. It's been something we've considered since before DS8 started K, and frankly I'm a good teacher. DH fell in love with the current school, though, and I think he worries that the kids wouldn't have a "normal" life, with the same exposure to other kids their age. Of course, the other issue is the money -- giving up my job would really make it hard.

I wish I had a crystal ball to figure out how much was needed to ensure that the kids learn a decent academic work ethic, how to overcome challenge, and not develop a bunch of life-long lazy habits. If anyone around here's amazing kid invents a way to look into the future, please PM me.

Least-worst options usually involve part-time or full time acceleration. No one really wants their child to be sitting next to older kids all day - but at least the child is sitting next to kids of some kind all day.

Challenge in afterschool and in summer works well for some kids.

I think the next best thing to a crystal ball is to observe who the child reacts to novel learning situation, and to learning situations where some work is required. If the child only wants to play if they are sure to win - that tells you a lot without a crystal ball!

Smiles,
Grinity

Funny you should mention that. We enrolled DS in a CTY online Critical Reading class for the first time this summer. He's just starting his 2nd week. So far, what I've seen is a lazy attitude with high expectations. He doesn't want to take the time to think about the questions, nor to answer them fully, but he thinks his answers deserve high praise. Frankly, he's been more absorbed with messing with the fonts on the computer than answering the questions. It is only the second week, though, and I'm very interested to see how he progresses. Perhaps the class will be more valuable than just providing DS with a learning experience. Maybe, as you suggest, it might provide insight into whether or not it is enough.

Thanks for the thoughtful reply!

I am worried the same will happen in the fall when I enroll DS7 in a reading class at CTY. I hope it won't be a waste of $600!

Necessarily? No. I agree. Everyone is different.

But I have a really hard time thinking that because people are sometimes able to overcome crummy circumstances, it means that it's perfectly okay to keep kids in crummy circumstances. The logic there doesn't work for me. Unless you think the kids are being made better by the crummy circumstances, the ends don't justify the means.

If we can do better for them--whatever better is, given an individual child's and family's needs--why not do it?

That's why I like the idea of looking at all the options available and going for the least-worst, rather than saying "how much damage is what we're doing going to do to my child?" Casting a wider net makes better sense to me.

I agree with everyone else, that it depends so much on the kid, whether they are happy or not, etc. From our experience with our DD8, it comes down simply to whether she is learning some new things. Eventhough she's been grade advanced, the work is still easy for her and certainly not moving at a fast enough pace. But at least much of the information is new to her. She also has things like a better social fit, so that allows us to be more okay with the lack of proper pace. As long as some things she's studying are new to her, I'm okay with that for now. Of course, that's why we're still advocating for DS6 after a year of having basically nothing new to learn. We're not wanting the perfect fit for him (well, okay, that would be nice !), just for him to learn something new. We figure that if they're going to spend almost 7 hours a day at school, they should learn something new.

TraceyQNS, what Grinity said really made me stress less about the CTY course and gave me a different perspective.


I've decided that whether or not DS8 does well in the CTY class, for us it won't be a waste of money. If he does well - great, we'll heave a sigh of relief and say it's not too late, and we'll look for other things along these same lines to keep him challenged. If he doesn't respond in an acceptable way, we'll see DS likely NEEDS something more than we're doing now, and will probably make more drastic changes.

Thanks for the insight, Grinity!