Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Amplifying/Intensity

I�m quite frustrated/disappointed right now so I am taking a �Mommy time-out� to collect myself and beg for guidance. Please forgive how disjointed this sounds.

DS5 seems to amplify (my description of it) other children�s behavior �especially when they are being wild or silly.

Few examples from this week:
-Other kids were dancing to music, DS begins dancing, flailing and eventually knocking others down. He doesn�t do it to be mean, he just completely lacks the awareness to see that he is out-of-control.
-His summer day camp instructor mentioned that he became crazy, wild during the group�s morning assembly/song time. The group leader has the kids sit down and stand-up, clap hands, stomp feet, etc. to the music which just becomes a catalyst for him to be wild and crazy.
-Today at Mathnasium (normally his favorite part of the week), he was filling a cup from a water cooler. He managed to over-fill it (absent minded? Intentional?) and water began pouring onto the floor. The other kids began laughing at this so DS hammed it up a bit and made it happen more, while laughing uncontrollably. Then, he took the overflowing cup of cold water and threw it on his teacher so she was completely drenched. (How is it that the kid can�t throw a ball but manages to hit his target this time?? Ugh!!) The program director said that he did it to be silly and it wasn�t being malicious. He then cried for some time and was difficult for them to console.

He�s never done anything quite like this- We had SMALL issues with this similar wild behavior in the past (particularly when he was around young kids) but now it is disrupting his activities enough that I�m afraid he won�t be able to continue participating. DS is the youngest kid at Mathnasium, his future school and some of his other activities. So, to some extent, he needs to be well-behaved and in-control in order to be given those privileges. Overall, he�s a really good kid but this wild behavior seems to be escalating.

Thoughts?

ETA: I really feel like the behavior is unintentional, perhaps a self-control issue or a factor of his overall intensity.

Hi, just dropping a note to say I hear you. Have you considered, during quiet time between you and him, to review/debrief what happened? Give him a scale of 1-5 where 1 is quiet/calm and 3 is like a bit of a wind storm, and 5 is just all crazy wild.

Then next time it happens, have him evaluate what he felt and what happened to him. Provide him some words, etc etc to describe the situation, etc. In the long run, help him recognize and see what is happening. He might still be too young to explain or understand his own situation so this may take some time.

I know I'm not much help. Someone else will probably come along with better ideas.

Here's a book you may want to try.

Elliott, Laura.
Title Hunter's best friend at school / by Laura Malone Elliott ; illustrated by Lynn Munsinger.

He sounds extraordinarily sensitive/empathetic to me. It doesn't seem to be mean-hearted, like you are saying. I would talk to a specialist to rule out some sort of issue that you'd like to know about, but overall your son sounds like a treasure and I'm sure he can learn to control himself better with effort. jesse's advice seems good to me; he needs to be aware in the moment of what's happening and what's appropriate, which may take some practice.

I loved the water story for showing his intensity, although of course we can't be throwing things on people on a day to day basis.

Thank you for all the suggestions and the calm responses. My DH assured me that I was overreacting to the situation because I see future implications that may or may not exist.

We talked about the wind storm and on his prompting created a "secret sign" to use as a reminder for when I think "tornado strength forces" are coming so that he can work on calming down.

We've got the book on hold too so we'll see where this takes us . . .

He had a few small incidences today and I realized he's often like a car with the accelerator stuck down. He may start off way behind the pack so he races to catch up and ends up leaving everyone behind. He does this academically and emotionally. Where is that darn cruise control??

[quote=sittin pretty]Thank you for all the suggestions and the calm responses. My DH assured me that I was overreacting to the situation because I see future implications that may or may not exist.

The best advice I ever received on here was to not look to far ahead at the future. No one can predict where your DS will be a month from now, never mind in the distant future. It truly is a recipe that will drive you insane.

He sounds so much like my sone now 11. DS always seems to take activities and feelings to the MAX. However, he does not do it with the intention of garnering attention, or causing problems. It just seems to be the way he is wired. At 5 I was in despair that he would ever be able to control himself appropriately. Now at 11, he has gained some ability to self regulate. Not so much that he still isn't the most out there of the group, but enough that he rarely causes harm to anyone.
We did work on how to recognize what is calm and then degrees to out of control. It was a long fristrating process, but with some hand signals that we worked out and taught to his teachers, he did get alot better over time. Another thing you might want to look into is a program called How Does Your Engine Run. We had limited success with it, but many have said it was greatly beneficial.

I don't have any suggestions, just wanted you to know that I can empathize with you since my DD4 does very similar things. She can be so well behaved, but then she gets caught up in the energy of things and can spiral out of control and get wild--not harmful at all, just really silly / wild. She is getting better and I keep hoping she will just grow out of it. Hang in there. It can be embarassing for us as parents.