Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums GT Research identity, masking, sense of self

Hi.

We're looking for any suggestions to help PG dd, 7yo. She's a PG kiddo who hides it well, can match any social situation/peers etc. A total chameleon. But, she's a mess whenever she has playdates with other kids - comes home baby-talking (not exactly, but the best way I can describe it), needy, insecure, etc. While the ability to succeed in social situations can be a major survival skill for a PG kid, we're pretty sure DD doesn't feel OK with who she really is (or possibly even know who she is). I can find lots of articles about this issue in PG kids, but not much on how to actually help them. BTW, we homeschool, the other kids she plays with are all at least above average bright or GT but not PG. When she's with other adults she also puts on the strange behavior, speaking in babyish mono-syllable, and exhibiting behavior she knows to be extremely annoying. Any help appreciated.

Are you in Davidson? If not, you might apply. The family counsellors are great at helping to find information and resources - even consults with psychs to help deal with issues like this.

My son didn't used to feel good about himself (also PG), but a more rigorous school situation along with new friends that he feels he has something in common with have done wonders.

Homeschooling didn't work well for us - he actually does better when he spends time at school. No particular idea why - just know it works. So we go with it.

Mary

Hi Jill,
My first thought is to do a quick check and see if the homeschool material is advanced enough for dd. PG kids are famous for making breathtaking leaps forward in their development so what worked last week may to "way below level" this week.

The other thought I had, and this is a long shot, is that you don't want to have a hot ****on (being irritated at her speech patterns) hanging out were a PG kid can see it. Here's how I conceptualize it: PG kids (and perhaps all kids) want their parents to be perfect, and if they see a blemish on your body or your character, they tend to pick at it until you notice it, in hopes that you'll handle it. Do you have a "mommy mentor" that you can vent to about it? If so, see if you can get to the point where you take delight in your daughter's ability to mimic her surrondings - this will be a big asset in learning a world language and handling the world in general. After you've dismantled the part that irritates you, you can go after assisting her where she needs it.
For What It's Worth-
Trinity

I'm trying to type "hot ****on"

"hot botton" ?

A friend once explained my son's goofball behavior to me this way:

Imagine putting an 8 yr old in a K class, all 5 yr old in there. The 8 yr old is either going to act bossy, or goofy, because that is the only way he/she can relate to those young'uns. Well, even though chronologically your child is one age, and maybe often even emotionally, mentally, they are just functioning at a different level, and so acts odd to be able to relate to those kids in class.

It is why my son turned into the class clown when he was litte. (We now homeschool, and sometimes he still clowns around, but we also have some interesting, and serious talks. Then he goes off and plays....)