Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional emotional meltdowns at school

I need some advice. DD has been having some emotional outbursts at school (tears, inconsolable sobbing). She'll pull it together, and then melt down again at home at bedtime. She is 8 and PG and I suspect has some OE-ness. Having very occasional extreme meltdowns at home is normal for us. Having it happen at school is new.

Her classroom teacher at the suggestion from out DYS FC put her on a learning contract system to help her pay more attention at school and get more of her work done. For the most part this has been a huge success - she is getting her work done, staying focused, better behaved... But when she doesn't get a "star" for the class period she get really teary.

It seems like the whole thing has gotten to be too much pressure. And the teacher and I agree that she can "graduate" from the chart system Monday becuase "she has been doing such a good job."

- So here is one of my concerns. We have been waiting for a year to have her receive sensory integration OT at a private facility. She completed the evaluation a few weeks ago. We are now waiting for the report to come back. Since then I have found out that the actual treatment is on longer covered by our insurance. And would cost over 100 a week. If the sensory integration would help soothe her emotions, I would consider it. But the cost is very high and I'm not sure if the effects are long lasting.

- She has started to talk about paying more attention at school means that the work is now WAY too easy even though it is differentiated. Getting even more challenging work would pull her out of groups with her two best friends and she is worry about "alienating" them. Ouch. From some other things she has said, she seems to suddenly be a lot more concerned about what her peers think of her which is a huge change. She actually wrote her teacher and principal a letter about this issue. They seemed supportive of what she had to say, but of course nothing has changed.

I wonder if the behavior chart is driving this new awareness, or if she is growing up, or there is another underlying thing I don't know about. It has been an exhausting few weeks.

The school is still pushing that she is autistic, even though the ped and neuropsych ruled that out. The school wants us to go see a new neuropsych for guidance. I looked him up and he has no experience with gifted at all. Since its a private school, I am wondering if they are trying to get us to leave which would suck because she loves her school and friends so much. I do plan to meet with Dr. Amend this summer - I'm just waiting on that OT report to come back so that there can be a method behind this.

If you made it to the end of my rant, thank you. It really does help to have a safe place to speak out about what is going on.

I would pay for the sensory integration therapy with the OT, no matter what the cost. It has been a life saver for us. We went through it once for 3 or 4 months when DS was in preschool and are doing it again now 2 years later. The effects ARE long lasting...DS has been using the "strategies" he learned years ago and now needs an upgrade to more age appropriate strategies, so we are taking him again to outside OT. Invariably, when the school makes a negative comment about DS, it feels like a knife in my chest; but when I take him to see one of his outside support team (psychologist, OT, SLP, social skills group, ASD specialist, or psychiatrist depending on the school's complaint) s/he says the school doesn't know what they are talking about. We do a little fine-tuning and DS is back to doing ok in school. DS is 2e, unlike your daughter, so he has an IEP and support at school, but what school provides and what we can get outside are lightyears apart. We thought once he was in public school, our costs for therapies would be nothing, but the schools just cannot provide what private therapists can.

Unfortunately, although your school "seems supportive" they don't have to do anything. Even with our legally binding IEP in a public school, we have had countless meetings to "remind" the school that they MUST follow the plan!! I can't imagine trying to convince the school of what they need to do without DSs IEP...they would laugh us out of town. Since you are in a private school, can you have an IEP? If not, can you write out a "contract" with the school to get them to follow the plan you need for your daughter?

Nan

Thanks Nan!