Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy A must-read article before talking to the school..

Telling the truth, how interesting of a topic. DD9 was similar and had a "healthy" self-image that didn't win her too many friends. Over time and after many conversations she has learned that although some things are true, you don't say them out loud. Like commenting on a person's weight, or disability or intellect. She is old enough to have learned tact, whereas it is a harder skill for younger children.

We have always approached her intellect like any other attribute (brown hair, great sense of humor, tall etc.) She is different from other people because of the combination of all those attributes, not because of one single one. Not to say that this has always worked perfectly, but maybe it has helped.

Jen

I was just asking my son about this because an adult had said something to me about how smart he was, and since she hadn't known him for more than a few minutes in a non-academic situation, I figured he was probably bragging. I asked how she knew he was smart, and he looked at me like I had three heads.

"I dunno. I guess she could just tell."

"Did you tell her that you're smart?"

[DS6 clucks tongue disapprovingly] "No, Mom. I wouldn't brag like that." [eye roll]

Despite the bit of attitude there, I did find it amusing that this is his take on the "I'm so smart" issue. Apparently those talks we had early this year--when he did brag about how smart he was--have paid off! LOL!

(I also think home schooling has helped, BTW. But that's less funny than the other reason things have improved.)

My DD has always know she is very smart. She also knows she cannot take any credit for how smart she is and therefore it is nothing to brag about. She can feel proud (and even brag a bit) if she has worked really hard on something and she has learned/mastered a new skill. We always talk about the fact that we can only do our best and that our best is different for different kids.

We had some parenting classes last year at her school where the subject came up of just how much you tell your children about their giftedness. Some parents believed that they had to "hide" it from their neighbors/friends. I very strongly believe that kids need to know they are different. Not better, but definitely different than most kids. I feel that with self awareness they learn to become humble. My kid or your kid can be very smart, even profoundly gifted, but there is always another kid who is even more gifted/talented/tall/cuter (fill in the blank).

There is a quote on her baby book which I have tried to teach her to live by:

"Much is required from those to whom much is given, for their responsibility is greater."
Luke 12:48

It also helps that all the kids at her school are smart, so it would be sort of pointless to brag amongst each other about how smart they are!!

I think that if our children see us looking uncomfortable around the topic of our difference, it sends a strong and negative message.

((shrugs))

Not that it's easy to do otherwise.
Grin

I totally agree about letting your child know they are different. I was never ID'ed GT in school, but I always felt different and I seriously thought something was wrong with me through elementary school. It would have been extremely empowering to know "why" I felt different and that there were other people who felt the same.

DS knows he is GT, but I've always told him that just makes it easier for him to learn certain things. Some people take a little longer. He's more likely to call himself dumb, than brag about how smart he is. Which is annoying too. Occassionally, he'll throw out his reading level (his teacher told him this) if someone comments on some book he's carrying around.

Only through elementary school? Wow! I was also unidentified, and sure that there was something wrong with me until 2 years ago while learning about DS's condition. Is that possible? It feels like forever ago.

((shrug))
((Giggle))
Grinity

Ha! Well, that is true for me as well, but I felt freakishly different in elementary school. In HS and college I managed to find a few like minded freinds! I really thought people weren't trying in math when they didn't get it immediately. College calculus should be easy and fun for everyone, right?!

There really should be a 12 step program for GT denial!