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I , both as a teacher and a person, feel that your DD's sense of ownership and gumption about her education is a vital ingredient for success. I'm betting on the teacher's positive response.

Wow, Master of none you have an amazing dd. I think the teacher will be impressed with her (I know I am) for taking such an interest in her education and also offering solutions.

before going in to talk with the teacher, take a deep breath count to 10 slowly, it will be fine.

best of luck. Keep us posted.

WOW, if my son had HALF of your DD's gumption, I"d be thrilled. Please do post what happens.

Hi MoN,

Your DD sounds simply amazing. Have you given the teacher a heads-up to have some idea what to expect?

I hope it goes well. Please keep us posted.

I'm also a fan of your DD8's gumption and I'll be cheering for you both at the meeting. Good luck!

If it's any consolation, my DD did JUST this same thing. In fact, I found AFTER she already talked to the teacher about it! She was even very strategic in how she presented it so as to not make the teacher feel bad that she wasn't providing her with what she needs. My DD is the same age as your's too! Gotta love these take charge girls! Her teacher DID respond positively (for a short time) or at least in my daughter's eyes. What she thinks is challenging enough my daughter thinks is a cake walk, but she is trying. We are now in the process of arranging a grade accel. so I think the teacher put it somewhat on the back burner because anything she can provide is still not that challenging, if at all. That would require a total curriculum change. She was trying to offer just one grade ahead but that wasn't cutting it either. All's I can say is, don't dread the meeting. Your teacher will most likely feel proud your DD can express her needs that way and be willing to work with you.

Any teacher who's worth talking to will LOVE this. Your daughter is approaching this with a very mature and intelligent attitude.

It's a sad, sad world we live in when all of us (myself included) are surprised and impressed to see a child taking some agency over her own education - really, shouldn't that be the norm??

Sounds like the teacher won't be too receptive to your daughter's message.
Even though it's harder in the short run to go this route, it will pay major dividends in the long run. Girls get so many subtle (and not so subtle) messages to "suck it up," "just be nice," and "go with the flow," that your backing her up on this will be a strong antidote. The good news is DD is only 8 so if the teacher wants to send a message with a lower grade, it's not going to keep her out of college.
Looking forward to hearing your update on the meeting.

Good luck today! Even if the teacher responds negatively, your daughter will know that you are on her side.

((Alarm bells))
((Spock eyebrow raised 2 inches)) Interesting Captain.

There is always the possiblity that the teacher will say groundless,mean things about your daughter in an attempt to throw you of track. Try to rehearse something polite to say or nonverbally say if that old trick is tried.

But yes, what Inky said!
Grinity

Cyberhugs to you and a strong dose of bravery for the meeting- I was one of those girls who was told to just suck it up and go with the flow- you are being a super advocate for your DD- hope it goes well...

Yes, definitely be prepared for that. That happened to me as a student and it was awful.

Even though the teacher didn't understand, did DD feel proud/positive about speaking up and attempting to improve things? If so, that will serve her well in the future as she encounters other situations where a change is needed but others have a hard time seeing it. The best part is she didn't take it all lying down and she'll make one heck of an advocate for your grandkids!

I'm sorry it didn't go better, master of none--I've been thinking of you all day, wondering how it went. Give that little girl a big hug from all of us here.

peace
minnie

At this point in time, I think a meeting with the principal is in order. You have tried approaching the teacher, but I think you need to back your daughter on this one. I am not saying to meet the prinicapl because of this teacher, but rather meet with the princ. because of your child needs. You are your child's advocate and you need to make sure she is getting her educational needs met. I can't imagine a teacher dinging a child's grade because they went too in depth?! CRAZY! The complexity of a gifted child's mind just works that way! PERIOD! I think a meeting to approach teh admin. as to "where do we go next. what can you do for my child" is more than warranted at this point. Do not let one upsetting meeting get you down..... no one eve said the world of advocating was in an easy one but the rewards that come from successful advocation are so worth it for your child's educational as well as emotional needs.

I agree with bh14. I think it's time to meet with the principal.

I'm not sure what the ettiquette is about whether you need to let the teacher know that you are going to do this or not, but it would probably be a good thing to first mention to the teacher that 1) you appreciate her allowing your DD to work more in-depth, especially on open-ended projects (thank her for this modest deviation, eventhough it is clearly not enough), and 2) you are going to set up a meeting with the principal so that you can plan an educational program that will fit your DDs needs next year. By placing it in terms of "next year" you can avoid the teacher feeling defensive about the job she has done (even though she clearly should be doing something different) and, in the process of meeting for "next year" maybe something can be done during these last two months of school.

When you meet with the principal, see if your DD can come, too, and advocate for her own needs just as she tried to do with her teacher. Complement the teacher she has now for any small thing she has done to adjust the curriculum for your daughter, and emphasize that, while you know it is difficult for the curriculum to be adjusted within a class with wide-ranging abilities, you feel it must be done because of X, Y, and Z. Also, be prepared with several different versions of accommodations that you think would help. Subject acceleration and grade acceleration can be good options for schools with budget and teacher constraints, so you will probably want to familiarize yourself with the IAS and research regarding acceleration so you will know if you want this an an option.

You sound like you have a smart, brave girl!

I don't know that you need to let the current teacher know (maybe if you say "for next year" like the pp mentioned.

Having some ideas as to what YOU think the school can do for your child (try to have some reasonable ideas to propose) and then see how they respond or counter those.

Do as much research ahead of time and be prepared and knowledgable and you can move mountains

Keep us posted and Good luck!

I'm also in the camp that thinks you should ask to meet with the principal about DD's teacher for next year. If DD is okay with trying to advocate for herself again, I'd have her there too.

I'd make the case that she needs a teacher who can:
1) help her improve on quick, short assignments
2) give her opportunities to shine with her long, detailed assignments and
3) will appreciate and mentor someone who wants to go in depth.

If DD can get a good teacher fit next year, the stuff from this year will probably be a bump in the road. If she has another teacher who just doesn't get it, it could create long term problems at a critical time in a gifted girl's development. It may not be obvious to you why you were chosen to be her parent but it sounds like you're fighting the good fight for her. Keep on!

Well, the only thing I can suggest is,after your expended all resources and you can not expect to get anymore, perhaps it's time to look at other schooling options?

This may be obvious (or not possible at your school), but assuming your D stays at her current school, you should go all out to steer her to the "best" teacher for her next year. Different schools do this differently, but after K our school goes primarily on the recommendation of the previous year's teacher for which teacher your child should be placed with the next year. Some years I have gone around in the spring to meet the next grade's teachers I didn't know to try to get a feeling who would be the best fit for my Ds. Then I try to bring up at spring conferences, asking the teacher what they think about next year's options. Assuming they don't say something that blows any theory I have developed, I then pitch my case for why D should be with one teacher or another... I always say that I know they can't promise and that a lot of things go into making up a class... I also make a point NOT to request any pairings with her friends; too many variables and they may choose to honor the "friend" pairing instead of the teacher request.

There is also a process to "formally" request a teacher by writing a letter to the principal, but we try to avoid that (after the principal rejected our written request for 2nd D, and placed her with a teacher that was a disaster for D...). Parents in the know at our school use this informal approach instead, usually with positive results.

The trick, of course, is to figure out which teacher will be a good fit. I also quiz parents of older kids about teacher's styles (but often get conflicting info :)). I can tell a lot about the teacher from how the classroom is decorated, what books are on the shelves, what the teacher says about the curriculum for the next year.

I do not intend to be disrespectful to anyone here.....but,


I have trouble getting my head around stroking the teachers ego, for want of a better phrase. I fully understand the concept of catching more flies with honey than vinegar but at the end of the day if the teacher isn't doing what is best for your child why shouldn't you point that out to her. If she is unwilling to listen or be honest with you by all means take your concerns further.

I also understand that this is easier said than done. From my own personal experience, when advocating for my children, being concise and assertive was what worked, that way no one was left guessing. The school knew they stood as did I.

I am not teacher bashing here as I would expect nothing less of myself. Although I am not a teacher I do work in health, and advocacy, listening and honesty is a big part of my day.

Again, I apologise if this sounds harsh. Reading about your daughter made me feel so sad that I think the maternal monster took over.

You've got quite a combination of challenges between your two kids at the same school.

As to your daughter's desired depth on assignments, I'd love to swap an ounce or two of my son's "quick & short" for your daughter's intensity. We, too are seeking a balance, but from the other side of things.

Your follow-up email is key to setting expectations -- especially time lines -- and is a valuable tool when things don't go in the direction or at the pace you expected. And by being the first to write such a follow-up, you are in a better position to define terms and clarify any issues -- don't lose track of that email!

You may want to take the leap and request a meeting with the principal. I know the issues relating to your son are a concern, but I'll bet that the principal will keep the two reasonably separated for these purposes. If you don't bring up DS, I expect (hope?) the principal won't either. If she does, it's an easy redirect to the child at hand.

MON - Any action you decide to take for yourself or your daughter is not wimpy. You have to base your decisions on your own unique set of circumstances and that is exactly what are you doing. I wish you the very best of luck, you both truly deserve it.

MON - I owe you an apology.

I expressed myself so poorly in my original post that it comes across that I am critical of how you handled yourself in the meeting. That was not my intention, I am in no position to criticise anyone on this board. I mean't to convey my feelings against the way parents are made to feel when they approach some teachers and schools when they are trying to advocate for their children. Particularly when parents are uncomfortable in the first place.

Please accept my apology.

Sometimes 'good' is the opposite of 'great.' I hope that the teacher's refusal to provide 'good' opens some doors for your DD to find a great fit.

hugs,
Grinity

It breaks my heart every time a parent of a gifted child uses the phrase "make it through".

More to the point, if your DD isn't getting what she needs, does it really matter whether or not she realizes it? Her need is the same either way.

I was hoping to find that you had a great meeting. I recall a similar meeting I had w/ DS's teacher....a list of all the great things to come, more challenge etc...never panned out. I hope it goes differently for your DD.

I totally understand what Matmum was saying and understand Master of None's post as well. It was something I had a lot of trouble with. Teachers so easily get defensive so easily and then the walls come up. It was just so stressful.

We made it through 3 years before giving up and HSing.

Dazey

Hi MON.

I didn't get to read all of the posts thoroughly but I did read yours and all that happened with the meeting and your feelings. Your daughter and my DS9 could be one in the same. I as well are going to meet with my son's math and science teacher on Thursday morning. We are having the same issues as he is asking for more and doesn't understand the resistance. As well, his teacher tells us that he makes mistakes, doesn't try, spaces out, etc, etc. She actually convinced me it was him. That was until I spoke with him again about it and he reminded me why all of this was happening - as all of us parents with gifted children know. And once again, another teacher does not believe that there are children who are different on the upper end. As for our principal, we also have no help - nor do they want any from the parents. So when I was speaking to his G&T teacher about something else the other day we started discussing these issues and she suggested that she come and meet with us and his teacher on Thursday morning. She thought that she could bring some insight to his teacher about gifted children - characteristics, learning methods, what happens when they're bored (spacing out - I'm thinking he has ADD and she is reassuring me that that is something gifted children do), etc. And also to show that he is worthy and deserving of the harder work that HE is asking for. Maybe this is an avenue that you can look in to. I feel for you as I am in the exact same position. I will let you know how my meeting goes and if you have any other ideas I would love to hear them. No matter how badly we want to give up (and trust me I have wanted to and have at times) we just need to renew our energy and refocus. Don't let anyone make you change your feelings for what you know is true and for what is best for your child - I've been there too many times. Hearing your pain and frustration.

Jules