Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy x

Well, the only thing I can suggest is,after your expended all resources and you can not expect to get anymore, perhaps it's time to look at other schooling options?

This may be obvious (or not possible at your school), but assuming your D stays at her current school, you should go all out to steer her to the "best" teacher for her next year. Different schools do this differently, but after K our school goes primarily on the recommendation of the previous year's teacher for which teacher your child should be placed with the next year. Some years I have gone around in the spring to meet the next grade's teachers I didn't know to try to get a feeling who would be the best fit for my Ds. Then I try to bring up at spring conferences, asking the teacher what they think about next year's options. Assuming they don't say something that blows any theory I have developed, I then pitch my case for why D should be with one teacher or another... I always say that I know they can't promise and that a lot of things go into making up a class... I also make a point NOT to request any pairings with her friends; too many variables and they may choose to honor the "friend" pairing instead of the teacher request.

There is also a process to "formally" request a teacher by writing a letter to the principal, but we try to avoid that (after the principal rejected our written request for 2nd D, and placed her with a teacher that was a disaster for D...). Parents in the know at our school use this informal approach instead, usually with positive results.

The trick, of course, is to figure out which teacher will be a good fit. I also quiz parents of older kids about teacher's styles (but often get conflicting info :)). I can tell a lot about the teacher from how the classroom is decorated, what books are on the shelves, what the teacher says about the curriculum for the next year.

I do not intend to be disrespectful to anyone here.....but,


I have trouble getting my head around stroking the teachers ego, for want of a better phrase. I fully understand the concept of catching more flies with honey than vinegar but at the end of the day if the teacher isn't doing what is best for your child why shouldn't you point that out to her. If she is unwilling to listen or be honest with you by all means take your concerns further.

I also understand that this is easier said than done. From my own personal experience, when advocating for my children, being concise and assertive was what worked, that way no one was left guessing. The school knew they stood as did I.

I am not teacher bashing here as I would expect nothing less of myself. Although I am not a teacher I do work in health, and advocacy, listening and honesty is a big part of my day.

Again, I apologise if this sounds harsh. Reading about your daughter made me feel so sad that I think the maternal monster took over.

You've got quite a combination of challenges between your two kids at the same school.

As to your daughter's desired depth on assignments, I'd love to swap an ounce or two of my son's "quick & short" for your daughter's intensity. We, too are seeking a balance, but from the other side of things.

Your follow-up email is key to setting expectations -- especially time lines -- and is a valuable tool when things don't go in the direction or at the pace you expected. And by being the first to write such a follow-up, you are in a better position to define terms and clarify any issues -- don't lose track of that email!

You may want to take the leap and request a meeting with the principal. I know the issues relating to your son are a concern, but I'll bet that the principal will keep the two reasonably separated for these purposes. If you don't bring up DS, I expect (hope?) the principal won't either. If she does, it's an easy redirect to the child at hand.

MON - Any action you decide to take for yourself or your daughter is not wimpy. You have to base your decisions on your own unique set of circumstances and that is exactly what are you doing. I wish you the very best of luck, you both truly deserve it.

MON - I owe you an apology.

I expressed myself so poorly in my original post that it comes across that I am critical of how you handled yourself in the meeting. That was not my intention, I am in no position to criticise anyone on this board. I mean't to convey my feelings against the way parents are made to feel when they approach some teachers and schools when they are trying to advocate for their children. Particularly when parents are uncomfortable in the first place.

Please accept my apology.

Sometimes 'good' is the opposite of 'great.' I hope that the teacher's refusal to provide 'good' opens some doors for your DD to find a great fit.

hugs,
Grinity

It breaks my heart every time a parent of a gifted child uses the phrase "make it through".

More to the point, if your DD isn't getting what she needs, does it really matter whether or not she realizes it? Her need is the same either way.

I was hoping to find that you had a great meeting. I recall a similar meeting I had w/ DS's teacher....a list of all the great things to come, more challenge etc...never panned out. I hope it goes differently for your DD.

I totally understand what Matmum was saying and understand Master of None's post as well. It was something I had a lot of trouble with. Teachers so easily get defensive so easily and then the walls come up. It was just so stressful.

We made it through 3 years before giving up and HSing.

Dazey

Hi MON.

I didn't get to read all of the posts thoroughly but I did read yours and all that happened with the meeting and your feelings. Your daughter and my DS9 could be one in the same. I as well are going to meet with my son's math and science teacher on Thursday morning. We are having the same issues as he is asking for more and doesn't understand the resistance. As well, his teacher tells us that he makes mistakes, doesn't try, spaces out, etc, etc. She actually convinced me it was him. That was until I spoke with him again about it and he reminded me why all of this was happening - as all of us parents with gifted children know. And once again, another teacher does not believe that there are children who are different on the upper end. As for our principal, we also have no help - nor do they want any from the parents. So when I was speaking to his G&T teacher about something else the other day we started discussing these issues and she suggested that she come and meet with us and his teacher on Thursday morning. She thought that she could bring some insight to his teacher about gifted children - characteristics, learning methods, what happens when they're bored (spacing out - I'm thinking he has ADD and she is reassuring me that that is something gifted children do), etc. And also to show that he is worthy and deserving of the harder work that HE is asking for. Maybe this is an avenue that you can look in to. I feel for you as I am in the exact same position. I will let you know how my meeting goes and if you have any other ideas I would love to hear them. No matter how badly we want to give up (and trust me I have wanted to and have at times) we just need to renew our energy and refocus. Don't let anyone make you change your feelings for what you know is true and for what is best for your child - I've been there too many times. Hearing your pain and frustration.

Jules