Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy c

Also, I can understand a 9 year old think she is playing with boys, because they are just so "dumb" and easy. But I have known the most gifted women that become so stupid because they fell for a guy. Intelligence rarely trumps over horomonal obsession.

Since I can name 4 national stories, just off the top of my head: The dentist that ran over her husband, the doctor in NYC that hired someone to kill her ex, the professor that killed her boss because of a bad review, the astronaut that tried to kill her colleague over a guy. These should all be women in the gifted category, based on their education and what happened to their brains, in their moment of obsession, entitlement and anger? I do not underestimate the effect of a guy that holds the attraction of an intelligence woman. She can become very stupid. Age helps a little. Don't need my 12 year old mixing it up with 14 year olds. Not going to happen. I already see her at 5 chasing the cutest boy in class, because "he is so cute".

Ren

Earth to Ren -
If you daughter follows a typical educational course, she'll be in 6th or 7th grade at age 12, (and looking like a Magazine cover)at a Middle school that has plenty of 14 year old 8th grade boys. I hope she doesn't 'mix it up with them' but they will be around and availible. And the 12 year old boys will most likely look 'very immature' to her.

The whole picture is pretty terrifying. My hope is that if our young women grow up with good social ties to their parents and each other and maybe even to 'boys who are friends' that they will be much less likely to make those kind of headlines when times get hard. Yes, we are naturally intense people, but 'maybe' if we are supported AND challenged early and often, and surrounded by reasonable friendship candidates, we can learn to handle our intensity productively?

((Hugs and More Hugs))
Grinity

Really? Terrifying? I just don't get the connection between giftedness and murdering another person. Women of all intelligence levels can do stupid and/or crazy things.

And personally, I'm a bit offended at what seems like an implication that intelligent women are likely to lose their minds at the first sight of a handsome man. People who are strong, confident, and healthy are not going to lose themselves in something as trivial and common as physical attraction.

I hear you Grinity, but having gone the party route, as the young one in the group, I feel overly cautious.

And if we stay in NYC or go to Toronto, the options are more advanced classes within the age group.

But I also feel lucky in that there shouldn't be anything she can pull on me, having "been there".;)

Anyway, I put out my opinion and my oversight rules as DD grows. I wish everyone the best of luck on this one. I think girls are just more vulnerable. The chance of some 18 year old wanting to date a 14 year old boy is not as likely as a 18 year old boy wanting to date a 14 year old girl.

Ren

I dated a guy 3 years older when I was 14. He was a really good guy and we had a healthy, positive, 3-year relationship. He was not exploiting me.

This was on the heels of a short, awful relationship with a creep my own age who was just trying to get as far as he could with me so he could brag about it to his buddies. He didn't have much to tell.

Age has less to do with boy-girl relationships--especially for an HG+ kid--than character does. The only reasons I can think of that make age an issue are 1) older boys tend to be more self-assured and more able to manipulate younger girls if they choose to, and 2) older boys tend to be more experienced (and/or "ready") sexually, and they may be less patient with younger girls, pressuring them.

But a good guy won't do either of those things, regardless of his age. A creep will, regardless of his age. I'd look less at age and more at character.

Bravo, and well said! I skipped two grades and was thankful that my creep detector kept me out of trouble. After 10+ years of dating each other, I married my high school sweetheart who was a grade behind me in school but 18 months older.

I am glad some of you had such great experiences and control. I guess I worry that DD will be more like me than her father...

I mentioned the topic to DH, who was this totally nerdy kid in HS and his thought (not the craziness of the gifted woman) but in this day and age, that a girl playing a guy, because it was he was so dumb and it was easy, was setting herself up. Because the guy could be unstable and take it out on her, physical abuse or rape.

I just think it is a different world out there. When I heard this Psychologist talk, about how the Internet has replaced relationships and friendships with virtual buddies, where you share everything with someone you don't know, these kids are operating on a different social plane.

I just admit, I am worried, obessing and when DD turns 13, it will be two words -- convent, Spain.

Ren

Meh. I think that in a stable household with a stable child who has good character, the Internet is just another tool to connect with people. With every new technology, someone raises hue and cry about how it is the downfall of the young. The telephone, the television, and now computers (just to name a few), and society is still standing. I plan to warn my kids of the dangers of "sexting" and that sort of thing, and to let them know that once it is on the Internet, it's there forever. That's the one change that really matters. A dumb mistake can haunt a person forever because the Net has a long memory. But I don't think that much else has changed.

Personally, I'd teach a DD that "playing a guy" is a lousy thing to do, that it might have undesireable consequences, and that she should be a nicer person than that. But plenty of women get abused or raped who didn't "set themselves up for it." And that has gone on since there were men and women. It's nothing new.

I am not sorry to have two boys though. Just trying to dress girls so they don't look like miniature hookers seems like a Herculean task!

Look at us, talking to people we don't know on the internet about the dangers of our kids talking to people they don't know on the internet. I agree with Kriston; I'm not worried about it. Kids who are going to get into trouble will do it, internet or not. Convent in Spain or not.

When I was a Sophomore in high school there was a creepy guy who called me and many of my female classmates and tried to get us to engage in phone sex with him. (Yes, really!!!) The only real difference I see with the next generation is that we will be talking to our kids about what to do if someone tries this with them. I think that's wonderful.

I also think that it is totally unfair to ascribe blame to women for the abuse perpetrated on them by men.

Yes. Thank you! You said this much better than I did, and it's a very important point.