Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Siblings - do we test?

I just got acceptance from the DI for my daughter. I am not sure how to handle my son. He is also very high. However, we have not had him tested to see if he also qualifies. Two reasons: we have to pay for testing out of pocket and it is expensive; if he isn't high enough we will have to explain. There is no question he is high. He skipped a grade in math no problem. But I'm worried about comparisons. Any advice?

Hi Ange,

Welcome! And congratulations on getting into DI!

I share your pain of having to pay testing out of pocket. We separated the testing dates to "spread" the cost over time. We decided to test both of them partly to be "fair" (what is fair anyways, right?), but mainly because we hope to use these scores to advocate for their educational needs. (And honestly, I really wish we had test DD6 earlier.)

Sounds like your children are both very bright. Any chance that you might be able to use the testing info for other purposes? (such as applying to DYS and/or for school placement, etc.)

How old are your children? For us, DD6 and DS4 both think of the testing as playing games and puzzles with Mommy and Daddy's "friend." They took the tests, went to McDonald's for lunch, then off to school. They never asked, not even once, of the result. So, depending on your children, you may not need to do much explanation at this time.

And, as far as comparison, what are your concerns?

Also, you might be interest in this recent discussion on families with both DYS and non-DYS children and how they handle the situation:

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....arch/true/nonDYS_siblings.html#Post66163

This is a great forum with people who are full of knowledge. And the best part... they are willing to listen, share, and help!

Mag

Cost can be an issue. As for the latter issue, we've had this issue with DC18 (higher) and DC15 (lower). However, their interests and talents are in completely separate areas, so we've tended to focus on their passions and achievements in separate disciplines (humanities for DC18 and math for DC15).

As a PG youngest myself, it would have saved my family a lot of trouble to have me tested earlier, rather than after horrible experiences at school and me starting to get into a lot of trouble. Our oldest was HG (two others GT), and it became a point of tension, as two of our middle siblings were not. I think more of it was an issue when report cards came home or someone skipped a grade; most of the time, none of us cared, though.

Mag, thank you for the link - I will read it. The issue is, we really don't know with the sibling. He's clearly very bright, but I'm not sure if he reaches the level of my daughter, and I'm not sure how to handle it.

On the other hand, I don't want fear to drive a bad decision. He seems to be doing fine with skipping a grade...

I suppose my own background drives me a bit...I was designated gifted after getting IQ tests 40 years ago. My sister was never tested and always felt like "she wasn't as smart". Recently mom mother told her the reason why she wasn't tested, is because the program of identification wasn't in place when she was in school. It really threw her for a loop after all these years. Who knows ...

How old is he, how old is the sister?

One idea is to wait and test a bit later. While there are many cases in which one sibling is at that level and other(s) are not; it is also a reality that many times younger sibligns are less often identified as gifted.

We origally had thought of applying for ODD and then waiting a couple of years for YDD. Most of the benefits of a program like DYS will be for you as a parent. If you think, once you have access to all the programs (like online seminars) that your Ds would also enjoy them, then you might think of budgeting for the tests.

Now, we are considering applying earlier so that YDD can also atttend the annual gathering.

I think in the long run, you have to consider a variety of items. Jealousy is an issue for some kids and not for others. For many, there is the immediate need that one child has but not another one, in terms of schooling for example.

I think you will compare anyway regardless of the testing. It's hard not to.

We decided to test. If anything it helped us to compare them less. There were some expected results (DS5 doing better in reading, DS7 better in spelling), there was also a surprising part which showed that DS5 math abilities are very comparable to DS7 math abilities.

If you can afford the testing then I say go for it or you will always wonder.

I agree. If you can afford it, test. We were faced with a similar dilemma. A friend who also has three gifted kids told me to go ahead and test for the following reason: If you don't test, then that kid will always think that you don't believe he/she is as gifted as his/her sibling. Also, I've had several friends who assumed that their second was not as gifted as their first (maybe due to birth order differences?). After testing, the second was the same if not higher than the first.

Isn't that sad? If you test, you may find that DS isn't as gifted as his sister, but if you don't test you may 'repeat the past.'

Each kid acts so uniquely, it really is hard to judge as a parent.

But the main reason is to get some insights into how to best serve your son's educational needs. And to get yourself ready to answer that someday question about 'why is sister in DYS, and me not.'

I've actually seen 'Davidson Sibs' who think that they aren't gifted because they aren't in Davidson. That is totally sad. And since I believe that these unusual learning needs are at least partially genetic, even if your DS isn't PG, he may well have children of his own someday who are.

In my family growing up, my younger brother was the early reader, and the 'identified' one in the family. I was just identified as 'weird.' His kids are gifted, but I'm the one with a kid in YSP. My thought is that if you test DS and he is not the same LOG as your DD, he might still be stronger in one or 2 areas, which you can use to your advantage in answering the inevitable question. There really isn't anyway to compare one sibling to another, but it's probably unavoidable.

A good one to keep up your sleeve for when the kids ask, is to turn it on them, 'Well, who do you think is my gifted, me or your Dad.' A little reflection will show them that both of you are smart but with different strengths. It's also interesting to look and see if there is an issue of competitiveness in that couple relationship. If the 2 of you are modeling cooperation, then my hunch is that your kids will follow in your footsteps.

Best Wishes,
Grinity