We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum. CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.
What is the age difference between DD and DS? Is there any chance that DD can join DS while he is practicing? This will avoid DD waiting for an hour and will allow her to get more exercise. Just a thought.
Our rule for our kids was that they stick out the sports season or series of sessions (dance/piano). We wouldn't let them leave a team in the middle of a season (except once when we pulled D1 from a team because of poor academic performance). And we insisted that they do something musical at least into the early high school years (but piano, an instrument, choir were all okay, whatever they wanted to do).
But after the season or session was over, it was pretty much their call. Once they get to high school there are SO MANY different things pulling at their time (and new opportunities like speech, debate, quiz bowl, etc.), our bigger problem was convincing them to drop some things so their lives and ours were sane. We were much more savvy about this with D2, so we were able to avoid overcommitting her in middle school. So the increase in energy required for high school sports and activities is managable for her.
I never consider the expense for travel/offseason teams an investment that I have to get a return on in the future. The one exception is if a sport required very expensive equipment. The one time one our kids did that, we discussed that they really had to stick with the sport for at least 2 seasons if we were going to put up that kind of money for equipment. Same with musical instrument purchases.
Once she really finds her passion, she likely won't "quit while she's ahead". I say let her dabble if she wants to.
Hi Master of None, If you are interested in how to best develop your DD's swimming talent this book by Dr. Alan Arata "Parent's Guide to Swimming" may be of interest to you - it has helped me a lot.
Age 8 is still very young for swimming and there are many years ahead (as Dr. Arata will also point out) - so truly developing their love for swimming for the long-term is the key at this age.
If the family issue is more on how to develop one of the many talents that your DD has so she learns life lessons in the process (that is what it is about, after all), then from your description of your DD at this time, swimming may or may not necessarily be the right activity to teach such lessons. Hard to say from just reading, but, surely, at 8, it does not hurt to take a break and come back few months later and that does not brand them as a quitter, since at the earlier ages, it's good to explore their different potential passions anyways, and there is the limitations of their young, small bodies, energy, time etc etc.
You will be amazed that even a year or two later, your DD will likely show more initiation and focus. So many factors can impact how an 8-yr old thinks and view activities. By 10 or 11, kids start to better develop their sense of self and what they want to do. (I caveat by saying, in the end, it depends on the child and their development).
I think it is good that you want to teach her the lessons of perseverance, consistent hard work etc. Best of luck! I"m sure you will get it right.
BTW: I do agree having child good at everything can be a challenge - the challenge becomes, what do you start to limit or de-prioritize, especially when everything that they do becomes higher level and more demanding, yet what do they give up? We face that right now, with my DD9 - I feel that there is not enough time in the day or week (in her case, it is year-around swimming, competitive tennis, violin performances and academics.) Hard to figure out as a parent, what is the right approach to support and/or manage all these, especially if you have other children and their separate interests.
Have you considered dance? If your dd has expressed any interest in ballet, it is an interesting combination of extreme physical training & reaching for high artistry (serious intellectual challenge, frankly, in both learning how to do steps as well as why to do them...) Furthermore, hardly anybody ever tells you you've done well...(lol!)
The kids I see at the studio are those kids who can't sit still (need to move) unless they're engrossed in a book/conversation most folks would consider way above their age level....
One word of caution about dance, I think it may be the most consuming of all the activities a child can take up. I know several dancers who gave up every other outside activity in middle school due to dance. Lots of sports are demanding, but (at least in our community) dance seemed crazy demanding at a fairly young age. I'm sure there are positive aspects to it, but if your D also thrives on a variety of activities in her life, it might not be the best fit.
It's wonderful that you talked to the assistant coach. Communication can be so important. Kids this age, however smart they are, are still kids, and they often can't accurately perceive and describe their feelings. Your daughter is such an achiever. My DS9 is the same. Even though other people look at him and marvel how much this little kid can do, he chooses to focus on what he is not so good at and feels frustrated. My friends have been telling me that it's really important that I help him relax and put things in perspective. We are working on it.
That is funny. There is so much going on inside these kids heads that they don't tell us... Yesterday I sat D14 down to talk about some test score results and some recent info I learned indicating she may have a Nonverbal Learning Disability. She heard me out, then laughed. She said, "Yes, I researched my scores, and I knew that is what it meant. Here is what I learned about it..." Turns out that she figured this out MONTHS before I did, but didn't tell me. *eyeroll* Sometimes we just need to ask them more questions, I guess.
Intparent and master of none, I totally agree about the dancing! VERY time consuming and the more they get into it, the more $$! Don't know what I was thinking when I signed ds4 up for tap those many years ago... But he really isn't drawn to anything else in the same way, so we stick with it.
Glad to hear you got to the bottom of the issue with swimming, however ~
Austin, this is really funny, reminds me of the German biathlete, female, very beautiful, SUPER fast skier, but kind of 'meh' when it comes to stopping and shooting. Apparently when you miss a shot you have to ski more laps ~ she ends up skiing way longer distances than the other skiers but STILL ends up winning medals. (German Ski team really wants her to join them, lol!)
