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    #6807 01/06/08 10:16 PM
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    I don't even know where to begin, but I'm looking for a little help/advice/understanding?

    I have a beautiful DD7, tall, blonde big lovely eyes. She looks like the typical suburban american child.
    She is so sweet, so kind to others.
    I remember her tester emphasizing to us that we should keep things as normal as possible when he talked to us about her test results.
    We've certainaly always attempted to do this even before we knew her "score".
    It's pretty late and she should be asleep, but when I walked by her room, she was still awake.
    She should have been asleep long ago, dreaming about her upcoming Webkinz birthday party, a trip to American Girl and the DDR for Wii she wants for a gift.
    However, what's keeping her up this night is worries about clones?!?!?!
    I don't know whether to laugh of cry!
    I'm not even sure where she picked up info on this subject. She clearly has picked up enough to have a basic understanding of what it is and is worried about the implications.
    Is this an alternative universe I live in? I have such a visceral feeling to all of this.......not even sure how to describe...
    Honestly, I'm seeking a bit of support and comraderie right now...Thanks.
    Incog

    incogneato #6808 01/06/08 10:22 PM
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    Oh, incog! How distressing! How did you handle it?


    Kriston
    Kriston #6809 01/06/08 10:26 PM
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    BTW, I really think "normal" is a rather ridiculous suggestion to make to the mom of one of these kids. I'm sorry, but you've done YOUR part in keeping things "normal." I think that tester should be thwacked soundly about the head and shoulders with a wet noodle!

    This isn't something you caused, and short of reassuring her and helping her to understand cloning as much as she needs to to get past it, you can't do anything about it.

    This *IS* normal for her! It's hard on you, I know, but it's okay.


    Kriston
    Kriston #6810 01/06/08 10:36 PM
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    Hi Incognito,

    My DD7 is currently obsessed with DNA, sperm, eggs and how they all intermingle in making babies.

    I will take cloning any day!!!

    Kriston #6811 01/06/08 10:37 PM
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    Hi Kriston,

    BTW, so comforting to see a friendly face online at this time of night.
    I don't think the tester was being judgemental, just realistic. Tonight's incident really kind of drives this home for me.
    How did I handle it? I explained a little more about the cloning process, ie Humans haven't been cloned yet and there is no evidence to support that this is something that is even possible currently. Then I sang her a lullaby while holding her hand and she fell asleep with a smile on her cute little face.
    She was actually worried about human cloning and how to tell the difference between a real person and a cloned one.
    Now, I know this seems kind of funny, but she is 7. The mom side of me says: "why on earth does this child need to worry about this?"
    Um, then I cried, then I came online because I knew someone out there would get it.
    Thank goodness for cyberconnections!

    Thanks Kriston,
    Incog

    incogneato #6812 01/06/08 10:38 PM
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    Hi Bianca,

    We've been there too!!!!!! I like when they are interested in learning, I don't do so well when their intellect is too far ahead of their developemental ability to put these things in perspective.
    Cloning is kind of creepy anyway!!!!!!!!!

    Incog

    incogneato #6813 01/06/08 10:50 PM
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    Glad to help. Been there, done that. Well, not with cloning, but with other stuff.

    It sounds like you did a great job of handling her fears and making her feel better. I hope you patted yourself on the back after you cried and got online. You deserve a great big "good mom" hug! (((hug)))

    I'm sure you're right about the tester, but I still think "normal" is topsy-turvy when it comes to these kids. I guess it just seems unfair that someone would even *suggest* that you strive for "normal," when these kids just aren't like that. Give them a good, fun childhood? Yes, absolutely. Try to encourage them to socialize in healthy fashions with peers that are appropriate to their needs? Yup, I'm on board. Give them a loving, stable family and whenever possible try to avoid introducing them to topics that will frighten them? I'm still with you.

    But "normal"? Nope. That's just flat impossible. Something not-normal is going to spring forth from their overactive imaginations, no matter how hard you work to keep them ensconced in their happy childhood. It just does. It's how they're hard-wired, and there's very little you can do about it, beyond what you did.

    Your DD is normal, and she's having a very normal life for an HG+ kid. You're doing a good job. Honest!

    (And BTW, I'd almost guarantee that this evening was more traumatic long-term for you than it was for her. She'll be okay!)

    So, incog, sleep tight! Don't let the bed-clones nibble! wink


    Kriston
    Kriston #6818 01/06/08 11:42 PM
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    We've had tons of these conversations. The best things I've done a) tell him all the crazy things I used to obsess about and keep my mother awake over when I was young. b) tell him all the crazy things I still worry about. He laughs about a and b. And c) I tell him that he's just really smart and with a brain like his (and mine) worrying about stuff is part of the package and he, like me, will learn strategies to make peace with his brain.

    That, I guessm, is keeping it normal. Our normal.

    acs #6819 01/07/08 01:18 AM
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    Hi incogneato,

    Sorry I thought this was funny. I guess I didn't realize your daughter was actually concerned about cloning.

    My dd dreams of becoming a scientist and cloning herself so she can have an identical twin (my sister has twin girls and she thinks is the coolest thing in the world!!). We have had some lively (and funny) conversations about this, although in reality and more seriously I wouldn't like to see humans cloned (It is more of a gray area for me when it comes to stem cell research to cure diseases; but genetic engineering/cloning to product the perfect baby, that is creeeepy...)

    Sometimes our children sound so adult that it is very hard to remember they are only kids. It is very hard to juggle their need to be taken seriously while trying to keep their innocence by trying to make light of such serious and deep subjects.

    A few weeks ago, I was shopping when my cell phone rang. It was my dd insisting I tell her the truth about the tooth fairy. It seems that she was looking for something in one of my drawers and found a stash of her baby teeth. She told me I had "one last chance" to tell her the truth about me being the tooth fairy. My daughter is old enough to stop believing in the tooth fairy, but she takes such delight in the long letters she receives from the tooth fairy every time she looses a tooth (telling her how all her favority fairy friends are doing -- she has three fairies that have been her friends since she was two ---, about the grand ball they just had, their great adventures, etc) that I am really sad to see this end.

    Anyway, when I got this phone call, I reminded her of one of her favorite phrases from her favorite writer, Roald Dahl "THOSE WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC WILL NEVER FIND IT" She chose to keep believing, at least for a while longer....

    This year she "forgot" to send Santa a letter. I kept reminding her every other day but she never "found" the time. Well, Santa came anyway. He left her a letter explaining how he wasn't sure what she wanted as he had never received her letter. He left her a lovely hello kitty sewing machine (my daughter is the next Martha Stewart) with the hope that Mrs. Santa had been right in guessing what she would like. Turns out my daughter had been "secretly" wishing for a sewing machine and was testing Santa's existence. Either my daughter is a great actress or Santa passed the test.

    Anyway, my point in all this rambling is remind you to enjoy your daughter's uniqueness. Being "normal" is over rated. This Christmas we brought color baguels to my dd class prior to their winter concert (red, green, and regular baguels). One of the kids said he wanted a "normal" baguel. Another kid quickly added that the color baguels were not "abnormal", they were just different. Cheers to all of our red and green baguels. They bring spice to an otherwise plain assortment.

    bianc850a #6822 01/07/08 05:31 AM
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    No worries!!! I appreciate all the feedback. I know this is normal for her, just feeling the "weight" of it last night.
    It helps "normalize" it for me a little more hearing about other's experiences.
    Thanks!

    Incog

    incogneato #6825 01/07/08 06:32 AM
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    Incog-

    I'd try a Socrates act with dd to see what her real concern is about clones. Does she worry that YOU might be replaced by a clone? Maybe she doesn't understand that even a clone needs time to grow into an adult.

    I'm not in favor of human cloning, but remember when "test tube babies" were big news? However the child is conceived, it still must go through all the usual patterns of growth and discovery. Cloned babies would not be born knowing all that their donors do, and they will not be adults any sooner than any other baby.

    Do you think this would help?

    Lorel #6840 01/07/08 09:34 AM
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    Good advice. They do tend to take these ideas and run with them!!!
    I think she was more worried about me or anyone else being replaced by a clone, good observation.

    I think I put it in perspective, anyhow, she was bright and cheery this morning. It didn't seem to be an issue, once she got to sleep.

    I'm clearly the one who is dragging from staying up to late worrying about her worrying!

    Kriston was right, probably is more traumatic for me!


    Incog

    incogneato #6842 01/07/08 10:13 AM
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    She sounds similar to my son. I had to stop watching the news so much because of his worries. Even though he would be in a different room playing a game he could still hear it and there was no doubt that he had been thinking about the things he heard--things that kids shouldn't worry about--because he would talk about it later.

    He worried about things like cancer and then brain injury. He worried about terrorists. He worried that he wouldn't be able to tell if people were good and safe to be around because he thought nobody was either all good or all evil and someone could act like a nice person and really not be. He wondered out loud if there might be times when suicide is acceptable. He heard about people in my family getting divorced and remarried and worried about divorce at age nine and needed my advice on how to choose the right girl to marry just in case I wasn't around when he was old enough to marry. He worried that girls wouldn't like him because they might think he was nerdy. I read to him at night and every night there is something else that he needs to talk about. He is not a kid that will just read a book quietly and then go to sleep.

    He has always had trouble sleeping and the only way I could get him to sleep sometimes was to wrap him in a blanket and "hug" him to sleep because he couldn't turn off his mind and relax enough to fall asleep any other way. So I always had to allow a lot of time for talking and hugging. If I listened to him talk long enough he would sometimes come up with his own ways of dealing with the worries.

    Lori H. #6846 01/07/08 10:44 AM
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    I've always been very relieved an grateful that DS6 is so ridiculously logical. He rarely has any of the sort of irrational but very scary fears that HG+ kids usually have.

    His biggest fear hit him when he was 3. The preschool guinea pig and his great-grandfather died within a month of one another, and the 1-2 punch was really devistating and terrifying for him. I think that because fearing death is not illogical and can't be waved away easily, it was all the more difficult for me to deal with. People really do die. He will one day really die. It's a valid fear.

    I went with the standard, "everything that lives will die eventually, but you and Mommy and Daddy will all live a long, long time." It wasn't enough. He chewed on death for months, acting it out in his make-believe play, talking about it incessantly, and even having trouble going to sleep (which he never has trouble doing!). Hugs and reassurances, discussions of the science of death, talking about religious beliefs...nothing helped.

    Eventually it just played itself out. I think he did what we all do and he decided not to let the fear of death keep him from living. But I can vividly recall how worried I was for him, how powerless I felt to help him.

    Their fears become our worries, don't they?


    Kriston
    Kriston #6850 01/07/08 10:57 AM
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    We've been there with the death issue, much like you Kriston. Its such a tough topic to tackle, especially when you're talking to a 5 year old. (thats when L was obsessed with it).

    Incog, I think you handled it perfectly. I think the best thing for these kids, at least this is my opinion, is that when they ask about things like death or cloning or terrorists, that we answer them with honesty. Of course we can always be sensitive to their fears and concerns but for me just going ahead and talking with dd about issues helps her to work through it and ease her mind. I'm finding that sugar coating things insults my dd. She'd rather have the truth. Of course, not all kids are like this but this has been my experience.

    Mom2LA #6851 01/07/08 11:12 AM
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    So true!
    When DD was afraid of burglars coming in the house during the night, I pointed to the houses across the street which are three times larger than ours.
    I asked her if she was going to break into a house to steal stuff, which house would she choose.
    She smiled as she immediately followed my logic and is not afraid of burglars breaking in anymore. smile
    I roll with it pretty well most times. I really don't know what it was about last night that really tripped me up...........

    We've dealt with the existential anxiety thing with both girls too, and they both did seem to "grow" out of it.

    The clone thing jammed me up, though, not sure why. Probably has more to do with me than her.......:)

    Incog

    incogneato #6853 01/07/08 11:43 AM
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    Well, clones would trip anyone up! smile I think you were smart to get to the heart of what was bothering her.

    I think a lot of the fears these kids have are, at their foundation, exactly the same as any other kid might have: for example, what if Mommy isn't there anymore? That was really my DS6's fear of death and it was really your DD's fear of cloning. It's just their minds spin off so wildly and about such complex issues, it is much harder to know how to approach the fear.

    And they freak out so thoroughly when they get scared of something, it's really quite scary for us as parents.

    I think back to when DS6 had a bout of night terrors. The screams were just soul-rending to hear. But he was fine. It was just horrible on us! Same thing. They are so dramatic about their fears, but I really do think it's harder for us to watch than it is for them to go through it.

    I don't have any memories of experiencing this sort of terror. Does anyone else? If someone does, it might prove me wrong...


    Kriston
    Kriston #6854 01/07/08 11:55 AM
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    I definately remeber having night terrors. I can actually remember a few of the dreams and when recalling I definately recall the emotion attatched to the memory.

    Incog

    Kriston #6855 01/07/08 11:58 AM
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    My son was terrorized by his thoughts for a long time before I was able to pick that there was something wrong. He did not verbalize them easily.
    One of the early worries, since we are around Christmas, was abouth Santa not being able to land safely on our roof. This was a real, real problem for the little guy.
    See, our house has very uneven, multi level roof, and Ghost was calculating that with the speed the reindeers "must be going, to circle the world in two days" (he already knew about the time zones)there was na way they could all safely land on our roof. He was begging husband to build runway extensions in both directions. We were loughing secretely and later became a little unnoyed as he tried to collect wood for runway, but for him it was a huge, huge problem. A psychiatric case for someone who does not know better, right?
    Incogneato - he still worries but is not overwhelmed by his worries any more. I think that the toughest time Ghost had at school, when the teachers had no idea why he worries about so many things. I had to explain that this is the problem he is actually having on his burner (the biggest one by far was leukemia), and they were all most likely thinking - what a weird european family. My european mom was however complaining that it was the american culture that was making my son so fragile and vulnerable :-)

    Ania #6856 01/07/08 12:00 PM
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    Interesting, what exactly about the American culture?

    incogneato #6858 01/07/08 12:22 PM
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    Originally Posted by incogneato
    I definately remeber having night terrors. I can actually remember a few of the dreams and when recalling I definately recall the emotion attatched to the memory.

    Incog

    Point of clarification: night terrors and nightmares are two different things.

    In a night terror, the child screams bloody murder and seems inconsolable, but never wakes up and has absolutely no memory of the event. It's awful for the parents, but totally harmless and not at all scary to the child.

    Nightmares, on the other hand, often wake the child (or adult, for that matter...) and are thoroughly memorable and frightening. If you remember it, it almost certainly wasn't a night terror, but was instead a nightmare.

    However, I was really asking about memories of those paralyzing waking fears, like clones, burglars, and death. Any of those?


    Kriston
    Kriston #6860 01/07/08 12:55 PM
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    Gotcha, thanks for the clarification. In this event, I would have preferred to have night terrors, I think!

    No paralyzing waking fears that I can remember.

    Incog

    incogneato #6861 01/07/08 01:05 PM
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    Yes, I'd definitely rather have night terrors than nightmares, given a choice. smile Nightmares are so disturbing! I rarely have them, thankfully, but my DH suffers fairly regularly. His nightmares are so upsetting, even to me! Just nasty tricks for a mind to play on itself!

    On the other hand, I can tell you that having been a parent of a child with night terrors, they are SO SCARY for the adults watching them! Just remembering DS6's screams makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up even now! And I think it's that same helpless feeling you had last night. Very primal. <shudder>

    I'm glad you had no awful waking memories, at least, even if you've had to suffer through nightmares. Small favors, right? wink


    Kriston
    Kriston #6864 01/07/08 02:05 PM
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    Wow Kriston - we had the exact same death issue with DS7 when he was a preschooler. It was a period of time where he absolutely obsessed about it and it eventually just played itself out.

    And I am infinitely glad we've never had any night terrors in this house (knock on wood). DS lately has had occassional nighmere's about whatever book he was reading right before bed. But he still loves creepy books.

    #6870 01/07/08 03:03 PM
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    Interesting. How old were you, kcab, do you recall? And how long did the fear last for you? Years? Or was it a shorter term thing?


    Kriston
    #6885 01/07/08 08:57 PM
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    So what do you think?

    The UCLA Center for Society and Genetics cordially invites you to its Sixth Annual Symposium, �Babies by Design: Redefining Humans?�

    What if we could select our children to ensure that they will avoid devastating genetic diseases? What if we could select our children�s sex? What if we could select superior musical or athletic ability?

    Technologies for testing embryos allow parents to discover an
    ever-increasing amount of genetic information, inviting them to
    select only the best traits for their children.

    This symposium will explore the complex choices confronting us.
    Do we have the right or the obligation to choose the best children? Or does this redefine what it is to be human?

    �Babies by Design: Redefining Humans?�
    Sunday, Jan. 27
    9:30 a.m.�1 p.m.
    Grand Horizon Room, Covel Commons
    See northwest campus map:
    http://www.UCLAlumni.net/MapNorthwest?email=I1QN.

    Speakers to include:

    �Introduction to the Science � Designing Babies�
    Edward R.B. McCabe, co-director, Center for Society and Genetics

    �A Parent�s Perspective�
    Lisa Nash, mother of a daughter, Molly, with a devastating genetic
    disorder, proposed using genetic screening to have a second baby
    whose cord blood could be used to treat Molly�s disease. The Nashes
    succeeded in using this technique, thereby choosing traits in one
    child that could save the life of another.

    "Legal Aspects of Emerging Reproductive Technologies"
    Judith F. Daar, visiting professor, UCLA School of Law

    �Respecting Diversity�
    Paul Miller, director, University of Washington Disability Studies
    Program
    Henry M. Jackson, professor of law, former commissioner, U.S. Equal
    Employment Opportunity Commission

    Panel Discussion � �Redefining Humans?�
    The panel moderated by Edward R.B. McCabe will feature the event
    speakers and include questions from the audience.

    Admission is free. Campus parking will be $8 and is available nearby.

    Please RSVP indicating your name, class year and if you will be
    bringing a guest, by Friday, Jan. 25 to
    mailto:lsevents@support.ucla.edu.

    For information about this event, visit
    http://www.UCLAlumni.net/BabiesByDesign?email=I1QN.

    If you would like to learn about other activities at the Center for
    Society and Genetics, visit
    http://www.UCLAlumni.net/UCLAsocgen?email=I1QN.

    We look forward to seeing you on campus.

    Best regards,

    Edward R.B. McCabe, M.D., Ph.D.
    Co-Director
    UCLA Center for Society and Genetics

    M. Norton Wise, Ph.D.
    Co-Director
    UCLA Center for Society and Genetics

    bianc850a #6886 01/07/08 09:11 PM
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    Well, I probably won't take DD7 to it, but interesting!

    "Lisa Nash, mother of a daughter, Molly, with a devastating genetic
    disorder, proposed using genetic screening to have a second baby
    whose cord blood could be used to treat Molly�s disease. The Nashes
    succeeded in using this technique, thereby choosing traits in one
    child that could save the life of another."

    Controversial........I won't go there, but is it really considered cloning?


    incogneato #6887 01/07/08 09:13 PM
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    Wow, we ladies take a topic and really just beat the stuffing out of it don't we??

    It's actually one of the reasons I enjoy you all so much!

    I

    incogneato #6890 01/07/08 09:53 PM
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    Hi All! Love hearing Incogneato Front and Center!

    Wow, I missed a great conversation, with some great responses, I especially loved Lorel's insight that she could be worried about your "trueness"

    If this is true than I reccomend that you two come up with a "code joke" that you can give each other to test your identities - that's what they do in SciFi Novels I like to read anyway!

    The fact that she is playing happily doesn't rule out that she will come back to her 'favorite worry' sometime later. My son was preoccupied with death at age 3 also. Then in 1st grade he saw a presentation on Global Warming. He's 11 now, and still terrified at times, although cheerful and having fun lots of other times. It seems like these kids have enough working memory to be having a great time, and running a worry program "in the backround."

    He just admitted to me tonight, while I should have been posting and him sleeping (humor alert) that he's fearful that he's causing himself harm by biting his nails without washing his hands. He handled lead in Science once, and was very reasured that lead poisioning take repeated exposure. He was also told - by some well meaning adult = that he could get ring worm from biting his nails. LOL it didn't encourage him to stop biting his nails, or start washing his hands, just to do it and worry. We'll see if this becomes a favorite worry, or dropps off the list.

    In 6th grade I looked directly at the bulb on the projector and was terrified for the next 4 years that I would start to go blind. We had been warned not to do it. I don't know why I didn't talk it over with anyone. Our kids have wonderful memories, and strong emotions, and lots of access to half-understood information. I think it's a wonder they don't have more fears.

    Anyway, the popular book on clones is by Farmer, something Scorpion. I didn't enjoy it and put it down half way. You may like to read a much better trilogy, C.J. Cherryth's "Cyteen."

    This definitly isn't for DD, but I often 'retell' stories that I particularly enjoyed to my son in quite moments. Like the plot to 'the Matrix.' If I was around your DD I would say that one of my favorite stories was about a world where there were lots and lots of clones who were treated as 2nd class citizens, and that imagining other universes gives us a way to critisize our own society without people's walls going up immediatly.

    She may find it reassuring that in the adult world there are a large number of people who are taking her concerns, whatever they are at root, seriously and making wonderful art. Yes, you can confirm that there are key issues in the world that contain lots of different threads and help us see who we are, and that it isn't suprising that she finds that area scary and interesting. Not sure if it would be useful to her, but I would love to hear her take on a SciFi world that had human clones.

    Smiles,
    Grinity


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    Grinity #6891 01/07/08 10:20 PM
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    "She may find it reassuring that in the adult world there are a large number of people who are taking her concerns, whatever they are at root, seriously and making wonderful art. Yes, you can confirm that there are key issues in the world that contain lots of different threads and help us see who we are, and that it isn't suprising that she finds that area scary and interesting. Not sure if it would be useful to her, but I would love to hear her take on a SciFi world that had human clones."

    Excellent point, I think I will do that. I especially like you Matrix reference, Trinity, I mean....Grinity! smile
    I'm getting that she can benefit from knowing there are others(adults included) that think like her.
    Who wouldn't find that reassuring?

    this helps

    I


    incogneato #6893 01/08/08 12:49 AM
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    Last night before falling sleep, my DS3 asked me out of the blue, "what is abortion?" How do I explain something like that to a 3 year old???!!! I stammered along and managed to give him a ridiculously simplified answer which he seemed to accept (sigh of relief!). But then he asked in a very concerned voice, "you're not going to have an abortion, are you?" I'm pregnant right now. I reassured him that I will not have an abortion and he happily chattered along about the baby brother/sister he is expecting.

    Another difficult question he had asked me in the past was about the conflict in the Middle East. He wanted to know if it's possible ("if they got angry enough") for someone to blow up the Sears Tower or the John Hancock Center. We live in Chicago and he LOVES these two buildings. He was really worried. I absolutely hate to see such a little guy worry about something like that, but I couldn't lie to him and say it's impossible. I reassured him as best as I could that, American people are very very careful about protecting big buildings like that, especially after 9/11. I hope I'm right for everyone's sake!

    I sometimes end up crying silently after such conversations because I realize just what a messed up world we live in and how beautifully fragile my child seems in it.

    On a more selfish note, I must admit I worry a bit that he might talk like that with people who don't know that he is "different" who will surely think I'm a crazy mother for teaching her child about such grave matters! I've gotten surprised looks and raised eyebrows from people when they find out DS can read or answer a math question posed to his 7 year old cousin ("Let your child be a child. Why would you push your child to learn things like that when he will naturally learn them when he enters school?"). They don't know I have to constantly redefine what's "natural" and "normal" for a child. It's so nice to talk about these things here without fear of judgment. smile

    Junior

    junior #6895 01/08/08 04:42 AM
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    Oh Junior!
    It's amazing what they pick up! I'm glad you struggled through to tell him something simple but true. It gives me an insight into the nature of their difference, they are collecting information like puzzle pieces - probably from before they are born, is my guess, and latching on to those pieces with a laser grasp, and engraving them onto long term memory and then they can retrieve them more readily than nescessary, understood or not. Unfortunatly this process is self directed and not reliably easily put to use in school situations, particularly in those 2nd grade writing assignments!((Not sure if this is just my son and a few other, or pretty universal amoung this slice of the population.))

    My son also came up with similar questions. He just walked in, and I reminded him, and he laughed and laughed. At 11 he can see how unusual it is for a kid to be acting this way. Then he told me not to post the specific. ((pout)) But I do have a brother (diagnosed 2E even way back then) who can remember almost everything that's ever happend to him, including birth. During a toast, another brother said, "When we were growing up, we didn't have the Internet to turn to for fact look, so we called DB!"

    DB was also known as being the "funniest" in his grade all through school. Is there a link between information retrieveal, FOK, and humor? I would guess there is. I'm listening to an Audio Presentation of "Born Standing Up" Steve Martin's autobiography of his 20's. It's clear to me both that he was very very bright, and that he had to work very very hard. Too bad it's "Rated R" or it would be a great way to hammer home the "success follow work" idea.

    Love and More Love,
    Grinity


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    Grinity #6899 01/08/08 09:16 AM
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    Originally Posted by Grinity
    Oh Junior!
    It's amazing what they pick up! I'm glad you struggled through to tell him something simple but true. It gives me an insight into the nature of their difference, they are collecting information like puzzle pieces - probably from before they are born, is my guess, and latching on to those pieces with a laser grasp, and engraving them onto long term memory and then they can retrieve them more readily than nescessary, understood or not.


    So true! And often that knowledge is disseminated, whether adults are ready for it or not...

    I can recall being THE source for birds-and-bees info on the playground when I was 5 or 6. There was all sorts of misinformation out there, and the kids would ask me what was true. I remember vividly a little "lecture" I gave with half of my 1st grade class huddled around me on the playground in our winter coats. LOL!

    I took the "job" very seriously, even doing some research to make sure I answered all questions absolutely correctly and thoroughly. Can you imagine?

    I've often wondered if there were scores of parents unhappy with me or relieved that their kids knew the truth without their having to tell them! laugh


    Kriston
    Kriston #6907 01/08/08 10:53 AM
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    "I've often wondered if there were scores of parents unhappy with me or relieved that their kids knew the truth without their having to tell them!"

    -I was wondering the same thing, the parents must haved loved you ROFL!!!!!

    You should ask your parents if they got any phone calls on that one!

    I

    Kriston #6909 01/08/08 11:01 AM
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    Kriston - too funny!!! I was in a similar place as you. My mother always answered my questions completely honestly so I knew all about the birds-and-bees by the time I was around 3. When I got to school, I was the go to kid for answers to questions and I'd answer them all just as honestly and if I didn't know I'd ask my mom!!!! I'm sure she never knew I was passing all this information around to the other kids but nobody's parent ever came after me to stop me so I guess it was all ok!!!! :-)

    My kids have asked tons of tough questions too about death and the state of the world and I have always followed my mother's example and told the truth as best as I can while being as reassuring as I can be. I remember worrying about lots of stuff when I was little and I still worry way more than I should. But I've realized worrying has never done me any good so I try to pass that on to my kids in the hopes that they won't worry as much as I did (and do). I try to tell them to not worry about things they can't do anything about but try to do something about the things they can. smile

    EandCmom #6914 01/08/08 12:07 PM
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    I doubt my mom got any calls. She almost certainly would have given me a "cease-and desist" order if anyone had called to complain. LOL!

    I'm with you about telling kids the truth, E&C. If they're going to worry--and they are!--I'd rather that they worry about global warming and cloning and death and fire than about the random imaginings that misinformation is going to create in their little heads.

    Besides, the lack of parental trust that would foster just doesn't seem worth it. If they can't trust us, who can they trust?

    I just try to avoid the issues inherent in this old joke:

    Little Suzie came to her mother and asked, "Mommy, where did I come from?"

    Her mother took a deep breath and launched into a lengthy and graphic description of how babies are made. At the end of her lecture, she checked in with her daughter to see if she understood everything.

    Little Suzie replied, "Huh. My friend Julie came from Omaha."

    wink laugh


    Kriston
    Kriston #6915 01/08/08 01:33 PM
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    Originally Posted by Kriston
    I just try to avoid the issues inherent in this old joke:

    Little Suzie came to her mother and asked, "Mommy, where did I come from?"

    Her mother took a deep breath and launched into a lengthy and graphic description of how babies are made. At the end of her lecture, she checked in with her daughter to see if she understood everything.

    Little Suzie replied, "Huh. My friend Julie came from Omaha."

    wink laugh


    That's a great one to remember!
    Grandson was consumed with anxiety when we got custody at age 5.5, I assumed it was due to life circumstances. Now I suppose his nature exacerbated the problems. He was terrified of going to ice skating lessons the first time because he was afraid of sharks coming up through the ice! When I explained it was an indoor rink with only a few inches of ice, and no water below, he was OK.
    He used to work himself into a frenzy from worry. So I'd have him name every thing he was worried about. If it could be explained away, I'd do that. If it was irrational, just naming it seemed to ease the worry. And if it was something too heavy for a child, we tried to teach him to let the adults handle it. Of course, we didn't dismiss his fears, just reaffirmed that some things require the adult action. At 8.5, he's gotten past a lot of worrying but still comes up with some. Periodically he worries about robots that can pass for humans, and how will we tell the difference?

    Kriston #6929 01/09/08 11:36 AM
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    Originally Posted by Kriston
    I took the "job" very seriously, even doing some research to make sure I answered all questions absolutely correctly and thoroughly. Can you imagine?

    Yes, dear, I can imagine it quite vividly! Interesting about the ways we change and the ways we don't!

    Smiling,
    Grinity

    Last edited by Grinity; 01/09/08 11:36 AM. Reason: for humor and seriousness

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    Grinity #6936 01/09/08 01:11 PM
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    Yes, I was a mouthy teacher who was vitally concerned with truth even at that age. There are worse things to be, I suppose...


    Kriston
    incogneato #7725 01/24/08 04:49 AM
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    Originally Posted by incogneato
    However, what's keeping her up this night is worries about clones?!?!?!
    I don't know whether to laugh of cry!
    Incog

    Hi 'Neato,
    I loved this thread! Thanks for bringing in front and center! How are things in DDland?
    Grinity


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    Grinity #7898 01/27/08 03:43 PM
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    Hi Grinity,

    Just read this one, must have missed it. How are things in DD land? Good, quiet. I realize I've been quiet on the forum.. I've been reading, but I get up in my head sometimes when I have a lot going on. Since DD7 doesn't want to skip, I've been busy trying to fabricate a reasonable learning environment afterschool and weekends. Also for DD5. They seem pretty happy right now, I think I have a few things right for now. I've enjoyed reading your blogs on the other forum. I have to get busy and order my for the grandchildren swag. I'm thinking of just buying the stuff and giving it to people for gifts with no explanation smile

    Incog

    incogneato #8104 01/31/08 08:52 AM
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    Quote
    I've enjoyed reading your blogs on the other forum.
    Grinity has a blog? Where, if I may? What "other forum"?
    Hope I am not being to nosy:-)

    Ania #8119 01/31/08 12:33 PM
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    Oh Ania!
    We've missed you.
    Try this link. http://giftedonlineconferences.ning.com/profiles/blog/list?user=wd3g6vk7v4ig
    you will probably have to join 'gifted on line conferences' Sally_L's group, but that's good too. I've been a busy person, creating a 'best of' blog, and figuring out how to use cafepress as well -
    www.cafepress.com/Grinity

    smiles,
    Grinity


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    Grinity #8122 01/31/08 12:54 PM
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    Boy, I do feel lost :-)
    Why "for the grandchildren"? Am I missing something here....

    Ania #8124 01/31/08 01:04 PM
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    How's this for a 'dark side'?
    I came in on a conversation between GS8 and the librarian as she was saying, "Nooooo, we don't have those books in the childrens section". Turns out he was asking for books by Edgar Allen Poe. eek

    OHGrandma #8127 01/31/08 01:21 PM
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    Too Much OH!
    Reminds me of a childhood memory, in the libray at age 8, sent in to pick up one of the "OZ" series for my brother.

    Me: Where are the OZ books?
    Librarian: But little girl, don't you know that you are too little for those?
    Me: (slighted) They are for my 5 year old brother.
    Librarian: Third stack on the Left.

    ((He taught himself at age 3, and got identified as 'the gifted one' every since.))

    Smiles,
    Grinty


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    Huh?


    Kriston
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    Spam comes in all flavors, Kriston. I notified the moderator. Yes, we are 'in public' although it sure doesn't feel like it!


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    LOL! I thought maybe it was a conversation I had missed part of. Duh!

    What odd spam! Who pays people to write that kind of weirdness?


    Kriston
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    Now I would guess that we are truly off topic, but
    http://www.superawesomewow.com/ReDesign/SAW-phpFeaturesArticle-000.php?idx=6

    I googled spam writers! Hey,If I have to homeschool someday, I'll still need to make a living, and I'll bet DS11 could help.

    Grins,
    Grinity


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    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    That site is hilarious! Thanks for sharing it. I got a good laugh this morning out of it.

    I don't know if we're OT. Spam is definitely something from "The Dark Side," no doubt about that! LOL!


    Kriston
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    Thanks for the laugh Grinity! We'll definitely keep that in mind as a back up career plan!

    #9629 02/25/08 08:29 AM
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    LOL! That's one of my favorite Sherlock Holmes stories, kcab.


    Kriston
    incogneato #9666 02/25/08 04:56 PM
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    I hear you, we went through a heaven obsession with the 4yr old ... cute until you get the when can i go and you start worrying it is the foreshadow of a cheesy tv movie. Or the 4 yr olds issue with "where" food comes from... "did they hurt someone to make this" (and we are on the opposite planet from vegans). Some how we made it to 6 with #1 ... then she read Addy (american girl civil war). nothing like explaing slavery and looking straight into her eyes when she asks but they won the war and nobody can hurt people like that. i could still cry - in part because of the reality and in part because i danced around an answer... i'm all for truth but she is barely 6.

    good luck to you.

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    There we go! That's what was lacking. I didn't realize it was a 1-2 punch of spam is all.


    Kriston
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