Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Another teacher conference gone bad..

Teacher actually suggested we keep him back next year while his social skills "catch up" I have to get him out of there!

I don't think teachers understand that gifted kids being challenged can help their social skills. Have you shown her any articles about this?

Is there a better teacher for her? Are you going to send DC to a new school or HS?

Good luck. I know this is hard.

How can they even suggest that? Do they not get that holding him back to repeat this grade, means that he will have to suffer through yet another year of being surrounded by immature minds?

I just do not get it! Sorry to hear about this.

I think we are at the homeschool option as our only current option. He is refusing to do work in school. He tells his teacher every day how much he hates school. He is either scribbling on his papers or refusing to do them and is also disruptive in class.
Their other suggestions were medication or pull-out next year in a program for kids having behavioral issues. This is the first year any teacher has had such a negative attitude with him and the first year he has had such and issue with school - he always thought it was boring etc. but liked his teacher/friends etc.
I do not know how (or if) I can afford to homeschool but I can't see him suffering along any longer.

Ouch. That sounds truly horrible. I hope you can figure out something. May be moving him to a different class could help some.

That's really awful. So sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope you can make homeschooling work for you if that's what you think they right thing for your son (and you). I know many "non-traditional" homeschooling families now where both members of the family work.

That sounds awful!!

That said I'm sure my DS's teachers feel about the same way. We are planning on doing K12 next year and then deciding to continue school at home (either k12, different virtual charter, or on our own) or go back to ps at that point. I don't forsee going back to ps but we'll see.

Thanks guys. At least I can come on here and have validation of the ridiculousness of the situation. Even DH says something similar to the teacher - "I hated school and I had to do my work. I think he needs a punishment." My reply "Right now school IS his punishment."

I mean obviously every one has to do things they don't like or don't find particularly interesting but to take a gifted child, any child and teach them to hate learning reminds me of the old "This is your brain on drugs" commercial.

Camera pans in on young child excitedly building with legos in his living room.

Child "Look Mom, this is the suspension bridge that goes across to the island. The mad scientist lives on the island and he is experimenting on making man eating plants by grafting like in the story I'm working on."

Over-voice "This is your child's brain."

New scene - Sullen silent older (8 or 9) child rolls eyes and sighs oblivious to the rest of the class while the teacher drones on (like from Charlie Brown)


Over voice - "This is your child's brain on SCHOOL."

To change teachers I would have to change schools. Right now I think he is so turned off that even a new teacher would have a tough time.

Not giving up though. Well maybe giving up on that teacher and perhaps school for now but not giving up on trying to get DS re-invested in himself and learning and having fun.

Thanks again for listening to my vent. :-)

Breakaway

Wow. That had to be awful. While I'm not having those exact issues, DS is having a more difficult year than he's had in the past. I can totally empathize with the struggle of whether or not 'traditional' school is right for your child. This year has really been the catalyst for our decision to HS next year. (Actually, it's a K12 charter school, so not totally independent HSing). I'm hopeful that this change will be a positive one for DS.

Good luck to you in figuring out how best to serve your DSs needs!

We had the same situation last year except DS7 was spending half his day in K (age appropriate) and the other half in 1st grade. When we wanted him to just skip to 2nd this year the 1st grade teacher thought that he should do first grade due to his social skills and the fact that he missed the morning portion of 1st grade each day and may have missed something important.

This came during a meeting when we discussed how the 1st grade work was still not close to challenge DS and meeting his needs!!

I totally feel your pain and can't even being to understand some of these teachers.

FYI: We did get the skip to 2nd for DS7 this year.

Crisc,

It is amazing how little many teachers "get" these kids. Glad to hear you got your skip. DS skipped first and I was actually gearing up for another grade skip...

Hugs Breakaway -
I'm not following your thoughts here. Can you get a skip right now? If they are willing, I'll bet you'd get at least 12 weeks of good behavior even if the skip wasn't 'enough.' LOL that the teacher thinks he is having 'social skills' problems given his current behavior - sucking up is a social skill!

As for DH, my guess is that he is remembering 'hating school' as a much older child - worth asking him 'exactly' which years he hated school and which not and what he sees as the difference. Hard though.

I wouldn't rule out that he might instantly change his behavior once his environment changed. My son whistled the whole year he was 9, (during inhalation and exhalation) until an interview with the Principle of a private schools asked him: 'Do you do that all the time?' and he said that he infered that if he couldn't stop himself from whistling that he couldn't attend the school. He stopped. Cool.

The part of you that thinks he really does need to behave, or really is damaged goods might think that he's 'too fried' for any school, but I don't nescessarily agree. ((wink)) Only one way to find out, yes?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I swear, I have had nearly that exact same fantasy, with precisely those words! DS7 starts in about hating school at bedtime or first thing in the morning, and I say something about his brain, and those are the words that flash across my eyeballs next--"this is your brain on school"! LMAO!

This is an interesting thread. I can relate in a lot of ways with DS5. he is in first grade and they allowed him to start this year in first after reviewing his testing reports. Socially he tends to do well with older kids, but he still can be immature at times and tends to act ridiculous especially when he gets a reaction. He is still getting in trouble almost daily for doing "silly" things like being goofy on the rug, getting up out of his seat and walking around, and just doing little things like touching the teachers computer (one day he had to switch colors because he switched the teacher's screen to another one, and then switched it right back...he said he didn't know why he had to switch colors because he put the screen right back the way it was). Anyhow, it is frustrating. Each day I am not sure how serious the offense was for him to move colors, sometimes it seems it was justifiable and other times I am not so sure. Recently he has scribbled on his work a couple times. The teacher is confused about this since it is "challenging work" While it is work that is a few grade levels above it still isn't necessarily challenging or interesting for him. I believe it was 3 digit subtraction or something. He is doing algebra so I doubt that was too challenging. Last night he told me that sometimes he just gets bored and isn't sure what to do. He wasn't just talking about school I don't think. DS still seems to like school, but says that he wishes that it wouldn't be so easy and there "wasn't so much first grade stuff". He does get differentiated work and is doing mostly work between 3rd and 6th grade. But there is still some stuff that he has to do that is more first grade material.

Anyhow, I feel your pain. It is frustrating. I am happy that the school is working so well with him, but I wish that the behaviors were under control as it would make each day much smoother for all.

I can totally relate to this thread. We pulled DS then 6 out last year and unschooled for 6 months. Things improved. Then we signed up for virtual online. Now I am 'that' teacher and we are considering unschooling again. I guess we'll be doing school for 6 months or less every year. LOL It is soooo frustrating. Mostly for DS school is a trigger word. I say 'school' he turns into mush/brains shuts off/body goes limp. You get the idea.

Good luck Breakaway. My DH is just finally starting to come around very very slowly.

What a nightmare! At our last conference all teachers involved said DS7 would have had an easier year socially if he'd Grade skipped completely not just by Subject. We didn't push for it last year, but at least the teachers figured that it's not easy for these Gifted kids to mix with same age peers. To completely lack comprehension of this, as your DS's teacher seems to have, suggests that she/he must lack social skills themselves - empathy for instance! Good Luck with trying H.S.