The mom of my dd's friend says that her dd is an introvert and only ever wants to play with one friend at a time. I can understand that to a point but I also think the mom should talk with her daughter about this strange pattern.
Hi spirited mama! Welcome!
Wow - you are so lucky to have a 'nearby'-ish school where your daughter is nurtured, and a nearby-ish friend that is availible at least part of the year. Sounds to me like you are doing everything right.
I think it's totally natural and normal for the MG girlfriend to want to play 'one child at a time' and that for a while she might want to play with the other child. I certainly would not ask the other Mom to 'encourage' the girlfriend to play more with your daughter,
[How would you handle a phone call from the ND girl asking you to talk to your DD about playing 'nicer' with her?]
although I think 'inviting' the girl on a daylong family outing to an enticing destination is 'within bounds.'
You daughter is unhappy, which is hard to watch, BUT it is a great life lesson. I think that if she learns to -
a) be comfortable with her own company for a few months and
b) able to find new friends
c) spend more time with family members
d) learn that in life, you can be less sad if you spend time helping others.
that she will be well prepared to handle the 'ups and downs' of interacting with other humans throughout her life.
Really.
Are you going to be calling her future boyfriend's mother and asking her to 'speak to her son' about breaking your DD's heart?
I don't think so.
Next issue:
That to do in the meantime?
1) arrange playdates with kids from school (perhaps the parents will met you half way, or live on the same side of the school as you do, or do Friday night sleepovers where you can skip one of the drives.
2) polish an intellectual interest at home
3) join a club that is intended for adults with an interest 'Reptile Club' or a service project. For some HG kids, adults are their ONLY avenue of friendship.
4) Plan a few 'dates' with your child or encourage your partner, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. to do so.
5) Try to find some little kids that your DD can 'babysit' for 40 minutes here and there. (You or the Mom can be in the home at the time.)
6) See if DD6 has any ideas for a business (dog walking?) that would get her out among people.
7) pick up an additional afterschool activity or musical instrument. Or maybe she wants to be in charge of meal planning/shopping or plan the family vacation?
8)Adopt a grandparent
I personally was shunned during elementary school grades 4-6th and I'm a very very outgoing 'people person' type. And I always wished that my parents had been able to fix it for me, because it was so very painful. Then after DS13 was born, I met and became very friendly with a Mom who had grown up 'always having friends' and never not being part of a clique. She was lovely in so many ways. We shared a lot, and she told me many times about how frightened she was of 'not having friends' and how many of her feelings and thoughts she 'stuffed' so as not to offend the other females in her social group. The when the kids were 3, there was a big fight between me and this other Mom. Turned out that part of the reason we had been having such a good time was that she had been being 'accommodating' to me, and she resented it! After the fight there was no going back for that friendship. I was sad for months, wondering what had gone wrong.
Maybe there are other people who are popular all their lives and never have to give up too much of themselves to maintain that, but personally, I never 'wished' that my parents had 'fixed it' again. I learned to value what I had gained during my hard times.
I could be just making myself feel better, but my hunch is that all kids, especially EG kids, are going to have moments when their borders are being crossed, and being able to risk a friendship is a really important life skill.
I hope that wasn't 'too much' - this is a really important issue and touched a personal nerve. Take the best and leave the rest!
Love and more Love,
Grintiy