Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion "Lazy"

Hello All -

Since it came up in another thread I wanted to start a discussion about laziness.

For years now I have been meaning to write up a piece about why I think this word should be abolished from use.

Here is my first shot.

Petition to abolish the use of "Lazy" - DRAFT

Reason 1
- It has negative connotations. Ideally, the word would be used to describe behavior (He was being lazy and did not do his homework). But most often it becomes a label that is hard to shake (he or she is lazy) and will eventually reinforce poor self esteem (My guess here. no data to back this up. )

Reason 2 and 3
- It is (2) imprecise and (3) does not lend itself to remedy or action. Compare "She did not do her chores because she is lazy" to "She did not do her chores because she is unmotivated" and "She did not do her chores because she is afraid of doing them wrong"

I probably have more reasons but these are the big three. Laziness is just a catch-all phrase that doesn't help anyone.

I would almost say "lazy" is analogous to "tired". It is a surface symptom without the root cause.

Is the person tired because they did not get enough rest? because they just walked five miles? 10 miles? 1 mile and they are out of shape? Maybe I am stretching it. I will stop now.

Thanks for listening.

EW

Have you read "The Myth of Laziness"? In reading about underachieving kids I have found a lot of authors who would agree with you, especially regarding kids. And I think I'm with you on this one too. Children may be anxious, confused, tired, scared, angry, etc.

I think "lazy" is a "lazy/inaccurate" word!

I noticed the use of "lazy" in the other thread as well and it didn't make sense to me in relation to our struggle.

Clearly our son acts lazily at times, or rather he is behaving in a lazy fashion because he is uninterested in whatever is going 'round him at the moment.

(And really, in our situation, few would see him in action and say he's being lazy.)

Here's one definition of lazy: "Unwilling to do work or make an effort."

In general, he generally does whatever is asked of him at school without complaint (home is a whole different story). The issue for us is that he is rarely required to "make an effort" -- he is unchallenged.

I want his teachers to recognize that he can do so much more than what they are asking him to do, and that the longer it takes for him to realize what a real challenge is, the harder it will be to break the habit of enjoying only that which comes easily.

"Challenged" is trite word by now. To teachers and administration, it signals a child with problems.

The reason I said that I did not want my daughter to become lazy is that this word for most people makes them act.

For most people, being unchallenged is not a huge deal, but when you mention that you don't want a child to become lazy, they respond.

Just lots of years dealing with this stuff.

Dandy, i agree that this is a serious problem. 'Learning how to learn' is one of the key benefits of school.

Of course there may also be a connection between DS's unwillingness to do what you ask at home with the situation at school. This means that homeschooling may go more smoothly than you had planned. Of course, reversing underachievement is lots of hard work, and painful. I've been there.

You want to change the teachers. I wish you good luck, but warn you that it can be a huge timewaster. Some teachers can and some can't. Many of the ones that 'can' already 'do.' But there are a few out there who are convertible. Have you looked at what YOU can do to change things? Generally speaking, a person has a lot more control overthemselves than they do over others.

So what, exactly, can you change?
1) you can homeschool
2) you can get him privately assessed to see if you can support his advanced abilities and build a relationship with a profession who is willing to advocate with the school for you to get nescessary accomidation.
3) Repeat every day: Giftedness is a special educational need, which anyone who understood the nature of the problem would want to help fill.
4) If your child is 'moderately gifted' afterschool programs, Saturday enrichment or individual tutoring on the weekend might be enough.
5) Check out the parenting books by Howard Glasser. One of them will fit your home situation. I particularly like Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to The Nurtured Heart Approach
Also read Sylvia Rimm 'Why Bright Children get Poor Grades.'
6) Start saving now for gifted summer camp

There are more ways to pluck this chicken. Your thread was so powerful, that you threadjacked your own self! I've never seen that happen. I related to it also, and it was very beautifully stated. But that didn't answer your question: what can be done.

Turns out that lots and lots can be done! Have hope! Keep posting about every little thing that is bothering you. We will try harder next time!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I think I would agree that using the word "lazy" to school admin will go over better than "challenged." I'll have to remember that if I ever put DS back in school.

Quite funny. Now you owe me a new monitor for all the coffee that I just sprayed across the front of it.

I will pick this up in the original thread.

Thx.

I see the difference now.

I first thought that I'd be calling him lazy now -- But I see that I'm really wanting to prevent that from happening.

I can see how word choice can matter. I'll use whatever word they want if it will make a difference!

Ellipses -

I hear you... It is so unfortunate, though.

(My kid is only just starting K so I have not yet fought the battles.)

Yet another reason for me to be annoyed with the ridiculous educational systems our kids are in. First they don't challenge our children, then they indirectly encourage inaccurate terminology.

Well, if you get results with "lazy' at least you are getting results!

Keep fightin' the good fight.

best,

EW

note: so I guess that means you use that word with school admin and not around your DC, yes?