Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments homeschooling responses

I think this pin points a lot of tension and angst in these conversations. In general, when someone asks, what they really want to hear something that isn't contrary to their own choice. I do my best to explain our decision as being solely about US. And not the school, etc. There are those cases (in the grocery store, etc) where you really don't care what people think. I do come across needing a better explanation why we're homeschooling pretty frequently though.

This is what I thought! My husband recommends talking about how hard it is instead. That way, people don't have to feel bad about not homeschooling themselves in case they have a hang up about that.

For example, one lady told me that her kid (who went to the same school that DS6 went to) had a stomachache daily and nightmares every night for a year because of a mean teacher. Naturally, she'll feel bad to know that I would never put up with that. Then, I know another lady with a ticcy-hyper who thinks hs is "too hard". She might get upset to find out that hs is hard but I'm willing to do it.

Funny thing is I recently read that folks who are gifted have trouble understanding other people's insecurities. Perhaps this is a case in point.

Yes, giftedticcyhyper...I will sometimes play the "it's so hard" card...and generally people say "Oh that must be so hard, I know I couldn't do it."

I don't homeschool because we have a great school. I offer nothing but respect for those of you who do it.

Slightly OT here, but I think a message does need to come out: our school system sucks overall, and is especially bad for gifted kids. It's also quite bad for the other kids in the upper quarter of the class, who aren't getting the education they need, either.

I'm tired of having to be PC about saying how wonderful our schools are and then making up a plain vanilla excuse for why our kids don't go to public schools. I would love to send my kids to public school, but I can't! We make huge financial sacrifices for private school because the system sucks!

I've spoken to principals who've told me that they're "anti-grade-skip on principle" and then proceeded to accuse me of forcing my kids to just study and never play. All this without having even seen them once. How come they can be so rude and yet everyone else has to talk about how wonderful they are? Can I say this again? The system sucks!

Sure, lots of teachers are great and work hard, but the overall system sucks!

In my state at least (CA), we have these major problems:

* Too many "minimum days": Many or all districts have early dismissal every Wednesday, plus public school dismissal on the other days is usually a full hour earlier than private school dismissal (same start times).

The upshot is that kids in private schools get an extra six hours per week. This leaves time for science, art, dance, music, etc.

* A watered-down curriculum. There's a big emphasis standardized tests. So, for example, lots of memorizing of "math facts." This means that a huge portion of the day is spent on language arts-type subjects (reading, etc) and math. Plus, the K-6 science books are 10 years out of date.

*Huge mismanagement of financial resources. This state spends $45 billion per year on schools and yet they always want more.

* Too much anti-giftedness. No explanation needed.

Sorry, but I feel exactly like the parents of kids with disabilities felt 25 years ago when they started shouting "What's the school going to do for my kid???"

!

Val

I agree to a large extent our schools have a long way to go. I would love for my kids to be in public school full-time, if it would work. Our Superintendant is in the dark ages when it comes to his teaching model. Hopefully it will begin to improve more with our new Director of Curriuclum. There aren't any private school within a half-hour of us that are any better.

It's sad that with NCLB we are failing as a nation. Last I saw in reading "U.S. students posted a lower average score than students in Russia, Hong Kong, Singapore, Luxembourg, Hungary, Italy and Sweden, along with the Canadian provinces of Alberta, British Columbia and Ontario". We don't want to discuss math.

Sadly my DH and I "lost" what we considered dear friends over this when we decided to partially enroll and homeschool. They can't understand why our public school isn't "good enough" for our kids. No matter how I tried to emphasize that this is what's right for OUR children, and to avoid discussing schooling in general whenever possible it was a topic that they couldn't overcome. I now try to avoid being asked the question whenever possible.

I meet with our Director of Curriculum twice a year to discuss my children and to see if there are any changes in policies or programs that they might benefit from. Maybe some day soon we will see some.

My husband sometimes comes home with questions for my son that his public schooled and college educated employees didn't know the answers to and somehow our son usually knows the answers. Today he asked our son some math questions even though I told him that we didn't focus on math this year and he might not know them. It was just pre-algebra, simple equations that my husband used as a fun way to give the employees a code they needed to open the door or something. Only a few of the employees got the right answers and those that did thought it was fun, but most of the employees couldn't remember how to do them. My son got the right answers without any problem even though math is not his favorite subject and he spends very little time on math.

So this is what I think about when people ask me why I homeschool but I would never say it. I usually just tell them that he started out in public school and we were told by teachers and the principal that we needed to homeschool.

But it was a little uncomfortable trying to explain to the parent of one of my son's gifted older friends why we homeschool. This parent thinks the school is a good one and he said they never had any problems. The one hour a week pull out was fine for his son. Nobody told them they needed to homeschool.

One of my sisters-in-law, a college professor, never said anything about our homeschooling but I feel uncomfortable just imagining what she is thinking. I do not have the education she has, I can't answer those "why" questions in math (but maybe that is a good thing--he learned to find answers on his own) and I don't sound as smart as my 11 year old son when I speak and I am supposed to be teaching him.

I wish we could do part time public school so my son could be around other kids but we don't have that option here. I would love for him to be able to do band and drama.

I have a friend who buys thread for her knitting and needlework. When she runs out, she buys more, even while in the middle of a project. And manufacturers are not always spot on.

Those of us who can discern the difference between the colors safflower and daffodil cannot explain to her that yellow is not yellow. Like her, most people cannot discern the fine color differences even within dyes but between batches.

To look at her work is to be stunned by its artisanship, but its chromatic cacaphony is painful to look at.

How do you give the blind sight?

You mostly can't.

But that's not the problem, I think. The problem is when we allow blind people to believe they're sighted!

Val

Another Californian here, Val, so I know whatcha mean! And, it IS terrible for gifted kids. One psych flat out told me that gifties are more likely to get an appropriate education in a poor neighborhood public school than a wealthy one. The schools that are in "high SES areas" want to believe that they are already operating at a very high level. When I say that my son needed more challenge, the pat response is, "but you live in a high SES area. The school should be good." What a non-starter! I mean, what exactly does that mean? What my son's peers are working on is irrelevant to what he needs as an individual. If he were slow, would we say, "but you live in a high SES area. The school should be good." I just cannot make sense from that.

It's not really the school's fault, though. It's public opinion. I honestly got the feeling that the school might have been willing to accommodate if I had offered proof for them that he should be given harder work. The real issue was the other parents. I knew that if I got any more treatment, anything better, the other parents would be furious and we would become pariahs. And, if the work still wasn't appropriate, it would mean month after month of meetings and me feeling like I was asking for too much. The other parents would feel like I was asking for too much. Frankly, I've totally given up on California publics, in terms of education. All the kids that I went to high school with that are doctors and scientists now were home-schooled. They were enrolled in high school just to socialize, date and to cover for the truth: they were home-schooled.

Oh, and I have had the exact same responses! People tell me that I work my kid too hard. He should be having fun. Blah blah blah. They don't understand my kid! Some people are just more intellectually inclined. Spice of life, People! I mean, o.k., the other day, we were at the park and my son said, "I'm so frustrated that I can't swing by myself. I wish I didn't need to be pushed." I broke the process down and gave him instructions, right? He was happy. I looked up and other parents were scowling at me. One dad said, "Geez, just let go and let the magic happen. It's all about fun." Well, no, actually. He's six years old and embarrassed that he can't swing independently. That's not fun. True self esteem comes from mastery. That's what my son wanted and the look of pride and joy on his face as he began to master the swing was what I really call fun!