Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Let DS teach himself how to play guitar?

We're encountering this more frequently....DS doesn't want instruction from anyone, he wants to learn everything himself, at his own pace. I feel this comes from the current school situation and not being challenged or motivated. He's said before that he wishes he could just stay home for school so I could teach him harder stuff and he could do it faster. The school situation is being worked out and if all goes according to plan, he'll finish out this year in 3rd/4th and go to 5th next year. I think he'll be happier with that.

DH and I have always encouraged DS to try new activities, but DS isn't always open. Sometimes, we have to force the issue. DS takes TKD and has gotten his Black Belt. If you were to ask DS, he hates it and wants to quit, until he gets there. DS just doesn't want to stop whatever he's in the middle of to go to class. Once he's there, he loves it. He doesn't like to practice at home, yet he thinks it's cool that he's a Black Belt. It's as if he wants the end result and knows he can get there, but doesn't want to take the long road. He's not patient and if things don't move at his pace, he'll almost definitely lose interest.

So, we want DS to try an instrument and take lessons at some point. He loves to play Guitar Hero and that has sparked an interest in guitar. Now, he wants to get an acoustic guitar and teach himself. He absolutely doesn't want lessons and I think it's because he thinks it'll take too long. He wants to get the book and figure it out himself. I'm hesitant to let him do this for a couple of reasons. #1 - I think it might not be the best message to send to DS that he doesn't need instruction. DS is pretty confident and well, arrogant at times. I'm a bit afraid that he might actually be able to teach himself the basics and that would only confirm his position. #2 - What if he doesn't get it, gets frustrated, decides he hates guitar and then we've lost any chance of having a willing participant at some point in the future.

I hate that it seems as if we're forcing DS to do things that alot of other kids would enjoy. However, if we didn't, he'd sit and do nothing. And again, once he's there, he's great and has a good time. I've always said and I think it's still true that DS doesn't transition well - we've always had to work on that.

Any thoughts? What would you do?

Maybe compromise? In other words, allow him to teach himself, but only after he takes a beginner's course. Or you could tell him he needs to take the beginner's course before you will buy him the guitar??? Some places will give lessons and provide the guitar. While Guitar Hero has moved up since it was first introduced, it's not quite like the real thing.

LOL! DS fancies himself a rock star now. We keep trying to tell him that it's nowhere near the same, but he knows everything . Actually, he toys around with DHs guitar, but it's electric and we've been told that it would be better for him to start on an acoustic. We don't expect him to become a musical genius, we just want to expose him to lots of things and see where his interests lie (other than video games).

My worry would be that he'd teach himself bad habits without knowing it.

He can always fiddle around with the guitar between lessons. But learning proper technique seems kind of important. It could save him a lot of time and frustration down the road.

If he really is motivated to teach himself, the Wii system has a new program that teaches guitar. I watched a demo on it on TV and it looked fairly comprehensive. If you go to Best Buy or somewhere like that you can watch the demo. Have him watch it as well and see what he thinks.

I agree with Kriston bad habits are hard to unlearn. There are mechanics and form involved in any instrument. Maybe the compromise is if you want a real guitar - you need a min. of x # of lessons - say 10. Then you have the basics down and can just keep working on either reading music or jamming out his own tunes.

Some instruments you can rent by the way for others interested. It makes starting less of a huge decision. We had a wonderful teacher who tossed the standard plan out the window and went at our child's pace. We like it because it is not forgiving, it does require practice, and we can't get it right on the first try. The downside at this age is it means "I'm" taking lessons to with ensure practice happens and is done well... and that part I'm not always holding up my end.

He needs to want it, even little, not you.
Once this is acomplished, I believe that self teaching guitar is what MAJORITY of guitar players do and did. Unless you are thinking abut a classical guitar. Let him try. Especially since it looks like your DH plays.

The thing is that he does want to play the guitar, he just doesn't want to have lessons. He has this idea that it's like Guitar Hero and that since he's doing great at that, the real thing will be just as easy. I think exposure to different things is great and if there were something else he wanted to do, I'd look into it. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a lot of extracurricular interests. Maybe he's just not motivated or hasn't found THE thing(s) that really clicks for him. If he's not going to help me on this, then I kinda have to step in and provide some opportunities.

There's certainly no harm in letting him try it out and see what he does with it, except what others have mentioned about bad habits, if he finds that he's really into it. I just see a pattern forming of DS not wanting 'instruction' from anyone or thinking that he can learn whatever he wants on his own....perhaps he can, but I'd hate for him to think that there's nothing to be learned from anyone else. This is probably the bigger issue for me.

HMM.. Your DS sounds a ALOT like my DS11... Smart, stubborn and thinks he has all the answers.
18 mos ago DS decided he wanted to learn Guitar. We were hesitant, because the interest came from Guitar Hero, which is nothing like playing the real guitar.
At the advice of a friend who is an Ibanez rep, as well as DS's first instructor, we bought an electric guitar. Their reasoning is that so much of what DS wanted to play only sounded right on electric guitar ( Think "Smoke on the Water" on electric vs. "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" on acoustic ). DS would have fizzled out on acoustic.

We started out with a teacher who was not very enthusiastic and very "by the book". Things did not go well, and there were some screaming matches at our house over practice time and listening skills. DS thought he knew it all and did not take direction well from the instructor or me.

FF 3 months and we found a VERY cool instructor who is also teacher at a gifted preschool.. He "gets" DS, and has become a mentor for him. Guitar has become a kind of refuge for DS, and lessons have become his place to chill out and connect with another adult who appreciates him.. and, on top of all of that , DS is really, really good at playing. However, he struggles with the timing of music, so it has increased his ability to pay attention, and it has been extremely rewarding for him when he has to work at something but then succeeds in such a positive way.

I will say that lessons are important. Our instructor talks constantly about guitarists who don't get the basics down and fizzle out because they don't have a good foundation. He also discusses music theory, so that is an added benefit as well.

Just last week DS decided to try and tackle the trumpet in 6th grade, knowing that if he sticks it out until 9th grade, he can play the guitar in the Jazz band at the high school.

So I say, get yourself a good instructor and go for it!

It definitely sounds like you know what I'm going through now . (Guitar Hero is the latest thing in my house.) I spoke with a music teacher who recommended the acoustic first. He said that the transition from acoustic to electric is easier than the other way around. Now, that I'm thinking about it though, maybe learning on the electric is the way to go for DS - which I'm pretty sure he would enjoy. The music he wants to play is more suited to the electric, LOL. I just wish I could help him see the benefits of learning from someone who knows what they're doing. Unless we're able to find someone like you've found, I fear the same results. DS definitely prefers to go at his own pace and is not the most patient kid in town.

I'll be doing some checking into an instructor. Thanks for your input.

I don't understand why switching from electric to acoustic would be harder, but regardless, would he ever WANT to? My DS was very into the instant gratification of the cool sounds he could make on the electric.

Our instructor has taken songs DS has picked out from Rock Band ( we have both ) and simplified them so DS can play... they do this along with practicing chords, learning scales, going over timing and working out of the workbook. He does a good job of mixing it up to keep DS interested.
BUT.. his instructor had to really work at what learning what makes DS tick.. we had a couple of lessons of a very disrespectful kid sitting and sulking in a chair because he "knew it all". And like I said, at the beginning he was very reluctant to read the music because he was playing things by ear. Even now, he plays chords on the right strings with the wrong fingers, and the instructor has to "unlearn" this before those bad habits set in.
But the benefits have far outweighed those initial obstacles..
Feel free to PM me with questions.