Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy If I hear this one more time...

"You have to remember if we accelerate him when he is 14, all his classmates will be getting driver's licenses."

Seriosly he will most likely be in college long before he is 16... And he will probably need at least one more grade skip not to mention he is already wanting to be friends with teenagers at 6.... I-Yi-Yi

What do all you say to this one?

He is 6 now?

hkc75... I got that same comment about driving when this retired teacher who doesn't know my child calculated that my DD will be one of the youngest in her class and I should hold her back because she won't be able to drive when all the other kids will. Chances are we will have to accelerate her when in school so the idea of holding her back is so ridiculous to me.

Yes DS is 6 and needs to be accelerated into 2nd at least. He has a summer birthday but the school says maybe he is too young to go all the way into 2nd even though there is overwhelming evidence he needs at least 1 year grade skip. Yet they are concerned about the "driving factor". *sigh* Also the math teacher assured me that he will definitely be challenged in the 2nd grade accelerated math. He is currently doing 3-4th grade math at home. Ugh!

The other one I love (NOT) is "But the other girls will be getting their periods." And some of them won't...I was one of the late bloomers...made no difference to my education or social status as to when I got my period.

You see, it's always something. Perhaps we should counter with "How many kids have been held back b/c they didn't get their period/muscles by X grade?" Now if the kid is really into sports and that will affect eligibility, then that's a horse of a different color.

I was a driver for one of my daughters field trips at school. I had been told by her teacher that we might be driving for different grades. One of the little boys told me he would be 8 this summer. I asked Oh, are you in 1st or 2nd grade? The little boy replied, I'm in kindergarten. I just changed the subject very quickly. I guess when he's 16 he'll be driving all his 14 year old friends in his class

The "best" one I've gotten is "you don't want to turn her into a freak do you?" In reference to my discussing with a family member that our DD6 should be in grade 2 now, not splitting her time between kinder and grade 1. (And she will also probably need another skip later on.)

My favorite... "Do you realize he'll be in high school at 10?"
Uh nope, thought never occurred to me.

How about "Good, then all her friends can drive her places. How convenient!"

<evil smirk>

Yes, Dottie. It is 2nd/3rd. Definitely, as DS7 is almost 8 and is officially in 2nd.

Hehehehe! I like that!

Ah, you're wicked like I am, S-T. I knew I liked you!

I will have to practice that line and smirk, Kriston. lol

I think this falls under red shirting boys conversation we have had in the past. I know a mom that is seriously considering this for her son who will already be 6 when he is in kindergarten. She wants to start him a year later with the argument that he isn't reading yet. Huh?!? I think there is some other issues she isn't willing to talk about and I certainly don't push it.

At least that's academic! Two boys in DS's class were 6 when K started. Both dads outwardly say that they redshirted so the boys would be bigger and stronger to play football. So they're a full year older than most of the kids and a year and a half older than the cutoff!

I so secretly love that my DS who won't be 6 for another month, has been taller than ALL of them since before school started!

Price of gas, it wouldn't be a bad thing having other people drive!

I say: 'Yeah, it will be a drag, but we couldn't find any other way that would work even a little bit. Remember to vote 'YES' if we can ever get a referendum to build a Magnet School for Highly Gifted kids.'

Unless I'm in a 'stir-the-pot' mood, when I say:
'Yeah, but at least I don't have to worry about those phone calls we used to get from other parents saying that my son ruined their child's childhood by explaining to them about (fill in the blank: Santa, Where Babies Come From, The Economy!)

Sadly - you will hear this many many more times.

Another favorite is: ((Picture this with Mel Brooks or Billy Crystal doing his Yiddish Accent, or it makes no sence!))
"From your mouth to G-d's ears, that should be the biggest problem he ever has!"

Love and More Love,
Grinity

The one that probably ticks me off the most is:

"Just let him be a kid".....

What does that even mean?????

It means they don't understand your kid at all.

I have this friend who will emphasize to me that playing sports is SO much more important (even though she knows that DS8 dislikes team sports and is poor in playing soccer/ basketball etc). She makes me feel like I am doing him a disservice by isolating him from other sporty boys and not encouraging him to play. DS just prefers other forms of exercises like biking, squash and Tae Kwon Do.

And those are perfectly fine forms of exercise, S-T. Don't let this "friend" get you down on that account!

I say, I am letting them be kids. You should try letting them be the kids they *are*.

Some of these comments reminded me of the comedian, Bill Engvall with "Here's your sign." Do the other people think that we are just completely incompetent? ...as if you never thought about the consequences/future at all.

red-shirting kids in kindergarten just sounds absurd to me....are those parents thinking about the future - regarding anything but sports - what if Johnny sucks at sports?

I am with incogneato...but I love the snappy comebacks from Kriston for when you are feeling particularly spiteful.

Along these lines, I had an interesting experience at the EXPLORE test center school, as I waited for MrWiggly to come out. Another mom, whom I had never met as this was in a school district far from our home, started chatting with me. Turns out her 5th grade son was taking the test. She commented that her 3rd grade son was invited but she felt he "was just too young for this kind of stuff." She then asked about my child and looked a little sheepish when I said he was in 3rd grade and excited about taking the test. It got even better (or worse?) when the conversation continued and she asked if my son was 9 yet. I should have just said yes. Her jaw dropped when I said "actually he's still 7. He skipped kindergarten."

For a moment I actually felt guilty that I had brought him to the EXPLORE test at all.......but only for a moment

My DS8 can do work well above his age-grade level. Fine. He also makes farting noises with his armpit and likes licensed character underwear. He loves Garfield comics and soccer. Did I mention paper airplanes and running through the sprinkler when it's hot outside?

My response to that dumb statement is that he is a kid. It's just that he thinks differently than most other kids in some ways (and he always will).

Oh, and as an aside, and as far as I'm concerned, the parents who don't let their kids be kids are the ones who force them into competitive sports before the kids are ready. You can easily spot these people because they're the ones constantly howling "Get to the ball!!!" at their seven-year-olds from the sidelines of the sports field. This may happen with kids and chess tournaments too; I don't know.

Val

My DS just turned 6 also and we are in the same boat.
He skipped kinder so is in 1st but is also doing at least 3rd grade math and phonics reading etc. I dk what to do.
I am worried about the emotional factor skipping. I gotta say my DS is not ahead emotionally. I am leaning towards the gifted 1st in public in Sept 2009. This will be a repeat of 1st though. When they see the work he is doing there is no way they can give him 1st grade work. I am hoping anyway. I will not make him do 1+2 and read cat in the hat.

How about "I love hearing about her academic achievements but right now I'm more concerned about her life skills" This from my dd's teacher because my dd is the absent minded professor as a child. Somehow I'm guessing she will eventually acquire life skills and right now I'm concerned about the school trying to teach her something!!!

OH!!!! I HATE this one! I'm like, hello, I did not push this child, HE did it himself (as far as reading early, wanting to stick his nose in a book all the time, etc).

I also get the "well, if he goes into kindergarten this year, he won't be getting his driver's license when his classmates do".

Um, really... he'll be 16 when he gets his license. Why don't we wait to discuss THAT when he's 16. I'm just trying to do what's best for him at 4.5 (at the time). He's got 11 more years to worry about driving.

I think the best response for this one is to agree.

"Oh, I SO agree about kids needing to be kids! So much of their time is overprogrammed these days. I really think it's important to let them choose what to do with their free time. My DS/DD just chooses to read/do math/conduct science experiments/etc. It's his/her passion. Well, that and bike riding/Barbies/LEGOS/digging in the mud with his fingernails/other "kid" activity."

Hard to think that you're "that mom" if you agree with them!

Oh yeah. Funny, my DS5 plays baseball. It's the one "sporty" thing he does. And he really doesn't do it very well (heck, he's only 5), but he enjoys it. When signing him up this season, I asked the guy at the table if his age group would be split up into two leagues like normal. The guy was like "yeah, but generally the National League is for 6 year olds". I replied, "Good. Because my son belongs on a team with mostly 5 year olds, in the American League". I think I shocked him because most parents apparently try to push their kids up. Personally I'm glad DS5 does something "normally".

Hi Ianfan,
Yeah like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Finally my DS6 is wiping himself (being a perfectionist he was worried he would miss some of it) Gross I know sorry. But here I am w/a "misfit" child. Where does he belong, and I flip flip everyday. We send our kids to school to learn and when they are not learning how can we not be upset.
The perfect sit would be kids same age w/same academic skills but this is where we all have few options!!!

Sorry to "hijack" this thread, but is this common for GT kids or just perfectionists? DS5 is both, and he only does it b/c he has no other choice at this point. We do make sure he is cleaned so he does not have a cow about thinking he's dirty.

DD3 has been doing it herself for about 3 months now (couldn't reach before).

Hmm I don't really know how common this is, I just know most other kids I know have been wiping since 3.
Maybe it is common LOL!!

It means they don't have a clue what is it like to have a gifted child who craves knowledge.

Hey Tracy,

I sort of liken all of these comments to my thoughts when my kids were babies. Let me explain. I am big supporter of attachment parenting. Nursing, sleeping near baby, not letting them cry etc...It is what worked for me and I'm not saying it should work for everyone(just needed to add that caveat). When my pediatrician started instructing me on how to get my baby to go to sleep without holding her I shut him down. That's parenting advice and I'm here for medical advice. Same goes for teachers and school officials, in most cases. Surely there will be exceptions. I send my child to school to learn and socialize not to solicit advice on my parenting skills. I am happy to entertain their suggestions but it must work both ways because maybe just maybe if you let my kid be the kid they want to be and teach to their level and skill set the other issues will disappear. It's a dream I know.

To respond to others on the board as well. I hear you!! One teacher said that maybe she is not doing her work at school because she views it as a time to relax - meaning I force her to do so much at home and should just let her be a kid. My dd spends the bulk of her time playing with plastic figures, swinging on swings, doing ballet, and digging up bugs in the mud. She also happens to love reading ficition and about reptiles and wants to be a chemist.

Why can't they just accept her for who she is. A thoughtful shy child who struggles to keep track of her possessions...

Interesting. DS5 has been potty trained since before age 2, yet this was a huge issue for us. On his 5th birthday, I even did the "I don't have to wipe anymore" dance!

Unless I'm in a 'stir-the-pot' mood, when I say:
'Yeah, but at least I don't have to worry about those phone calls we used to get from other parents saying that my son ruined their child's childhood by explaining to them about (fill in the blank: Santa, Where Babies Come From, The Economy!)


Grinity this is great! At Christmas we were told via several school sources that DS6 was constantly discussing the "Santa myth" with his fellow classmates. He was very disturbed that his friends bought into the "lie". We were asked to please discuss this with him. The Economy is a whole 'nother thread.

I agree 100% with let kids be kids. But when your kid's interests are philosophical, deep conversations about existence, life, science, evolution, economics, etc, isn't fostering that letting them be a kid? I mean the same people then turn around and "accuse" your child as being immature. "If they are so 'gifted' as you say, then why can't they sit still?" And I love the Bill Engval "Here's your sign" comment. ROFLMAO

Oooh, I have that dream too!

Hi JJsmom,
Is your DS5 a perfectionist?

I cannot believe a teacher said this!!
Wow that is crazy.
And this teacher never thought the kid is BORED out of her mind!

How about turning it around on them, especially for us who were those "smart kids" ---

"Oh yeah? Well, while your turning 50, I'll still be in my 30s!" :P

Frankly I don't how you all deal with it day to day. From reading all the posts my dd is bright but not in same league as many of the kids on the board. They must need so much more than they're getting. I flat out told my dd's teacher that I was not going to fight with my kid about doing her work quickly anymore. It is just causing too much stress and anxiety. I guess we all have our good days and our bad days. This board is very helpful in letting out some of the frustration in a safe environment.

..and neato, "some days a lay off would be welcome news just so long as I have enough cash stuffed under my mattress!"

Start stuffin', my friend. Hopefully you don't get laid off, but instead, take a *sabbatical*!!!!

Oooh, this is the worst. He is being the kid he is! To deny him the opportunity to explore what he loves, in favor of what others deem "age-appropriate," would be cruel. If he wants to read another tornado book instead of a beginning reader, who I am to stop that?

My favorite was when, at one of our many (in the end, pointless) meetings with the principal, K teacher and gifted teacher at ds6's public K, the principal made some comment like, "Well, he's only 5." And I replied, "Yes, but this is *his* 5, and we'd like to meet him where he's at."

Didn't work, but I still thought it was snappy.

It's almost worse, though, when people start asking questions about how you *made* learn. "Now really, how did you make him do that?" asked one uncle, after ds did a bunch of serial double-digit additions. Ds-then-5 was (unasked) keeping a running score for a game of peanut toss.

Or, last week, we stopped by ds6's old Montessori preschool to visit his teachers. One teacher was reading with a little girl, and finished the book; the teacher wasn't reading another story. The girl was probably an old 4/early 5, but was definitely bigger than ds. She had already chosen another book. She looked sad, and ds6 said, shyly, "I'll read it for you." They sat down and started to read.

Presently the little girl's mother arrived to pick him up; ds was reading to the attentive little girl. The mom smiled as she watched them, then listened. Then she looked at me.

"He's really good ... what grade is he in?"

"First," I said.

"Oh!" Then, "Do you work a lot with him at home?"

"Oh, no," I said. "He's just like that."

The mom looked very disappointed. LOL -- she doesn't know what she's missing!

I can see him doing that Mia! He is so, so, sweet.

I'm with you; I can't stand that one!

I agree that statement clearly indicates that the person saying it has absolutely no clue about your kid.

He is 6 now?

My ds, tracey? Yes, he's 6 now, he'll be 7 in May.

That last post I didn't write today STRANGE!

These ones remind me of the positive saying. that putting children into grades at school according to their age, is as wise as putting them in grades according to their shoe size....!

Perhaps they should also change the law from being allowed to get a driver's license at 16 to an IQ test/personality profile... I am convinced that 1/2 of the population would fail... IMHO *wicked smirk*

How ridiculous. Not having a driver's license when your classmates do is supposed to be a lot worse than daily boredom, intellectual loneliness, and daily immersion with people not on your wavelength? Inane. I'm with you.

I think i'd respond to the driver license argument like this:

"Well, when I was young in my class in hs, I just had my older boyfriends drive me around."

Sorry, just logging on today after being too darn busy, but yes. He is. Most of his meltdowns are due to this.

And DS5 likes older women, so that will work for him... haha.

I can relate big time! His therapist said he will never be ok w/something 50% off but to try to come down from 100% to say 95 or 90%. A great example she gave was w/coloring. He never would color because he can't do it perfect. So she said when he colors tell him he is allowed to go outside the lines 5 times, then see if he goes for outside the line 10 times. This actually worked. But everyday stuff is a lot harder to figure out how to go from 100% to 95%.