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Wow - that's great! I might have to use your DS's meltdown advice on my DS. Yes, i do try to aknowledge that he's feeling disappointed or sad or whatever, but that wasn't working today.

Oh I didn't mean you personally SPG! Sometimes the "lava flow" is just too great here too and I can't say anything that doesn't make it worse. Now that I know he can relate his feelings to a volcano I will be using it as a barometer when I see him getting worked up and hopefully start heading off the meltdowns. Will need to brush up on my volcano jargon as he knows way about this topic than me.

We have found the key to meltdowns is to find out what caused it. In the beginning this was really hard, because it's hard to explain things in the middle of a "hissy fit". But we've gotten better at translating between sobs.... As soon as I rectify the problem or explain why it can't be fixed, DS seems ok with that.

He is something of a control freak and situations that are out of his control are the hardest for him, generally causing the biggest blow.

It is the Volcano Explosivity index (VEI ).

Check it out.

http://www.sizes.com/units/volcanic_explosivity_index.htm

You could do a spoof on it with tantrums!!

I tried something from one of the books recommended on this site...it worked great to tame some of the tantrums...

Make 2 lines marked 1 thru 10.

On one line, label ways to handle anger/disappointment from quiet sadness (#1), to full blown tantrums at the 10 mark.

On the other line, label some common life problems from something like brother takes your toy(#1) to losing your home/someone you love (#10).

Now, discuss with the child some of their recent problems and where they fall on the problem line. Most will come out as a 1 or 2 level problem. Now, show the child their reactions on the second line. Most will come out a 9 or 10.

My son was shocked when he saw his emotions were so out of whack with his responses. Now, when the emotions start to flow, I ask him to rate his problem, and he automatically starts thinking about the level of reaction he should have. It sounds kind of crazy, but it's been working.

Can't remember what book it was in or I would give the author credit.

I have to agree with the raising little lawyers comment.....my DS6 could talk his way out of anything. The other day he was running around the house and we had some music on in the background...he banged into a chair and started bumping it around and banged it into the wall. My husband said to stop banging the chair into the wall. My son's response was that the chair was dancing. My husband responded that chairs don't dance into walls and son's response so matter-of-factly was "duh daddy, this chair obviously doesn't have any eyes, so it can't see the wall." I mean how can you argue with that?