Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advocating for my niece

Removed

That's a lot of 19s!
One possibility is for her to take the SATs now, as a 13 year old 8th grader. That might open up a few eyes.

With the parents, I would first try to get a look at the IQ test and see is she qualifies for YSP. (I know the numbers are a bit old, but this is a bad situation) If she does, then maybe you can sell them on 'free advice' for underachieving kids.

If you can get them to a Ruf lecture, that would be ideal.

If not, I would point out that she has been in the gifted program all through elementary school, and they don't let everyone in there, and the challenge is to turn potential into achievement.

Are there any famous underachieving family memebers that you can bring up? Maybe you can try the angle that you agree that she does need to learn to function with deadlines, and tolerate a certian level of 'unfun' but that 'poor fit' may be preventing her from having a chance to learn at her readiness level.

Summer programs can help a kid in this situation quite a bit. I imagine that being surrounded by other like-minded kids who enjoy learning for learning's sake must be wonderful.

If nothing else works, just be there for her, and ask her what her goals are. Read: 'what high schools won't tell you' and ask her to also, so together you two can start planning a journey to college and adulthood. Maybe her parents would enjoy the book's achievement orrientation as well. You can take trips to colleges together. I think that at this age, the name of the game is 'Motivation.' What would motivate her?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

CFK your niece sounds a lot like me at that age, and her parents like mine. No-one advocated and the result wasn't pretty. Actually it was really ugly for a long time.

She's lucky to have you on her side - are there any other adult or older teenage mentors you can call in too? It's so important to be around like-minded people to develop a healthy sense of personal context, and much easier to open channels of communication along which wise advice can be imparted. The parent-child relationship can be difficult, especially when judgements are already being made. I still remember it well.

If you don't have any luck with her preferred outcomes, can you coach her on different approaches she might be able to take with teachers? (assuming you can't do this yourself as 'only' an aunt) Eg propose different assessment mechanisms that she might find more interesting. Does the school have any ties to nearby universities that she could benefit from?

I really hope you have some luck. School at the moment probably isn't relevant to what she's interested in and what she can do, but it's so very relevant to setting yourself up for a path through life that will be interesting and rewarding.

Here are my suggestions of books that might sway her parents;

�The Myth of Laziness� by Mel Levine, M.D.

�Right Brained Children in a Left-Brained World� by Jeffrey Freed, M.A.T. and Laurie Parsons

�Coloring Outside the Lines� by Roger Schank, Ph. D.

If private school is a financial option, you may consider requesting information be sent to their home. Often you can do this right on the website.

My nephew is in a similar situation. His ITBS scores are quite high and he earns all As (currently in 4th grade). His parents dismiss the gripes of other parents that his current, fun and popular teacher lacks rigor in the classroom. I�m also concerned that under-achievement will begin in middle school since he doesn�t seem to think school work is worthwhile.