Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Any suggestions appreciated for behavioral issues.

Glad it was a good day, JB--we've been thinking of you.

minnie

Mia wrote:
un-afterschooling
Yes! I love it. That's what we do, too.

Thanks Mia.

We're using both a carrot & stick approach right now. The carrot is doing something fun/education this weekend (taking the train to downtown Philly). The stick is usually loosing privileges (restriction from toys), then loosing "crafts", then doing chores. Pretty strict about it...

Yesterday ended up being the best day in a long, long time. This morning started out good, but I got a text message a while ago from DW and it sounds like things turned South...

JB

JB,
I believe that all behavior is just a form of communication - he's telling you something. I'd guess it's frustration. But the question is with what. My son was a lot like yours. Behaviors resolved with changes in his educational programming. But we still don't have that right and behaviors still crop up. And new ones emerge as we deal with new issues. For us the recent concern has been more in terms of his friends or, I should say, lack thereof. I think our son is acting out more lately due to his sense of not belonging.

I do also think that the behaviors you are seeing are more typical of a 6 year old who is gifted. My step daughter was just visiting with us (half sister to MrWiggly). She hadn't seen him in 18 months. She commented twice on how he seemed like "a little teenager" and noted his sarcasm, talking back and such as being much older than she expected him to act. I felt validated when she brought it up on her own as this is what my DH and I have felt about him for a long time! I think the "teenager in a 6-7 year old body" is a common phenomena in gifted boys!

Yes! This line of thinking makes a lot of sense to me, Mia. Sometimes, no matter hard we try, we can't create an optimal school situation for our kids. But we can teach them more adaptable ways of showing their frustration. And that means consequences for showing any disrespect (the "battle" I pick with my kids) to other people. We can teach them this while still having empathy for them in their school situation.

I got more details on what happened today. The bad news was that the teenage-trapped-in-a-6yo-body (yes, this is what it feels like) surfaced this morning during breakfast. The good news is that he had a pretty good mental reset before heading to school. He came home with an excellent behavior report (yay). He did have a fit this evening, but we were able to adjust.

I am now pretty convinced that we're in one of these intellectual/emotional growth spurts. During dinner we happened to get into some pretty advanced math topics really, really quickly and he was totally digging it (he explained the concept of communicative principal of multiplication to me...!). So we just un-afterschooled! :-)

JB

An intellectual growth spurt matched by lack of challenge at school can make for a doozy of a behavior problem. Imagine a rapidly growing kid who is not being fed...

I have a strong feeling that that might be what's up!

Yay, un-afterschooling!:)

We can teach them to behave, and if we are 'super sharp' in the parenting department, we will probably get the symptoms to dissapear, and this is a good thing, except that then we lose our feedback mechanism, and if Gifted Denial is at work, we can do damage without really noticing. This is a perfectly ordinary occurance and it happens all the time. Many of us parents are also 'Intense, Thoughtful, Determined, and Sensitive' so if we make up our minds to do a behavior intervention, there is a good chance that it will work to some degree.

Actually I don't think we have to show them that we have empathy for the school situation. I think we need to find a way to change it, and yes Advocacy takes a long time in 'kid-years.' But every small victory helps so much. Afterschool activities and Saturday programs work well for some kid, particularly if they are truly similar in LOG to the other kids in that particular program (favors MG kids) and if they have lots of energy.

((shrugs)) and more ((shrugs))
Grinity

Totally what my kid is going through - SO Glad I am not the only one!! Mine is turning six next week! My current solution is to use the word NOW when things have to be a command after asking nicely once or twice. He resopnds to that - or counting to 3 still works from when he was a toddler.

Does anyone else have a child that has always picked a choice that wasn't even on the original list of approved choices? That's my kid.

Other solution: "I've given you my answer. My answer is not going to change. We are not discussing it anymore." Unfortunately - this has now been used against me when things are not going his way - and he tells me, he is not discussing it with me anymore (!) (I try not to laugh).

Can't wait to hear if they make changes at the school and whether this helps. I'm in totally the same boat - even AFTER having an intervention team try to help all the teachers and cafeteria workers get ot know him and his antics at the start of the school year.

Hang in there!