Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do you ever get to relax?

Might sound like a dumb question, but do you ever get to relax with these kids?

My DS6 is fortunate enough to be in a school program that is perfect for him. Although he is listed as a Kindergartener, his program is fully accelerated. He spends most of his day in 3rd-5th grade classes. He is only with the K's for lunch, recess and music. So how come instead of enjoying it, I find myself worrying furiously about next year?

What happens next year when he needs middle school classes? and the year after that, and the year after that?! See what i'm getting at?

LOL! I do see where you are coming from and I think it does get a bit easier as they get older. Although if you've read my recent posts, things are better than they were 2 years ago but still not rosy atm.
I think I worry about tomorrow, but I plan for next month. I'm finding that talking to the adults involved when things are going well about how to go forward seems to work better for us. When things are going well, the school team is more relaxed and willing to look outside the box for innovative solutions. Instead of a defensive or accusatory meeting, we generally have laid back brain storming planning sessions.

If you haven't talked to the school about their plans, it might be a good time to set up a meeting. They might surprise you with some of the ideas they are already working on. there is no sense worrying over something that is already being covered imo On the otherhand, if in the meeting you find out that they are not going to be able to continue to meet your son's needs, now is a good time to find out rather than in 6-8 months when everything falls apart. It gives you time to consider other options or work with them to solve the problems.

But I really do know what you mean, I'm not sure I ever really relax about DS's school placement, but I feel like it is more of a roller coaster with highs and lows.

Short answer: not yet! Maybe when they hit college? (Depending on how early that is, I guess...)

a) You must relax. Like the Human Heart, you rest 'between beats.' It's a skill, you can learn it, then you get to teach it!

b) Don't worry alone. When you are alone, and the worries come, remind yourself that you have decided NOT to worry alone, then get busy with some other engaging task. Come here and worry were it will do everyone some good. People still think that they are the only one...

c) One can't know what next year will bring. He may be able to repeat 5th grade a few times, being given special assignments, particularly if the teachers are lovely. You must unplug yourself from the expectation that you will be able to figure it out in advance. Study up on what others have done, get resource. You goal is to have a range of options at your fingertips and then pick the 'least-worst' one at the time. Partial Homeschooling may be an option. For all you know, next years Kindergarden class may contain a child who has an even higher LOG than your son, and the school may decide to place them together for independent study. Ok, it's unlikely, but the school will be scrambling to figure something out. Perhaps a few current 4th graders are ready for 6th grade material in certian subjects, and the school will start a cluster for them to do 6th grade material in 5th grade. Some years your son may decide to spend lots of his time with agemates and a terrific teacher. Rejoice in what is today. I like to think that there is a Higher Power who has a plan, because I certainly don't have one - I do the legwork to develop options and pray over the rest.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Oh Grinity - I love the idea of letting go, relaxing, being confident in my decisions, sharing my worry with others but...

I had a real shock this week. We've all completely de-stressed over the holidays. Everyone's anxiety has been reduced. No stress; no panic attacks. It's been really blissful. And we're all enjoying school work again. Lots and lots of reading and writing, etc. BUT... I had booked in some achievement testing for Miss 4 yesterday and just talking about school and thinking about acceleration again, etc. and up, up, up went my stress levels. I thought I had a handle on things but nope it was like an automatic trigger *groan*

And I've got a group of lovely women around me with gifted children but sometimes we pull each other up and sometimes we pull each other down. I need some serious personal boundary exercises!!!!!

And how is it that Miss 7 can completely forget her timestables in just 3 weeks!!??!! She's going for her year 3 maths test tomorrow and her mental maths is completely out the window. Where did it go? How can I get it back? And where's the glue???

*sigh*

jojo (aka miss worry wort...)

Not worrying it easier than it sounds!!
But, with our crew we are still at the point of not even being able to physically relax - it helps take your mind off things
Dd2.5 and Ds8 are both still very very active.
DD is the one where we're beginning to worry about what to do if she totally outstrips the usual curriculum, but we've got a while, so that is such a good thing!

Hi Jojo,
I don't think I said anything about being confident in one's decisions. It's more a certianty that 'right or wrong' worrying won't help, so I'll train myself not to. You really, really, really are the only being who has any power over where your mind goes. Which is why it's important NOT to stop worrying, just to stop worrying alone.

Of course it's not like you make a decision against worry 'once and for all' - you will have to make the decision to put your mind in a more productive place 'over and over and over' again, as I do when I get any communication from the school. I don't know if it's an exaggeration to say that we have PTSD over our kids schools, but there is at least a grain of truth there. And even so, when you notice your fear return, decide again, 'This is MY life, I choose where to put my thoughts.' Then quickly change the subject.

Now I've got a much higher processing speed than I do working memory, so I think this might be easier for me, but I really do believe that with practice, you will get the hang of it. Pray if it suits you, meditate, journal, walk outside, talk to IRL friends, type here, excersise, have a favorite video with the kids, help others, go to 12 step meeting, or one of Flylady's 27 Fling Boogies or anything at all. Make a list to have on hand of stuff you can do with or without kids that is also nurturing.

You set the emotional tone for the kids, so when you are 'out the window' they may be acting out and harder to deal with. Be the leader, and you will teach them life skills. You Can do it.

As for the times tables, I forget them within 3 weeks whenever I learn too! Has she forgotten them all or just the worst few facts? Try asking her the 2's table and cheering loudly. I think that that sort of learning is like tracing a word with wrinkles in some interesting fabric. The first time to learn it, it stays there until you stop using it, and then the fabric dewrinkles and appears to return to normal, but something invisiblle has changes, so that when you retrace the word, the wrinkes return more quickly and stays a little longer. This cycle continues until one reaches the point were it really sticks, which is why I can go away on vacation and return still able to do my job, even though the talky part of my brain assures me that I will mess it up.

I'm still thinking about your lovely women. Do you always meet as a pack, or sometimes 1 or 1 also? Social groups are tough.

Smiles,
Grinity

Lovely! Exactly what I was thinking.
Grins

I suspect I was the one talking about confidence, on that other thread that's related to this one in many ways. Maybe that's how that crept in? (Maybe not, but it sounds right...)

I just meant that sometimes it's easier to remind yourself that you do, indeed, know better for your child than some random stranger does, and then go from there. It's an easier approach for me personally than the "just not worrying about it" approach, since then I start worrying about if I'm worrying too much... Grinity is absolutely right, I think, that it all amounts to the same thing: you really just have to find *some* way to stop worrying!

FWIW, I am a big believer in making decisions based on minimizing future regret. If I have done my best to come up with the best choice for my child, then that's all I can do. My choices may (will!) not be perfect, but if it was the best I could do given the info I had at the time, and if I really analyzed the info I had and thought it through, then I can't blame myself if I make an honest mistake. We're only human, and we cannot possibly know all there is to know.

That strategy has made a huge difference in how I feel. It hasn't really made a difference in the actual choices themselves, but it has made me feel much better about making them and about any problems we encounter after we have made them.

I think some of it is about giving yourself permission to not be perfect. This does that for me. My best is all I can give, and I've decided to be okay with that. <shrug> It helps me, and maybe it will help you?

Mine keep my busy. I relax when they are playing with each other(two sisters) and when they are sleeping.