Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Why do our kids deserve a real education?

How about buying local food when possible, and eating less 'out of season' fruits and vegtables?

I think there's a world of difference between working to improve things (even if it's just a tiny local improvement) and feeling entitled.

The first is almost always a net "good", even if only for very few people... but of course should be approached with an eye toward not taking away from anyone else in the process, and with possibly expanding the list of beneficiaries. But as others have said, it wouldn't do anyone else any good to forego that benefit, even for that one child.

Feeling entitled, or taking whatever you can grab, is another matter altogether. Even though we're homeschooling, DS's education isn't absolutely a perfect fit all the time. Not because I don't care, but because there are always tradeoffs... and I don't think he needs to expect that everyone accomodates him, or even that his mom always accomodates him. Sometimes (especially in a group situation), the lesson needs to take other factors into account and he needs to suck it up. Sometimes the lesson is, "You're on a team and you need to work with everyone, even if you really find them difficult." And sometimes we let a little efficiency go in our own lessons because we can share them with others. None of that is really affecting the overall quality of his education -- he might not enjoy every single minute of every single day, but he's not miserable, or stagnating, or losing his spark.

I think a lot of it can come down to distinguishing needs from wants... A kid needs to be educated (not miserable, not stagnating) but doesn't need to have every little thing suited to him alone just because he wants it. And I suspect that a kid whose needs are being met can gain the perspective that wants can be sacrificed for the greater good... but that a kid who is constantly asked to sacrifice his needs is going to be resentful and miss that lesson... and not have the emotional energy to deal with rare occasions of needing more than he gets.

Bringing it back to the food analogy, every child needs to be fed (and starving your own doesn't help anyone else), but if what we have is a pb&j and you really wanted chicken nuggets, well that's just too bad. A child needs to be fed healthy meals, but he doesn't need to love every single one of them.

Perhaps volunteering at the school, as has been suggested here, would help w/ any guilt one may be feeling over asking for accommodations for DC. Freeing up the teacher's time can be a big help. Also, the year I taught science in DS's 2nd grade class on a semi-regular basis, I was kept privy to the goings on by the teacher - like when the testing would occur etc when none of the other parents were notified. But this year, w/ DD22mths, I'm not able to do that so I really feel disconnected. Also, the school really discourages siblings on campus at all (teacher has made an exception for the Christmas party as she stated all family members are invited) so for those w/ younger siblings, it can be difficult to volunteer at the school. HOwever, the year I was on bedrest and couldn't be at the school, I volunteered to help the Art teacher. She would send home projects for me to do, and I would send it back with him. For ex: I made the invitations for the Art night (I put them together ie gluing and cutting).

My friend spent time helping the teacher by working individually w/ kids (3rd grade) on poems they were writing for about 2hrs. The teacher was so appreciative, telling her there was no way she'd be able to get it all done, that she hugged my friend as she was leaving!

My take on this is a bit different:

As a gifted child myself, I found that I was less prepared for University than most children around me. Why? Because I didn't have to work at anything, never learned study skills, and still succeeded. Most other children my age knew how to do the vital self-learning things that help you succeed in hard environments.

In this manner, I did not learn some of the most fundamental skills that the schools are supposed to teach.

I see my gifted child and I want him to learn the important fundamentals that school teaches other children. In order for him to learn that, he has to be in a place where he struggles just enough that he can make it if he works at it. In doing so, he gets an equal opportunity to learn some important life skills that many kids in his grade have already begun to learn.

I've also put him into an environmental charter school to ensure he learns about the planet around him and how to help save it.:) I guess that allays my guilt at pushing for his education.

Lya

I could quote this whole post because I think it's all right on the mark. But I really like the "needs vs. wants" take here. I think that's so key! Thanks for posting that, Erica.

MON-
We have nearly identical school choices here and we have opted for B. The private school Ds attends is designed perfectly for MG kids... too bad he's above their typical range. They expect him to slow a bit to wait for others. I hope that teacher by teacher, we can make changes. Considering the huge expense of the school, they do an amazing job of teaching social justice and the world around us. Their school has an adopted school in Rwanda and they each have penpals. Last year the parents paid for the school principal in Rwanda to come here for 3 weeks and for 10 of our high school kids to go there and teach and tutor. It is a beautiful and enriching experience that doesn't come too many other places.

As to your original question- I truly believe that every time I advocate for my son, I am advocating for EVERY child. Each child deserves a teacher who sees them for who they are and believes in their inner potential, whatever that potential is. I'm not asking for the best for my son at the risk of denying others. I'm asking for the best for everyone, a higher expectation of quality education that meets each child's individual needs. I just happen to know the proper words and terms to get a meeting.

As for volunteering, I spend a lot of time at our local food bank tutoring high school girls who have children. I give them a bit of hope and a lot of english language every week. They're not my son but they deserve the opportunity to try to make it too.

I came back from volunteering in my DD's 1st grade class and have mixed feelings as usual. There are children struggling with reading and I want to bring them home for intensive tutoring. CA estimates the number of prisons that need to be built based on children who can't read. So I feel responsible to do something more for the children who are struggling.

At the same time I see children getting the opportunity to stretch and grow at school that gifted children don't seem to get. Luckily I'm able to provide opportunities for my DD to stretch and grow outside of school but what about the children of gifted parents who don't have the extra time or money? I feel responsible to do more for the children who are under challenged.

The two responsibilities are intertwined but so often it's presented as a choice between one group or the other. Hopefully we'll find creative solutions that allow us to meet both responsibilities instead of having to choose. It's encouraging to know so many bright minds are thinking about this.

CAMom What are the proper words and terms to get a meeting?

Inky-
In my case it helped to drop ADHD into the conversation a lot without putting any other clarifications. "I believe we should get together to discuss his ADHD like behavior. I understand that having a child with ADHD can be difficult in your class." Notice I didn't say MY child had ADHD :-) I've had good luck getting meetings with things like "help make sure that you have the support you need to do your job- teaching in this day and age is very complex!" Now... let's be fair- I've had a lot of meetings with very little results. But at least I got some meetings!

In public school you can also throw around things like "free and appropriate education" because although the FAPE standard doesn't apply to gifted education in general, those setting the calendar usually don't know that! I also scored a meeting with the head of our public district by saying "I know that your test scores are very important to you and I believe our goals are the same in that aspect." Bing- the magic word of raising your test scores!

There are many ways to look at this. One way is that whether this is about equal opportunity or equal outcome. If we strive for equal outcome (which I think will be very bad for the society), it will be a different story. But if we believe in equal opportunities, then every kid needs to be challenged to fully develop their potentials. In this sense you are not asking for the moon for your DD, you are asking for academic challenge, which many kids do get in our public school system. It doesn't mean that your DD is the only one you care, but you are likely to be the one who she can rely on the most.