Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy least controversial explanation...

So I'm finally out of the closet, as our school released class lists for 2009 today. I thought I was better prepared, but I'm going thru my weekly/daily/hourly crisis about whether grade skipping is appropriate for both of my girls *cringe* What is the LEAST controversial way of explaining why we may be grade skipping next year? (-- or is that like trying to tell your parents that you may be sort of pregnant??!!)

jojo

Sorry I don't know the back story on the grade skip, but I thought this was a fun way to explain it:

"The school really recommended it strongly."



Good luck with the skip~

Yes, I think it pays to remember that any sort of educational "weirdness" on your part is a lot more important to you than it is to anyone else. The more matter-of-fact and comfortable you can be, the better. If you seem defensive, you invite them to go on the offensive, which you do NOT need. If you can perfect your casual shrug, you'll be fine.

I think it's Grinity who recommends practicing your answer in front of the mirror until it feels casual and easy to give. (Or was that you, Dottie? My memory is so rotten...) Regardless of who said it, I think it's great advice!

We had the same sort of problem with giving a response about why we were homeschooling, and my usual answer is to say, "Well," and then lower my voice to say, "he's pretty bright," and then back up to normal volume to deliver "and he just couldn't get what he needed there."

That's it.

No blame. No grandstanding. No further explanation. Just honesty delivered as simply and subtly as possible. The lowered voice and use of the phrase "pretty bright" seems to communicate to people that this isn't something you're bragging about or making much of.

You could do the same sort of thing with grade-skipping, only change the end to "and he just couldn't get what he needed in Xth grade." Parents understand the importance of giving kids what they need, and it shows that you considered well the "normal" way first, that you aren't one of "those" parents. (Whoever "they" are...)

But mostly, be relaxed and casual about whatever you say. Your attitude matters more than any words you say, I think.

HTH!

All good answers.

Practice, Practice, Practice. It's really ok to do!

And remember, whatever you are saying, pretend that your kids can hear you, and will be looking for clues to your 'true feelings.' (Must hide thoses sometimes!)

My favorite was -
'It seemed a better fit for him.'

and my other was: 'He's the kind of kid who needs to 'carry big rocks.'

Either followed by a quick change of subject. Most people just nodded sagely, no idea what they were thinking on the inside.

This reminds me of a dinner party we were at far from home, with my DS way away in another part of the house.

DH said: 'He had so little to do in 4th grade that he bacame a distraction to the kids around him. They kept moving his seat from child to child. He kept right on distracting them. Then when they ran out of 4th graders, they just moved his seat to a 5th grade classroom.'

Not exactly truthful, but a great summary of the feeling of the experience.

Smiles,
Grinity

LOL!!! I like that answer!

And I will KIV the "better fit" one for future use!

I like "fit," too. It goes with the notion of need, I think. Come at it from that general angle, and I don't think you'll go far wrong.

Thanks guys. I think the word "fit" is really good and I'm arming myself with that one for today's Orientation. I literally ran out of school yesterday, dodging anti-acceleration parents on the way in and out of the carpark. We've only got 1 week of school before we break for our long summer holidays, but I don't want to spend the rest of the week hiding in closets. My friend and HB both tell me that my height and my steely poker face mean that no-one will be game enough to challenge me. I hope they're right because underneath my confident facade is a real scaredy mouse!!!!

Who knows? Perhaps it wont be so bad??? jojo

You know Dottie, some people were actually quite clueless (!) Only 2 people have asked me directly so far, although I've dodged most of the anti-acceleration parents deliberately. I think most people were asking out of curiosity rather than anything else. One assumed that she was much older than she was and that's why she was going into the year 1-2 class. And I stuck to the "looking for the best fit" line, but also that I was so grateful to be at a small and safe inclusive community school that allowed us the time and space to find the right niche for our girls! Funny, but no-one asked any more questions after that!!!!

I know there's some tough conversations to come and that I haven't faced the full brunt of some parents, but I did survive this morning. Still alive (although desperately needing a massage)... jojo

There are definitely going to be two sets of people--those who will think you're crazy for skipping your child and those who are ambivalent. You are not going to convince the first group otherwise, so don't bother. You don't have to defend yourself to anyone, and remember it's none of their business, but if they specifically ask, keep it simple.

I know that I totally blew the first time that I was asked about our DS. It was in the beginning of the year and DS was invited to a b-day party. One of the kids announced that DS hadn't gone to K and of course the parents started asking me questions. Of course one of the moms there had her older DDs (or something like that) already in the GT program. They were surprised, and I probably could have handled it a bit better. I just stuttered and stammered through it. After a few minutes they were on to other things.

JB

Late to pipe in, but hoping to show a little support! I agree with the above comments, it does sometimes feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, doesn't it?

I know it' feels a little nailbitingish, but it does sound like it's going pretty smoothly so far.

And if you REALLY run up against a tough comment and are at a loss for words, I think you should just quote Whitney Houston:

WARNING: THIS LINK CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN!


The ultimate resonse to negative viewpoints concerning acceleration

There you go, a little early Christmas cheer from you pal Incogneato.

LOL! Ah, the greatest love of all! :p

Yes, there have been times that I laughed when I should have yelled because that image popped into my head!

It's a good thing.

very funny, neato! I wonder if I should practice that one in the mirror. Whitney does it so well!

(How rude of me - didn't read the whole post. Jojo - i'm afraid i don't have any good advice, but i like what the others said about good fit. Please keep us updated on how things go.)

Thanks guys I'll try remembering that Whitney moment. Holidays starting really soon - only 1 week to go. Perhaps we'll even wag a few days... jojo