Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Adults who were accelerated themselves?

Hi...I've got to be thinking new solutions for my ds6, who's completely melting down in his first grade class. It sounds as if a lot of you are happy with your kids' grade skips. My family and friends seem to have had a different experience, so the idea makes me awfully nervous. I know this is anecdotal, and very likely an accident of the people I know. So I would love to hear from people who were grade skipped themselves, especially people who were happy about it. Looking back, what were the pros and cons? Things you wish had been done differently? Ages at which it worked better or worse for you (particularly what puberty was like, how much that mattered)? I'd appreciate anything anyone's willing to share, to broaden my perspective on acceleration as I try to figure out what to do/ask for with my son.

thank you!

I only have a few seconds and I have chimed in before. I am one those who was skipped and did not like it. The skip occured because my 1st grade teacher did not want to deal with a child who could already read. My parents were given veto power and they did not veto it. I was not seriously consulted. I had very good friends in my class and was very happy in my where I was. I did not understand the ramifications of the skip and accepted the offer only because I was flattered. As I said, it did not go well for me.

In retrospect, had I been unhappy with my class placement (which may have happened had I stayed with the class longer), had the skip been a move made for my sake rather than the convenience of the teacher, had there been preparation, monitoring, and support through the process, it might have gone differently.

We accelerated our son this year and it was not really what we wanted. He skipped 2nd this year.

My family and some friends said.... don't do it! We really didn't want to, but the alternative was far worst. Having him sit through 2nd grade with kids who need the class to go slower then normal. His school and our district is behind the national average, the kids don't score as well on the standardized tests..... our district was ranked 48th in the region out of a possible 50. We are in one of the largest districts in the area.

He works on a 5th grade level fairly consistently. The school was not able to offer any plan for 2nd grade.

Out of all the options, it was the least- worst.

But if the school could have come up with a plan.... we wouldn't have done it. If there was some promise that he would be in a better position.... we would have left him there. But there was nothing.

So - we skipped him. And it is not perfect, we aren't thrilled. And I question whether we did the right thing...... But I do know it is somewhat more challenging. Socially it's not good. He doesn't really like most of the kids. There are a few kids he gets along with, but for the most part it isn't a great situation.

We are looking at a private school and if it all works out, it won't be perfect.... but I have decided to stop second guessing myself, and go with what's in my gut. At least the kids at the private school will be more like my son, ahead of the game. But if we move him there there are not guarantees it will work out.

There is no perfect answer. If it doesn't work well keep looking till we find something.

I skipped two grades, Kindergarten and 5th. I didn't mind being younger than my classmates and in retrospect it was probably a better choice than remaining with my age peers. I graduated valedictorian and started college at 16.

My sister skipped a grade but had a harder time. One difference is that my skips were into new schools but her skip was at the same school.

I'm looking at grade skipping/early entrance for my daughters. I see it as a "least bad option." I'll try to do it so it happens with a transition to a new school.

I was placed with agemates all through grade school. I felt like a freak, my self-esteem was terrible. When we moved, I had an opportunity to skip 7th grade and attend a GT school. I was afraid and reluctant to do it, but my parents had me test anyway.

I was accepted and attended that school for three years until we had to move again. It was the best thing that happened to me until college

After our second move, I went to a regular public highschool. There were a few snafus with getting proper class placements, but I was only there for two years.

My DS was accelerated from PreK to K (private school) when he turned 4. It didn't work out well because the teacher sabotaged the skip. He went to K again at the public school and was accelerated to 1st in the spring with excellent results. He is now happily attending 2nd grade.

From my experience, I would say that it is crucial to consider the circumstances that the child will be skipping into. What is that group of kids like? What are the teachers' attitudes? What will the curriculum be like? The initial months of a skip are an important adjustment period. If all goes well, the child will feel successful in his classwork, and accepted by the teacher and other students.

In 7th grade, I marched into my counselor's office and demanded class-by-class acceleration.

I was much happier. I was a social pariah before AND after, but I did make friends in both grades and had a great time.

I did not plan for what do at when I ran out of class. I took lots of electives sr year!

bk1

Thanks for this thread, montana. We're dealing with the same issue right now with our DD. I have a few friends who were skipped and they say it wasn't a great experience for them, mainly once they reached high school. Both of them feel being younger contributed to them making poor decisions and giving in to social pressure. That's just how they feel, though.

I wasn't skipped and neither was my DH, though he definitely should have been and I probably should have been. He was given math textbooks to work through alone in middle school, and he was pretty miserable until he got to high school coursework. I never learned any work ethic and definitely went "underground" until college and law school, though AP classes did perk me up quite a bit in high school.

Our DD6 doesn't seem to want to go to 2nd grade right now, mainly because she has a few friends in her 1st grade class and she's heard that there are fights in 2nd grade. She says it sounds scary. I will say, though, as you likely know, the research overwhelmingly supports acceleration as a good option for gifted kids. That's what's changed our minds. A little over a year ago we said that we'd never grade skip our kids; we should have known that in parenting, never say never. I had learned that principle about sippy cups, bedtimes, pull ups and other things. I guess we'd gotten too big for our parenting britches.

I'm interested to hear about others' experiences. Thanks for starting this thread.

Both my older sister and I skipped second grade.

It was truly, honestly never ever an issue for me. I was average sized, on the shorter size (I'm 5'3" as am adult), neither the shortest nor tallest before or after the skip. Age wasn't a problem -- the only time it really came up was in foreign language class (when we learned to say our ages) and occasionally at birthday time. I have a March birthday in a September cutoff state, so I was already young for grade, but it wasn't an issue. I had friends in my grade, and friends older than me, but kids in my "regular" grade seemed painfully young--I rarely ever socialized with kids in the grades below me.

I got my drivers license at the end of my junior year -- just got friends to drive me around until then. Went to college at 17 and had no problems there. I started dating at 15, as a sophomore, but was interested as a 13yo freshman. I don't think the skip had much effect on my behavior in that respect. I made my fair share of missteps like any teenager; I just had an extra year to make up for them.

In retrospect, I needed more acceleration, but the year I had certainly helped. I was much better placed after the skip than before. The teacher whose class I skipped into was against the idea to start but she quickly saw that I was ready for the move, and she changed her mind quickly.

I have a PG+ cousin who was given subject acceleration but no outright skips. He got to our state's flagship university and completely floundered -- he had no idea how to study, regulate his time, etc. In retrospect, he says, he'd rather have tried acceleration to try for more real peers, apripriate work, etc. That's an anecdote, but a real-live one.

Good luck. It's a completely individual call, and your milage may vary.

I was subject accelerated by 2 years in reading starting on my first day of K, though never given a full grade skip. It was a very good situation for me--though for kids with transition issues or who don't have a strong sense of self-confidence, it might not be something I'd recommend. For me, it wasn't perfect, but it was WAY better than doing nothing and staying at grade level. I do go back and forth about whether I would have done better if I had been grade skipped or if the subject acceleration was the best thing for me.

I was clearly marked as different, but that never bothered me. I had friends in my grade, the grade above me (because we shared recess time), and two grades up. I think I fit in pretty well everywhere. I graduated second in my class of 400+ in high school and went to dances and movies and ballgames, played sports, acted in plays, etc.

My biggest complaints with how things went are perfectionism-related: I think I defined myself by my achievements more than other people around me and I don't think I learned to work on things that are hard for me. The first really tough class I had was Advanced Math (pre-calc) during my junior year of high school. I got a B+ and verged into suicidal territory for the only time in my life. I felt lost--if I wasn't a straight-A student, then who was I? I don't think kids should feel that they = their report cards. Perfectionism at its worst...

I can't help wondering if a grade skip might have given me more chances for real challenge.

Finally, may I add that I think these anecdotes are really hard to use in any constructive way for your purposes, Montana. I mean, who's to say that the people who had lousy times with grades skips wouldn't have been *worse off* without them? Or that I wouldn't have been worse off if I *had* gotten a grade skip?

We don't have a good control there, really, because what works great for one kid is awful for another, and each kid only gets to try life one way. Pretty faulty hindsight there...and adolescence is generally a crummy experience for kids, skipped or no!

I think the best thing to do is look at the potential pitfalls and benefits to *YOUR* child in his specific situation--which is very different from the situation of anyone else!--regardless of all the stories. If the stories help you to think more clearly about your particular child's needs, then fine. But if they scare you away from a skip (or push you to skip, for that matter!) in a way that isn't directly relevant to your child's experience and, therefore, is not productive to your thought process, then I'd say drop it. Focus on your child and your decision. All the rest isn't really relevant, IMHO.

I skipped grade 4, in an organized acceleration. It was never an issue, I am a female and people say it is harder for boys. I do not know. I do not know any problems for the boys that skipped with me.

Although I didn't get a driver's license until grade twelve (june birthday), and had skipped another year in high school, that part didn't really bother me. I don't think I could have dealt with staying behind and having the curriculum slower. It was hard enough as it was. By grade nine I tested in the top tier of the high school in math. There wasn't any challenge. Teachers dealt with me in that I didn't have to come to class and I missed 56 days in grade nine (my history teacher kept track). Socially it probably is harder for a boy. But my mother wouldn't let me date until I was 16. And that was hard, but I dealt with it. It didn't scar me for life. And it won't scar a boy, except I do see a lot of nerdy "boys" who couldn't get the girl in high school have serious complexes. They make millions and have relationship issues.

That was anecdotal, but being a young woman on Wall Street, I dated a lot of those. There is one famous guy... tales out of school. But I think that is an issue for boys. They make money but never trust the girl likes them for them. I am being very serious about that. But I think that is better than having them underchallenged and underachieving.

Take your pick on the lessor of evils.

Ren

For me, the stories are helpful. I know they aren't studies...but the studies, by conflating the experiences of lots of different kids, can only give me an average idea of what happens in a skip. Supplementing the studies' general approval of grade skips for HG+ kids with stories about specific people's experience lets me try to think of ways that a skip might or might not work well for my specific child. And hearing about more people's experiences makes me feel less that I'm getting swayed by any one anecdote. Just hearing that studies support the skip makes me feel pushed to skip. Knowing the experiences of family members and close friends, who had what AmyEJ mentioned as problems of decision-making, makes me feel against skipping. The additional stories help me mediate that and decide what I think might be good for my son without feeling either pushed or rejecting without consideration. So I hope more people post - especially if there are stories about men's experiences. My husband tells me all the time that it's harder for a smart boy, and I can't really know what that's like. (though how he'd know what it's like for a smart girl to make the comparison....)

I mentioned my experience on another thread, but to have it here for people searching in future, I was subject-accelerated, mixed-age classroomed, independent studied, pulled out, mentored, talent-searched, and basically pretty happy. The older I got, the more my school let me do what I wanted. I was a comparatively late developer, and really hated that. I felt happier with my age mates and allowed to work independently than I did in classes with people two years older, b/c I felt too out of place socially to enjoy the instruction. (I am perhaps excessively socially oriented - too much thought for other people's opinions). If Hoagie's comparison chart is right, I'd have been an EG/PG kid. My last two years of high school I did not have great teaching in many subjects, but that had to do with the available teachers, not the grade I was at. Good teachers kept me challenged, poor ones didn't. I did a lot of things like AFS that took me out of school for months at a time. I kept myself busy with music, plays, sports, etc. I never dated anyone in my town/school, but I did date people I met at various activities in other towns (or states! which kept my social life pretty tame). I was different, but not picked on.

The pros were, I had time to really enjoy developing non-intellectual talents, as well as plenty of time to pursue my own writing and reading. I was with kids I felt more comfortable with. I did not develop my grade-skipped mother, BIL, and friends' apparently life-long social anxiety. I got into a very good college with scholarships and was happy with my activities, friendships, and general A- studenthood. I felt the activities I had time for helped me get into good colleges and have given me a happier, broader life.

The cons were, I definitely could have learned more and been better prepared for college...but I think that is likely rural school, not not-skipped. But it's true, that if there HAD been AP classes available, then being skipped would have let me take more, and then I could have taken more classes in college than I did. I did feel strongly I wished I could have had a fifth year of college b/c I was not 'done.' People who came to school testing out of language and full of APs had an advantage in college course flexibility. Probably it was unideal to have me spend so much time in classes just writing in my notebooks or reading something independently, though those two skills are central to my life now! It is also true that I did not have a challenge that required me to work consistently until my dissertation, and that being so hard made me tearful and self-doubting. I am career-stalled right now and unsure what direction I will take when the baby's a little older. It's possible that this stall and all the end of grad school misery would have been easier if I'd been working hard all along. Or, as this is all unknowable in what Kriston says about one life to live, maybe I'd have burned out long ago.

When I was around 6 or 7 I had some testing done. I don't know what the testing was. Nothing was shared with me, I just remember sitting in a room with this guy asking me questions and I remember that I was really hungry so he gave me a candy bar at one point.

The people involved in this school meeting strongly suggested that I be skipped from 2nd to 4th. I would be entering 2nd that fall. I was really small for my age and very shy. My parents decided to have me go to 2nd for social reasons.

By the time I hit puberty I was pretty much done with school. I used to skip school and sit in the book store so I could learn on my own. I really did not talk to my peers at all. I felt like I never learned anything in school. My parents were nice parents but did not do any enrichment or anything at home and always treated me like I was a little strange.

I did not know anything about GT kids untill a teacher in highschool gave me some articles, by then I was always in independent study which was reading random stuff and writing reports on it.

Now I have three children of my own and I am trying to figure out what to do as the school years get closer. I found out today that my husband had testing done too when he was little and the tester told him one of his scores was the highest he had seen. I am really thinking about having our kids tested, my husband is not sure it will make a difference.

My advise would be that parents have to be advocates for thier children. If things are not working change them. A grade skip might not be the perfect fit but it will be a change and give you more information about what works for your child. At least your child will know you are trying to help.

In retrospect I think I should have gone to 4th and then done secondary options around 14. The social part really was not an issue because I did not really relate to children my own age and found older peers anyway like my husband who was older.

sorry about the long post.

I started kindergarten at 4 (late birthday = October) because I had been reading for nearly two years. My parents made efforts to have me skip 5th, but the school was very much against it (used my late birthday as one reason) and so provided transportation to another school 1 or 2x/week for a fun enrichment class. Though I enjoyed the class quite a lot, I really wish I had been skipped.

In early elementary school, I enjoyed being "number 1" in all subjects in the classroom. Unfortunately, it didn't take me long to discover that I didn't need to put in much effort to maintain my status and still be No1. This lack of effort and attitude hurt me in high school and especially in college as I came to recognize that I didn't know how to study. Everything had always come so naturally in the past.

Our DS13 was offered a mid-year skip from 1st to 2nd. The teacher situation would have been awful, so we didn't do it. So, the next school year they were going to move him to 3rd instead of 2nd, and we (regretfully) decided not to do it for a number of reasons: others sharing horror stories about skipping, misguided info on skipping gifted kids, but mostly because we decided it wouldn't be a long-term solution. We were afraid that it would have only been a temporary fix and we'd end up needing to skip him again. So, we tested him for two competive private schools. They both wanted him. One said they'd start him in 3rd, the other started all their students a year late anyway, so we put him there in their 2nd grade class. Unfortunately, it was a very poor match. I ended up homeschooling him after the winter break.

Hindsight - we wish we would have kept him in the very good public school and skipped him into 3rd. When in 7th, his counselor recommended a skip to 9th, and the principal concurred. Unfortunately, the district rejected it completely and commented that that's why they have honors classes. It is frustrating.

We have learned to take each year as we go. Nothing is set in stone, and his input is very important. If he hadn't gotten "double-bumped" (two years ahead) in math, he had asked to be home-schooled or virtual schooled (and we would have started him in 9th.)

I learned from Dr. Rick Olenchek to listen and discuss with your kids the ramifications of their educational pursuits. What do they really want? You have to sift through some of the things they say, and you also have to understand them and their strengths and weaknesses.

I wish you the best of luck!! Sorry for the long post!

I definitely didn't mean to suggest that people shouldn't post, Montana. Sorry if it sounded like that!

By all means, post like mad, people, please!

P.S. I had a pretty significant post-grad school stall, too. I wonder if that's common for us "subject-accelerated, mixed-age classroomed, independent studied, pulled out, mentored, talent-searched, and basically pretty happy" kids when we grow up...

On the bright side, I finally figured it all out (I think...). So there's hope, right?

At the very least, you're not alone!

P.P.S. I meant to add that if you don't think grade-skipping is the right thing to do for your child, Montana, then I really hope you don't feel pressured to do it. Not even by the studies.

I think skipping is a valid choice and one that works great for some kids. But with my "deep but not fast kid," I think a grade skip (or two) would have been bad for him. So I will campaign like mad for other people to accept skipping as a valid option even as I reject it in practice for now.

It's another tool in the toolbelt, but that doesn't mean we have to use it.

Well, I think in many ways it depends so much on the school and the community in which you find yourself (not to mention the personalities of the child, the class, and the teacher). My husband skipped and was happy--he loved school, and remembers it very fondly--but he was in a unique situation, growing up in a "closed" community--essentially an isolated company town for a scientific research facility, and every student in the school had at least one parent with a Ph.D. There were several children in each grade who had skipped at least once, and several in the school as a whole who had skipped more than once.

I was told I needn't show up for kindergarten, had a mid-year skip from first to second, which my parents accepted primarily for social reasons (in one of those demographic anomalies that occasionally pop up in small towns, there were no other girls in my original class); they rejected another offered skip because it would have put me in the same class as my sister, and my sister said she didn't want me there (it was a small school--only one class per grade). I wasn't very happy, but I'm not sure I would have been happy there anyway--and it got me out the door having spent only 11 years in the building instead of 13, a remission of my "sentence" which seemed worth the occasional skip-related inconveniences (track meets, driver's ed, etc.). It wasn't a place that valued academics--many of the boys dropped out as soon as they were legally able, in order to work in the fields. I was doomed socially from the get-go, anyway, skip or no skip, as we were the "wrong" ethnicity/religion in an otherwise utterly homogeneous community. Also, in those days, teachers had to pay their own substitutes, so my first-grade teacher used me every time she was sick, to save money, and therefore I never really had a chance to feel like just a regular member of the group anyway. It was nice to go to university, though, and make some friends!

I've realized, on looking this over, that we both grew up in such weird places that our stories will be of no help to you whatsoever!!!!!! So maybe I shouldn't post this, I don't know.

minnie

Hoagies has a good list:
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/grade_skipped.htm

For all of grade school, I was not allowed to accelerate in any subject or full-grade because I was too disruptive in class. However, I sort of managed it anyway, as I made friends with some middle school teachers and stayed in their classes when I would get kicked out of my lower grade classes. In middle school, my science and math teachers allowed me to subject accelerate a bit (and work much ahead at home and during the summer). By high school, my teachers saw a need to accelerate, so they let me work on college material during the regular class that I needed to officially take instead of making me sit through class.
I liked being challenged when I accelerated, but I have had problems along the way. It was too little too late, mainly. Taking classes with seniors my 8th grade/freshman/sophomore years helped me academically, but I wasn't able to graduate with all of my friends, which was really hard each year. Also, working through college material but not getting credit for it has hurt during college, as I've had to repeat what I already know. Grade skips would probably have helped with the social aspect (not having to say good-bye to my friends every year), as well as the academic aspects.
That being said, I enjoyed athletics very much, and I probably would not have been able to enjoy as much athletic success (winning state tournaments...) if I had been whole grade accelerated to the extent that I would have needed it. I also really liked my friends on the teams (my age or a little older). In addition, I don't think I would have lasted through school without any acceleration...

Thanks, everyone, for adding your stories. It does give me a broader perspective on it all. I'm glad to hear a story about a happy accelerated man, for example, b/c I'd never even heard of one before. (I just learned that both my dad and my grandmother, in addition to my mom and BIL, were grade-skipped, and not entirely happy about it, so it really does help to hear people who are. My dad was homeschooled and then grade skipped, so he had the whole toolbox I guess. Funny that he never talked about it til now).


acs, what preparation and support do you think might have made a difference? (I had an email at 8:30 monday saying they wanted to grade-skip my son...which makes me worry that it's a teacher convenience thing and that there's not much more than 15 minutes of thought gone into it - and less preparation!)

Dottie, this young man who is down to earth and happy...do you know him enough to give some basic personality adjectives? The things in my ds that worry me are shortness, not-good gross-motor skills, rejection-sensitivity, a negative first reaction to everything, tendency to dwell on the negative, perfectionism, very slow to adjust to change, and self-blaming for any perceived 'failure'. When he was in preschool with kids close to a year older than him, he got occasionally teased for being a slow runner. This made him soooo miserable he actually once told me he wished he wasn't alive any more. I really really don't want to be hearing that from him as he compares himself to classmates in future! especially as we have depression on both sides of the family. So I'm looking closely for experiences that might touch on what a young boy like *this* might feel in a grade skip.

Our goal is much more his happiness and ability to form good, supportive relationships in life than his career success. It's just hard to decide what will best do that! (or, as some of you have put it, least-worst!) Especially when he's decidedly UNhappy with this class's current academics.

I'm finding it hard to get into his head and figure this out! It feels like the first decision he could later hate me for, and makes me nervous. He's private enough - and of course another person - that I can't tell which imperatives are more important for him!

thanks for everything you all wrote...there were several perspectives that hadn't occurred to me. And Minnie...good GRIEF, the teacher had you do the teaching when she was sick??? that's rough.

Hi Montana, I don't know what exactly could have been done. What got me thinking about good prep and support was this book http://www.amazon.com/Re-Forming-Gi...mp;s=books&qid=1227630941&sr=1-9 I think it has some useful checklists etc that can be used for prep and follow-up.

I have heard of kids "visiting" the potentially receiving classroom before deciding to move there. Perhaps he could join the older class after afternoon recess for a week, then after lunch for the next week before finally joining all day. This visiting would be to see if it is a good fit for him and during that time, people can decide not to skip if it doesn't work out.

Also, have you already done the Iowa scale? That may give you insights into where he is most likely to run into trouble with the skip and then focus your support in those areas.

I hope this helps.

I recall being in with the 4-7th graders when skipped out of 2d. I felt VERY SMALL. I recall walking into class up the center aisle with all the kids looking DOWN on me. LOL. I think I cried. The next day it became fun. Going back to age-peer classes after three accelerations was the most traumatic event of my childhood. My dad told me over Thanksgiving that I all my test scores were at HS level with reading being the highest.

Montana, I was radically accelerated when the school districts took the time to test me. I was very happy with the arrangement because school work became interesting and challenging and I made interesting friends. The easiest skip was spending time with the higher class for 1-2 hours a day then starting with them after Christmas break. The other accelerations were a straight jump within the same school and a jump when we moved to a new district. The latter was pretty easy as well - from 7th grade to 10th with part of the day spent in 7th - I just walked across campus to HS.

My DW skipped first grade with no issues when they moved to a new district. In retrospect, she thinks she could have jumped from 7th to 9th or 10th grade, too. Her interest in school really waned in the 8th grade and she recalls being very bored.

I have a work colleague who was radically accelerated within the same school system for his whole education and was very happy with it, too.

Tagging this onto the the end of this thread. My story is a bit different, as I wasn't accelerated in school - well not *exactly*. The option for multiple grade skips was presented twice during my years in elementary school. An offer from 1st straight to 4th was declined by my mother and another offer during 3rd grade to 7th was, also, declined. Both times my mother reasoned that she did not want me to be around older boys. I remember pleading during the 1st grade meeting and leaving in tears. I managed, over the next two years, to remain fairly optimistic about school. Then came the 3rd grade meeting, I had been aching for. Again, my hopes were dashed. I distinctly remember this audible click inside my head and I officially gave up on school and became the classic under-achiever - still received mostly "A" grades.

During the summer after my 6th grade year I became very ill and had to be hospitalized for about a year. Despite this, I completed all of 7th grade work via independent study within my first 4 months in the hospital; so they sent me 8th grade work.

Fast forward to when I was healthy enough to return to school. I was surprised to be on the middle school campus, as I fully expected to be starting high school. I was in a wheel chair and with the claim that I needed special accomodations the school placed me in 7th grade special education "classes". By classes I meant I spent all the time in the library and didn't get any actual assignments - there were none to give me, as I'd already completed middle school - or even see a teacher much of the time. I'm an avid reader, but much of what was in the small library I had already read and we spec. ed. students were required to stay in a specific area of the library. There must have been an invisible trigger for a silent alarm, because the moment one of us left our designated area a librarian was there to admonish us and send us back where we belonged. All that to say, I was in effect held back and in spec. ed. classes for two years.

At the end of 8th grade, I decided on two things a) I was going to walk again - no matter what, and b)I was done with school. So by the time the first day of 9th grade came about I was, indeed, walking without assistance. Then I approached my mother. I made my demands quite clear, either she sign the papers to let me start taking college courses or I take her to court and start emancipation proceedings. She signed the papers and by the time I was 15 I had two Associates degrees, started two different business that were fairly successful. (I made enough to purchases two houses by the time I was 19 years old and pay off all the student loans I had incurred.)

I must admit, I still haven't finished my Bachelor's degree. I actually, have enough credits, minus a small handful of courses, to graduate with degrees in, at least, two majors. I joke that I should have multiple doctrates and my husband agrees and always says that it would "be so easy for you". It simply isn't my focus right now, and that's okay.

Anyway, that's my accelerated adult story.

Mizzoumommy, that sounds amazing - have you thought about writing it all down?

I desperately wish I had been grade skipped! I was in a rapid acceleration program in what was my normal K year. Then my parents were forced to move states for employment. I landed in 1st grade in a regular public school with no GT program. The teacher sent me to the hall to read my chapter books because it hurt the other kids' feelings. You can predict how it went from there. My parents didn't know enough at the time to demand more from the school and just did what was available.

By my freshman year of high school I only hung out with older kids, had managed how to get exactly a 92% in all my classes so I looked smart but not that smart. I also became obsessed with dance and spent 3 hours a day in dance classes. I was pretty miserable until college, when I had to learn immediately that you have to actually open the books sometimes to pass the tests.

mizzoumommy:

I second that you need to write your story but also I just want to say how strong you were/are. To be able to stand up to your mother is not an easy thing by any means but you did what you had to do. I know people say it all the time but it is so true. Dealing with adversities in our lives just make us stronger and you clearly had your share full at such an early age.

mizzoumommy - wow. That is a jaw-dropping story. How can a school that had earlier offered multiple grade skips, and that knew you had already completed the curriculum put you in a special-ed class (which by the way amounted to child abuse for all the kids in it)? yikes. You have overcome so much.

CAMom - I'm with you. In retrospect, I wish I had been accelerated. I didn't even know that was an option at the time, though. Luckily, i had some last minute acceleration (took all my senior year classes at the local university). But by then it was too late, underachievement was fully formed.

As a matter of fact, I have been considering writing a book about my experiences growing up and, now, as a home schooling parent to precocious children.

Regarding under-achievment, I am right there with you! Although, I took matters into my own hands and pushed things through for the sake of self-preservation, I still have habits of procrastination, hiding my abilities (even with real-life friends that would, probably, be accepting given the chance, etc. Admittedly, I wonder if my current brand of under-achieving comes from generally feeling like I am carrying others. When I organized a group for new parents, I was the one who came up with and followed through with ideas for events, etc. 90% of the time, for example. I don't know if this was because, people truly didn't know how or because they'd rather have someone else do all the leg work. Perhaps, it was a combination. Regardless, it left me feeling a bit bereft and a little used. Still, not sure if this is a gifted thing or not, but it does seem a bit cyclical. I am trying to break the habit of being the driving force things all of the time, but then I feel like I am being a slacker - which I am, as I could easily do it, but I am learning that sometimes it's okay to let go and slack off a little.

Does anyone else out there relate?

Yes, I think overachieving (in the sense of doing more than one wishes to or more than the others around one) can certainly be as bad for someone as underachieving. Carrying others is not a good feeling.

I was a driven little kid, and I think it was unhealthy for me. I don't want that for my children or for myself anymore. Choosing our priorities has become very important to me, and not everything has to be done perfectly by any of us.

As an adult, I am definitely trying to take a backseat more often in organizations. I usually only step in when two factors align: 1) the event is something that the kids and I are really excited about, and 2) it won't happen at all if I don't step in. If the program will be run differently/worse than it would be if I ran it, but it will happen, I just keep my nose out of it. If it is run so badly that it offends me, then either we quit or I volunteer to run it the next year. I think this has happened twice--once we quit and once I stepped in. Mostly though, I just work to bite my tongue and accept that things won't be done my way. <shrug> I'm learning to get over it.

I think a little slack is a good thing, especially when you're homeschooling. You already have a lot on your plate!

I go in expecting that if it's important to me, I'm going to have to do the work to make it happen. That way I'm pleasantly surprised when someone else takes something off my plate. It helps keep me from becoming a cynic and doing nothing.

I notice there aren't too many stories of boys who were accelerated. I doubt mine is typical, but for what it's worth I'll add it here.

I was skipped from third to fourth towards the beginning of the year. After sixth grade we moved to a new town with a better school system. My parents took the opportunity to put me back in my normal grade. They were worried about my social development. My mom had been grade-skipped when she was a kid, but she insisted that the issues were different for boys than girls.

I loved being a grade ahead and hated being put back in my regular grade. One reason, which I haven't seen mentioned here, interacted with my perfectionism. When I was a grade ahead I felt much less pressure to do perfect work. I was always at the top of my class, but somehow when I was a grade ahead the difference between 100% and 99% didn't matter much. When I was put back in my normal grade that difference became crucial. The explanation I always gave myself is that when I was younger than everyone else I felt I had the right to give myself a break.

For related reasons I have always thought that being put back in my regular grade was actually bad for my social development. The reason is that being younger than others made me proud, and that pride gave me confidence. Of course, it might well have been that that confidence verged on hubris. Maybe that's the social issue my folks had most in mind.

One general comment: Isn't it remarkable how much we all read our childrens' experiences through our own? The things I'm worried about with DS are deeply related to my wanting his childhood to be happier than mine. (Not that mine was particularly unhappy, but still - there is always room for improvement.) In my case, the absolutely pervasive mood of my childhood was boredom; I do everything I can to make sure that is not an issue for DS. But who knows - maybe a little bit of boredom isn't the worst thing in the world. I constantly have to remind myself to look at DS, and not mistake him for me.

BB

Well, but I don't think working from our own experiences is a bad approach at all, provided we're aware that's what we're doing and we always ask questions.

I mean, how else can we understand the experiences of 3/4/5/6yos and help them? We have to use our own filters to do that because even HG+ kids usually don't have the ability to communicate fully their needs to us. We can only work with what we have.

Obviously we can't assume that our kids are little mini-me's, but I think we have to use what we know if we want to be effective at helping them.

I guess I'm suggesting that you all shouldn't second-guess yourselves too much there, IMHO. I think you're doing the right thing!

FWIW...

Glad it was helpful, Kcab and Dottie. As I said before, I doubt my situation was usual, and probably my reaction to it was not that usual either. So take it with a grain of salt. But at least know that that's one of the ways boys can react to acceleration (and deceleration!).



Nobody every accused me of not asking enough questions.

Seriously, though, I agree completely with Kriston's take, and I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. But I do think the caveats are doing a lot of work here, and I just meant to emphasize them.

LOL! Yes, I'm with you about the questions and caveats. I'm all about both!

I just think you're both being really good parents. I know how we all tend to overthink things sometimes--especially around this forum!--and I thought you both needed to hear from someone that what you're doing sounds pretty doggone smart, not wrongheaded in any way.

Thanks, Kriston.

BB