Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Need help in Ohio

Hello - new to the board...thanks in advance for reading! I am the mother of 3 boys. My oldest, Tyler, is 10 and profoundly gifted. That is great, but a real difficulty for him. We accelerated him after much testing and anguish from 1st to 2nd grade. He is now entering middle school (6th) and has little to no friends. He is being bullied and we are terrified about the upcoming year. My father was a clinical psychologist and recently died in June. He was the sounding board and voice of reason. We have tried to find clubs etc. for him with no luck. He has participated in numerous sports and does not like any of them. He is a computer whiz and loves taking apart computers and rewriting programs. I am at a loss. If anyone has any suggestions, please don't hesitate to let us know. Thanks again,
Tyler's Mom in Ohio

I�m also sorry that your son is so lonely. My DS10 in entering 6th also. He probably should be going into 7th grade instead, but we weren�t offered that option when it was most appropriate. I understand the issue well.

Have you applied to Davidson YS program? As Dottie mentioned regarding her son, my DS was amazed by the educational circumstances of some kids he met. He really considered the grade skip �on the table� this summer, as well as, home-schooling after meeting other boys his age who have been allowed to progress as needed. Unfortunately, he feels that he has to interact much longer than a few days or a week before a relationship moves past the �acquaintance� stage, so he hasn�t tried to keep in touch with anyone he met this summer.

He is the type of kid who has a few good friends (outside of school) and many acquaintances. He holds his potential friends to such a high standard of loyalty, honesty, treatment of others, that very few make the �cut�. Likewise, many classmates who have known him since he was a very young asynchronous and sensitive boy dislike him still even though he has evened out nicely now.

I advise my son to try not to express every thought and emotion to the world. Consider �proportionality� when he reacts to others and come home and vent to me instead. Your son will have to shift that focus to you or someone else now that your father has passed.

I really dislike the bullying dogma that many schools have embraced in recent years. It basically averts responsibility from the school, and blame from the bully. Instead, it decrees that the target is to blame for attracting or failing to deflect the aggression of the bully. I do agree with the new assertion that bullies have extremely positive self concepts and sometimes exhibit leadership skills (in a sociopathic sort of way). So what! So do most other violent criminal who has ever filled out a self-report inventory. I would suggest you look into your schools bullying policy with a very critical eye. Don�t assume that just because it was developed by a PhD, it�s meaningful.

Keep posting here. We all do our best to help others.

Hi Aliza,
Sorry to hear that T-man is having a hard time. Ohio has such good policies on the books about gradeskips, but that doesn't solve all the problems, does it?

I do like the idea that maybe it's not enough of a gradeskip...PG basically means that with a single gradeskip they might get along ok in a full time program for regular gifted kids. So you can look into subject acceleration, or another full skip and hope that he gets in with a "nicer" bunch of boys. Each year has it's own personality.

Have you considered homeschooling, perhaps with some community college or local university classes to supliment? Or EPGY's gifted online highschool?

I have heard that for PG kids, sometime it has to be Mom and Dad who are the best friends, but I wouldn't settle for that. Even if the other kids don't "get" him, that's no excuse for Bullying.

BTW - you can hit the "reply" button at the bottom of any post to stay on this thread.

You said a girl destroyed his front teeth - how awful! BUT, you have to ask yourself, was it part of a general pattern or just a momentary misjudgement? I am a big fan of getting kids out of situations that are just not working for them.

As for clubs - does he play Yu-gioh or Magic the gathering cards? In our town there is a shop that sell comics and cards and they organize weekly gamenights. They are great "gifted magnets" - or yes, how about chess? Or even message board centered around a favorite hardware or software? Is there a computer club at the senior center that would enjoy a young expert? Or the local library is usually looking for docents to explain the online lookup system or the internet?

Best Wishes,
Trinity

Breaking another child's front teeth is a is quite serious in my view. The "good thing" about physical assault or sexual harassment or assault is that you have other recourse rather than hoping the school will handle it well.

What did your son's school do in response?

Dottie,
I really wanted to meet you and Trinity also at the YS gathering. I�m pretty sure I identified Trinity, but she was always at a full table or on the move. I should wear glasses, but don�t, so I really have to be right in front of someone in order to read their name-tag. Hopefully we will meet next year.