thank you, everyone. I showed this thread to my dh in the middle of the night, which I think helped dh feel validated in the 'this is a serious problem' kind of way. (my dh and I are both mediators, which makes it hard b/c someone has to take the 'I am the position to be mediated FROM' role, and neither of us wants to).
In the end we kept ds home today and called him in sick, and are trying to think what to do now. He was still pretty upset this morning, bags under his eyes, weepy, etc. I've tried to be a combo of 'this isn't something you can do any time you don't feel like being in school and no you may not spend the day watching Little Bear episodes on Youtube' and telling him that this happens sometimes, and that I absolutely promise he will not spend his life feeling this way. I tried to find a fun spelling game online and kind of failed, but we did a little of that, and then I had him read The Whipping Boy, and he was So Scared to do that- it's clear that he has NO experience with not being sure he knows every word on a page and it completely freaked him out to just start reading! He cried a bit and begged to read silently instead, to do something easier, etc. I (gently, I hope) had him read the first chapter to me so I could see if he was getting it, and we talked it through. He learned a few words, and how to think about figuring out what's happening. Once he relaxed, he did great. And we talked about how that's how kids in his class feel when they have to read the books in school, and how it doesn't feel good, does it, and that they are brave to keep trying. I hope that helped with the intolerance with the slower learners thing in class.
And I also encouraged him lots and praised him for getting through the older kid chapter, even though he was scared, and how well he did, and he perked up amazingly and ended up wanting to go through and read 4 chapters to me, seemed to really like that, got excited about learning new words, dragged out a dictionary and started reading that...my poor kid has an atrophied 'try' muscle. I felt like I was seeing him start to flex it for the first time in a while.
Now I've sent him up for a bath to relax and float paper boats while I try to figure out what I'm going to do. I've learned that CT you can have 4 unexcused absences/month without getting in trouble, and I suspect that, having enrolled him, we don't get the under-7 escape clause. He's turning 7 next week anyway, come to think of it. At any rate, that buys some time, and making Christmas a turning point is probably a good idea.
I'm so uncertain what to do, who to say what to. Like, call the guidance counselor? The principal? email the teacher about her mistaking ds's motivations pretty badly? I just don't know.
I think you have to start advocating now. Today. And pretty strongly. I wouldn't recommend going in with what you wrote there, but it does say to me that he needs changes, and you have to ask for them NOW!
If you have time, any of you, what then DO you recommend I say, if I don't say he needs these things at LEAST, to start with. (the harder books, the ability to work ahead quietly or to work on his own more advanced material). How, too, do we talk about whether he should have a different teacher who doesn't consider someone doing these things 'spoiling' her classes? I don't even know how to open the conversation - I don't know how to say my son's way of learning and her way of teaching seem to really clash, in a way that's hurting him. I don't know how to say, I think she doesn't like him and that's not making a good environment for him - or her - at all. My dh and I are working on letter drafts, but right now they're not asking for anything, they're just describing a problem, b/c we don't know how to start asking, in what order, of who, etc. And I don't know whether to write and say, our son is home b/c he's physically ill b/c he's so upset and worried about getting in trouble in school for trying to do work that challenges him.
Basically, with the psychologist...we have the IQ testing, we have the achievement testing, we have some social maturity testing, some rorschat, however you spell that, testing - I don't even know what that showed - we do not have teacher surveys, class observation, or the full write-up. She doesn't want to do any write up until she has it all done. But we've already heard back from the Davidson people - they want the full write up, not just his scores on the WISC-IV and the WIAT-whatever-number. And I don't think the psychologist can be hurried on this. She says she's really busy the next couple of weeks, and can't even talk to him til next Tuesday. :-(
for whoever recommended the Yale Child Study center...I wish we'd known about this site before and gotten that recommendation...I want FAST. Even if it were way expensive. I'm in a throw money at the problem, throw anything at the problem, frame of mind. (better keep me off Amazon and that homeschooling site I found on one of these threads!) I think this person is actually affiliated part-time with the child study center, but we came to her through her private practice, and fast, she is not being. It took 6 weeks to get to see her to begin with, and then it's been two months for the testing which is not even done.
ack. I'm so, SO tired. I want to play ostrich and take a good long nap while my head's stuck in that sand. thank you all. This is so painful...I'm horrified that so many people go through this, for varying problems. It seems learning shouldn't be a source of such pain!
