Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I'm going to get an ulcer

That sounds great. What a wonderful teacher!

I like all the other plans, and I would urge you to stay on top of them to make sure that they stick to them. I am suspisious of #3 though, my DS was on a behavior chart during 1st and 2nd grade, also 6th - so I have a lot of experience with them! He was also in charge of bringing the thing with him to all his specials.

I would suggest that you look carefully at the chart,
a) Make sure that it is a list of positive behavior and not a list of negative ones. The teachers wanted my son to 'Didn't come to class unprepared' as a positive. I lobbyed to change that to 'brought pencil, paper and needed books.'

b) be sure that there are no more than 4 areas that your son will be monitoring at any time. I think 2 or 3 is better. But being responsible for 'all behaviors' all at once isn't likely to work as well as consentrating on one or two areas.

c) try to make them specific and concrete wherever possible - 'I kept my hands to myself' is better than 'I wasn't a distraction'

Remember that for the most part, your child probably isn't doing anything that all the other kids aren't doing except that your child probably does it all more intensly, and there is some generalized discomfort coming from the teacher that is being channelled into blame for certian behaviors, so some of what you are up to is to create a tool that allows the teacher to 'catch you kid doing something right.' This helps your child focus on what the desired behavior is AND it helps the teacher pay attention to your child's good behavior.

Remember that once an adult is irritated by a kid, anything the child does, such a breathing, may reactivate that irritation. Remind the teacher how much your child likes them whenever you can.

I'm actually in favor of asking the school to water down #3 as much as possible, make it a group project (so the whole class is earning buttons in a jar for good behavior towards a party) or delay launching until the other steps are in place. My son payed to high price for his experience with behavior charts. Every month the school sent home a newsletter listing a child from each class who was the 'best behaved for the month' - one day I asked my son if he thought that someday he'd be listed there.

"MA, I'm NEVER going to be on that list! I'm ON A BEHAVIOR CHART! Don't you get IT?"

For a system that puts so much emphasis on 'self-esteem' (wrongly in my book) they sure set up systems so that my son knew 'who was good and who wasn't.'

Be Well,
Grinity

Thank you again for the support.

Grinity, I understand the concern about #3. It's this point system that he has to take to all his classes. I am a bit concerned, but at the same time...he came home with 59 points today and said "Mommy, I bet tomorrow I can get 60!" So I think it's going ok. Plus, it makes sure that teachers I never get communications from show me how he's doing in the class.