Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy hi again! need advice...

Hello everyone. I hope all is well, still working on my gifted endorsement. When I finish, I promise to come back more often and contribute some of the knowledge I hope to acquire. As for now, I need your opinions and advice once again.

As you may remember dd6 was permitted by the pub school to enter Kindergarten early this year and she is doing very well by the way. I think she should be ready for 1st grade around Dec. LOL
Anyway, she relayed two comments her K teacher made to me. The first was a few weeks ago which, after my blood pressure returned to normal, I decided to let go. She was coloring at the table while I was washing dishes and said, "I wish I wasn't so slow, but I am." I protested, but she said her teacher told her she's too slow and so she is. I'll admit, she takes her time on things, but it's bc she wants to do her best work on everything.

Here's #2 from today: She told dh that she wants to go back to preschool. When he asked why she said, "because I'm only four and I want to come home at noon." (full day K). He asked her where she heard that, she said, "I was tired today and when I told Mrs. Teacher she said I'm only four and I should be in preschool."

This is a child who was last week showing me examples of different lines of symmetry using paper folding! Preschool!?! Humph! I'm so angry. Dh said he can't wait to give her a piece of his mind and the parent/teacher conference. That doesn't happen for 2 weeks and I want to talk to this teacher NOW! I know I'll calm down b4 tomorrow so I'll be able to speak to her without yelling at her, and I want to call her to set up a meeting. I only hope that her words were a little different than what dd said, but I don't want her twisting what was said to weasel out of it either. I'd also like to speak to her b4 the conference as dh is a hothead and may make matters worse.

Anyone with any advice as to whether or not to see her sooner rather than later and ideas about how to approach her? Being a teacher, you'd think I'd know how to approach teachers, but I think it actually makes it harder.

Thanks in advance guys!
Therah

Three thoughts (but no answers so take it FWIW

First, I doubt that teacher conference day will give you enough time to actually have the discussion you want. Ours are usually only about 10 minutes and are often rushed because things are running behind. I don't think it is a good venue for a real conversation.

Second, kids sometimes experience and report things differently than how they actually happened. I often get upset about something DS reports, but when I speak to the teacher there was a more reasonable explanation. So I would try to find it in myself to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Third, a little time to settle down before meeting is probably a good idea, but I wouldn't let it drag out. If she really is undermining your daughter's confidence, then it should be addressed sooner rather than later.

Set up a meeting now. Don't wait for PT conferences.
This is the age where we had a really hard time talking to my BIL. We'd call up and ask to speak to him, his 4 year old daughter would say:
"No, he's at work"
and they ask to speak to SIL
"No, she's asleep."

this happened about 6 times before we caught on - LOL!

They seem to have 'emotional reaction detectors' that hunt for your trigger points. My son told the teachers that due to DH and my jobs, he never go to see us. The teachers bought it. I was working exactly 20 hours a week at this time. I was so mad!

It is of course possible that the teacher is a monster of some kind.

My advice is when DD plays the 'Oh poor me!' card to say:
"Oh yes, we all get tired some days. You are so lucky - not you get to understand that old phrase: "The Grass is Always Greener over the fence! I'm sure the grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence. But Humans don't live in a perfect world, and this is the best way we make school work for you."

Or shorter, "Yeah, that part stinks, I wonder why you are in Kindy?"

And listen to what she says. If it keeps up, you can even let her visit Baby School (perhaps a Day Car center in the afternoon)

Deep Breaths dear! Seek to know the teacher first - that's the long term solution, unless you DO want a skip to 1st grade. The whole scary thing about school is being at such a distance!

It's ok to leave DH home if he is a hothead. Every family is different and look at what strengths he can contribute in what contexts.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Thanks for the suggestions. Grinity - dd4 does make up stories quite often, but she usually ends it with something like, "but don't talk to so& so about that because it isn't true or I made that part up." She cracks me up. Today she tried to tell me the substitute teacher had them practicing diving in a bucket of water in the classroom but quickly mentioned that it was a made up story. On the other hand, I don't want to completely discount what she says, especially knowing what we all know about some teachers being very uninformed and yet opinionated about student acceleration.

master of none - I'm so sorry you had to go through that with ds! It must have been horrible for you all. I hope ds has a teacher that's worthy of him now. I love the sample conversation you gave me. I'm going to write it down and approach her just like that, very subtle and non-confrontational, yet gets straight to the heart of the issue - brilliant! Thank you! BTW, they do get a 20 minute lay down rest pd. which played into our decision to start her in K early. I have definitely given positive feedback to teacher also, but I don't feel like I've had enough communication with her. Maybe I'll start emailing her from time to time after we meet.

Thanks again! It always helps to run these things by people that have "been there, done that".

I wasn't really thinking that DD was making it up, I more wanted to motivate you and your DH to 'stay cool' so as not to inspire her to 'play up' those sort of comments in future, yes? I also wanted to give you a chance to approach the teacher with a little less certianty, just in case....