Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion % of kids being gifted

I am in a district where everyone preps and pushes. A little girl in DD's ballet class does 2 ballet classes a week, 2 language classes, plus a bunch of other things, does her "homework" with her older brothers and she is only 4.5.

She even tells her mother she doesn't want the ballet classes, she wants to go to a fun creative movement.

I think it is horrible, but there are mothers who probably think I am horrible with DD's schedule. There are times I feel like if she just got into the gifted school...

There are 200 kids scoring over 99th percentile for 50 spots. It is tough, you want your kid to go there instead of the general education program where they already know how to read and do simple math. What are they going to do for a year or two?

So part of me thinks it is terrible and part of me just wants the opportunity for DD.

I had drinks with a mother of a child in DD's preschool two nights ago. It turns out she went to the gifted school herself. She is mid to late 30s. She went to Tufts and was talking about Ivys and someone in her class and I asked why she didn't apply. She said she was in the middle of the pack. In a a gen ed program she would have been a top student. In the gifted school, she was in the middle of the pack and didn't think she should even apply to Harvard because she clearly wasn't the smartest. Gave pause to consider that.

How do you balance the chance to motivate and challenge your gifted child and yet maintain good self esteem when in a class with all uber bright kids?

Like DH says, he was clearly the smartest, probably in PA at the time, winning all kinds of state awards. Goes to Harvard and finds out there are so many people smarter than him.

Ren

Ren, the environment you describe sounds very intense. It is hard to maintain your balance in the face of such pressure and competition.

I grew up in a very different environment--and I just want to reassure you that going to a regular public school and then on to a non-ivy league college is not the end of the world. It can even be the beginning of a wonderful, fulfilling life.

Your DD has so many things in her favor--she has supportive parents and a lot of talent. Don't lose sight of that There are going to be setbacks somewhere along her path to adulthood and you will all weather them just fine.

Thanks. But you do have to respect what fulfills one. Not to put your own expectations on your child.

And also try and hear your child and give them what they want. Like her push, for a year, for violin. And we thought it was just a 3 year old thing, watching Sesame Street or something. But we go these Philharmonic children's concerts and they can try a small violin after. And she doesn't want to give it up and they tell us that she seems to know how to play it. Give her lessons. After a few times, you think that you are not listening to what your child needs.

So we bought a piano today, she started private lessons and after a year in piano, she can start violin. (Russian method -- the piano lessons first tune the ear, they tell me). I would never have thought I would be heading down this path.

Two months ago, I was sure that I wanted her to go to Hunter. Now I am thinking that for her, the Special Music School may be a better gifted option. Although, I am told the pressure is worse. But is this what she wants?

So I say it from that perspective. I also think it is good not to be the smartest, but have uber bright people around you. I think of it like tennis, you get better if you play with better people. I think it is very easy to get lazy if you can get the best grades, even if you don't show up for school 1/3 of the time. My experience on the last.

Ren