Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What if our son isn't gifted just advanced?

I have been thinking about ds. What if he isn't gifted just advanced academically for his age? What should I do for him in that case?

I am feeling a little apprehensive about asking for testing. A little shy and unsure of myself. I know he is bright, I know he is 6 and finds 1st grade work to easy. He is reading and comprehending on a 3/4th grade level. I know he is very good with numbers and equations.

I have never formally worked with him on any of it. Should I supplement at home instead of pursuing testing, etc. What acommadations should I ask to be provided in the classroom?

I am unsure of the best course of action to take. Any advice is much appreciated.

I have the very same questions. I had my son tested w/ WISCIV and it just brought up more questions. I found it easier to have the testing done privately that way I didn't have to share w/ the school if I didn't want to.

I supplement at home w/ son b/c he asked for it. It did exacerbate things at school though. As my MIL said, I shouldn't make it so interesting to be home and perhaps school would be more appealing.

Well if you've never taught him anything, then I'd say he's more than just a little bright. 8-) Go ahead and have him tested....it is what it is and he'll be the same wonderful kid after the test.

You're having very common feelings. There are people that push their children and want to believe that they are gifted when they are likely just advanced. Most people that find this board however, find it because they have the mindset of "I suspect something may be up with DS/DD and I need to figure what to do." Your skepticism is healthy and shows that you're trying to look at the situation objectively.

Just so you know, I went from "DS's average" to "DS's probably gifted" to "seriously, DS's just average" to "DS must be PG". Just search the archives for my posts In our case, getting DS tested didn't tell us the complete picture (in some respects we have more questions), but it did put our mind at ease. We got independent validation of what we suspected.

I'd recommend getting him tested. If you have the means to get him tested yourself privately that gives you the option to decide if you want to share those results with the school. (You might want to inquire about which tests that they give because you can't re-test using the same test for a period of time.)

Good luck.

JB

Yup, there's even a term we use for what you're going through: "gifted denial." JBDad had a bad case, but he's getting over it, as am I. Even Dottie still has bouts of it from time to time. I think Dazey's done pretty well lately, at least I haven't seen too much denial. At any rate, it's a common affliction around here.

If your child is operating 2-3 grades above level and you're not drilling the heck out of the kid in his spare time (aka "hothousing"), then you almost certainly have a GT kid. I can't say what LOG (level of GTness), but I feel pretty confident in saying that he's GT. And yes, he's going to need more than what the ND (normally developing) child is going to need in the classroom.

It sounds like you should probably be doing some reading if you aren't on that already. That's where I started when I was where you are. Check out the articles on the Davidson website--use the link "Find a Resource" on the lefthand side of this page. We can recommend some books, too, if you would like recs.

You can always supplement schoolwork with work at home, but I would still strongly recommend testing. It gives you an idea about just how GT your child is, shows you areas of strength that you didn't even know about and/or shows you weaknesses or learning preferences that might change the approach that you and the school take when working with him. If nothing else, it's hard to stay in GT denial when a trained professional hands you a sheet with numbers on it (though some of us do manage it! LOL!).

This is a very helpful forum. I'm glad you found us! It was invaluable to me last year, when I was where you are now. If we can help, just say so!

Your son is gt. I say go ahead with the testing, most people find it really helpful, me included.

I struggled with the idea of testing. A lot. I knew it would be helpful and that there was really no harm done but these were the questions that bothered me:

- What about if he is less gt than I think?
- What about if he is more gt then I think?
- And what exactly do I think and expect???
- Do I even have a right to know? It's his brain after all.

I know a nutcase. What can I say? At least I was sure he was gifted. I still remember the shock after seeing the test results.

And don't forget that asynchronous development really helps in the GT denial area. When I picked up DS4 from preschool the other day, we had major issues because the kids got "kisses" (hand stamps) on their hands after reading The Kissing Hand. DS4 can't stand having anything like temp tattoos or markers or anything on his skin. I was surprised he let the teacher do it at all. (He agreed after she showed him the "washable" label on the stamper, as long as he could wash it off as soon as I saw it.) Well, he went immediately to the bathroom to wash it off when I saw it, and of course got his shirt cuff wet - the other thing he hates hates hates is wet clothes touching his skin. Screams. And this is the kid who tested HG+?

I also remember sitting in the waiting room while DS was taking his SB-V, wondering if I was a complete idiot - perhaps he was just bright, and not gifted? I think most of us went through this.

We go through that too, with DS6, especially since we started homeschooling him. It was one thing when he did things on his own, that was obviously an indication of him being advanced. But, homeschooling him, I keep thinking that most kids could move as quickly as he has if they were given half a chance.

I don't have any advice, we're right there in it with you! I think no matter what you choose, self-doubt is part of the process. I waffle between being relieved at finally accepting that DS is GT (and then worrying about LOG) and feeling foolish because I can't believe I thought DS was GT (at any level). We made the decision to have DS privately tested and I've been putting it off because I'm still working through the fear that I'm wrong.

If it helps, think of testing as a tool to help you understand your child better. It's not a contest, not some GT-only exhibition. It's a tool to teach you about your child's needs, whatever those needs might be. You don't have to know the answer before the test...then you wouldn't need the test!

To use our family as an example, I'm not sold on the idea that our DS4 is GT, but we're going to have him tested just to know what we're dealing with. Does it matter if he doesn't turn out to be GT? Not one bit! Heck, it would probably make life a lot easier for us! He could go to school and fit into a regular classroom without accomodation. Hurrah!

OTOH, I was pretty certain DS7 was GT, but the testing showed me that I was way off about his LOG. (I thought he was MG and he wound up getting DYS-level scores.) It also showed me that he is not much faster than your average 7yo, though he has a depth of understanding that is far beyond average. This led us to believe that homeschooling was probably a smart move in our case. But also, as a result of the testing, out went the timed math facts tests, at least as a main teaching tool. In came conceptual math. Very helpful to know! Math time got a lot more pleasant when I understood my child's strengths and weaknesses better. It was a very effective tool for us!

Maybe that helps?

I often think the same thing. In fact though I've read that many HSers do quickly get a grade level ahead since 1:1 instruction is so much more efficient. I read where a teacher said that the top Xth (30???) percentile of a class could work a grade level up.

So all this serves to feed into GT denial.

Thanks for all the support and thoughtful replies.

We live in a very rural area and small town within California. How do I go about finding a reliable person to test him? Should I ask the GATE coordinator at school if she knows of anyone? I am of the mindset that I am going to need to talk with her anyway to make sure the test we use is different then the one they use? Is that correct? I am seriously overwhelmed. To be honest I am not sure I want the school knowing that I want him tested. I do not want to be one of "those moms" yet. When and if the time comes fine but for now I would like to stay under the radar and only have his teacher think that of me.

Did you talk with your kids about what was happening? I asked a gifted acquaintance about his experiences and after sharing with me, he said the best course of action for my son is the one where he feels in control. I asked ds if he would like to take a test (he likes tests, he even makes me tests to take) and he said yes. But he gets uncomfortable when I ask if he would like to go into the next grade or if he would like the teacher to let him go into another class for work. He tells me stop and changes the subject or runs to play something away from me.

I always recommend starting here: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/psychologists.htm

Hoagies is a WONDERFUL website, and the testers you'll find here have been recommended by parents and educators who care about GT education. They're "vetted," if you will.

If you find a tester not on the list and feel the person is good for GT kids, then please e-mail Carolyn at Hoagies and ask her to add the person to the list. She's grateful for the help, and you will help other parents in your same situation.

Okay, so anyone have any testers in CA they want to recommend?

As for what to tell the child, I wouldn't get into "what do you want to do about school?" with him yet. There are plenty of options, but kids generally fear change. There's no reason to go there yet. Get him tested, consider your options, decide what you think is best for him under the circumstances. THEN start finding ways to make that work for him. Find out what his fears are and work to address those. But just saying "Do you want to skip a grade?" probably isn't going to be met with joy by very many kids, not even really, really GT ones.

I don't have any help but I do understand how you feel. Is he gifted? Is he not gifted? Sometimes I think he's exceptionally gifted and sometimes I think he's below gifted (sometimes below average). Most of the time, though, he's MG-HG. And, then there's that pesky asynchronous develepmont thing . . . this morning he's acting like he's 2 (he's 7). I'll repeat what others have said "go with your gut". And, if you do the testing and he turns out not to be gifted, well, then, so what? The world will continue, he'll continue to learn, you'll continue to love him, and he'll grow up knowing you did what you could for him.

ETA: I didn't mean to sound flippant. I know it's a sensitive and emotional subject. I think sometimes I let it consume me and it really doesn't matter all that much, as long as he and you are happy with him.