Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Perfectionism or Dissonance?

I've often heard the terms Dissonance, and cognitive dissonance, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance but recently I heard the term used in a new way.

I saw it used to discribe the frustration that gifted kids experience when their mental image of what they want to accomplish, is so far from what they actually are able to accomplish. Example - typically, 4 year olds try making letters and are pleased with their results. Pleasure leads to more attempts which leads to better results. A gifted 4 year old may have the "idea" of a letter firmly in her mind, be able to notice the differences between the mental ideal and her product, and reject her own attempts to produce the letter, leading to few opportunities to practice, and less good results.

This is similar to Perfectionism, but different, as my understanding is that for perfectionists, nothing is every good enough, while the child who is frustrated by Dissonance maybe quite happy to direct an adult to form the letter, or use a computer and make a printout of a letter. I think for perfectionists it's "all about me" and in the case of Dissonance its about the asynchrony of critical ability outstripping motor ability.


Does anyone think I'm on to something here? Any stories?

Trinity

My son,(let's call him Ghost since he already introduced self by this nickname)will sometimes blurt out something that is totally unfamiliar to me , but when I ask questions trying to further investigate his idea he will just say "Oh, just forget it" . I think he just thinks that his verbal still can't keep up with his racing mind, although he has been officially 12 for the last few days:-) It has nothing to do with motor ability. More of a mind not being able to sufficiently describe what is going on inside.
Ania

Trinity, that so describes the behaviour of my son almost perfectly. I've been trying for years to explain to his teachers that it isn't ADHD or oppositional behaviour, but more something like a strange type of perfectionism. I am going to be reading up alot of this topic.
Thanks!

LOL - elh0706!
If you see anything written, post it here for us, please! I only saw it in one paragraph! But it really struck a cord with us. If you can't find anything already written, perhaps we'll have to do the writing ourselves?

Ania - I'm glad you are more secure than I am. LoL - when I get that treatment, I jump to the conslusion that my DS is thinking that I'm too old, or "out of it" to understand him.

Big Smiles,
Trinity

Trinity,
We may have to write the articles ourselves. I spend several hours over the weekend looking for information on Dissonance. Most of it though did not really "fit". I still think you are on to something. I just hope I can come up with something in the next couple weeks before the Pediatrician tries to convince me I'm a poor parent for being unwilling to go put my son on Ritalin.
The only signs of ADHD that he has are those that overlap with gifted traits!!! The Pediatician isn't even willing to consider that the gifted is playing a role since "he has 2 gifted and ADHD children himself." I agree that a child can be gifted and ADHD. However, I don't think that I have my head in the sand on this issue. If I thought it would be in DS's best interest, I would be willing to try the Ritalin. The Guilt factor is telling me to try it since the Pediatrician should be well qualified to diagnose and I should follow his suggestions. However, My gut instinct is saying that ADHD isn't the issue and treating DS for ADHD will mask other problems that should be addressed now not later.

Elh0706,
Listen to your gut instinct! Seek out a second opinion. Our pediatrician was also quick to jump to the ADHD diagnosis, but open minded enough to accommodate my reservations and referred my son to a developmental pediatrician. He was also gracious enough to admit (and inform me) that he was wrong. Informing me was key because the final opinion of the develop pediatrician stated that he was a gifted boy in need of advanced education with possible ADHD of �undetermined� type. Our regular pediatrician told us that was code for, �We really don�t think he has it, but we are leaving the door open (with the insurance) for possible distant future follow up.�

Elh0706 -
Your position sounds reasonable to me - so what is your plan to "address the other problems sooner rather than later." The best way to resist questionable advice, from anyone in a position of athority, is to have an action plan in place that is inspiring enough to make you want to discover the results.
Best Wishes,
Trinity