Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What is "successful"?

I am curious on the collective take on this question realizing there is not a "right" answer. I'm sure we've seen this discussed on these forums before but since it isn't a concrete concept I hope to have a bit of leave to discuss it anew since opinions and membership might've changed.

Is it power? Admiration? Money? If so, how much? Is a happy life a successful life?

Well, I think that most people really get stuck the admittedly open question as to whether the first step of a truly successful life means going to Princeton or Harvard for undergrad.

I've been mulling this over today. My list includes

Media literacy (or abstinence)
Financial literacy at any income level
Cultivating a sense of satisfaction
Cultivating meaningful social connections / relationships
Confidence in one's ability to overcome obstacles
Pursuing some form of creative or maker activity.

I have pondered this in terms of my hopes for my son ( and the skills I think he'll need to get there). My thoughts:

Long term relationships (friendship as well as romantic) marked by love, kindness, and respect.
In some way leaving the world better than when you found it. Doing some good for others.
Having passion, whether it is related to work or a hobby.
Having a skill that will allow some financial stability. This one is hard to define, because I do not mean wealthy is a goal, but I think some ability to financially ride out storms is desirable.

Here is my admittedly somewhat vicarious list:

Properly calibrated BS detectors
Sense of humour (and irony)
Acceptance that we live in an imperfect world
Possessing the skills required (and luck) to achieve a realistic level of self determination
Ability to self-regulate
Ability to find contentment from multiple sources
Having empathy and compassion (but knowing when not to make a casualty of oneself)

And when the time comes, having the luck to find a realistically compatible mate

Successful to me is
Having a PhD
Owning a home in an area I love
Having a decent car
Having a decent amount of savings
Being able to holiday comfortably
Having genuine friends who care about me
Working hard because I want to
Being happy in love
Having a career that I love
And, most importantly, raising my children to have the same successes, who are happy, and best friends.

Public perception of success:

Meet or exceed the potential: If you come from a family of doctors and engineers, people expect you to be someone like your family. If you become less than that, you would be a failure. But if you come from a family with no college education, being accepted to college is a success.

Personal perception of success:

Varies on personal goal. It might even change with age.

In my youth, I tied my success with the money. Now, I take one day at a time and if I make a difference in someone's life, it is a successful day.

Thank you madeinuk, that really hits it for me.

Not screwing up in personal life or professional life and having healthy relationships in both those areas.

Such a personal thing! I have friends who are musicians, mums, doctors, lawyers, farmers, bloggers, one who's a priest, one who's a dancer, etc, etc. The musicians would consider themselves successful if they could quit their day jobs and live out of music. The doctors and lawyers would like waterfront and boats. The priest doesn't care at all about financial stuff. But they would all agree that the thing that brings them the most happiness is the relationships they have with their nearest and dearest.

What a lovely and perfectly-stated list.



I really can't say it better.

Let me also add--

Liking the person that you are.


Our definition of success has changed radically in the past few years. We really only want self-sufficiency, health, and happiness, at modest levels, for our daughter.

That is not going to look very "impressive" to outsiders any more, in spite of DD's "wasted" potential. That is okay. They aren't living her life. She has at least found a way forward that is consistent with her own inner needs, and that was no mean feat. She gets to define success for herself.

my signature might provide a clue as to my opinion. To me, success is:

Leading a meaningful life. It's not enough to be "happy" (whatever that means), to enjoy your work or circumstances, or to be able to consume experiences, goods, and others at a pleasant rate. In fact, these things often distract from real achievement. Happiness is a misplaced "right" that is often viewed as the end goal of all work, and we do ourselves a disservice when we make a fluctuating, internal, and subjective emotion our greatest good.

Success is about your ability to impact the lives of others in a lasting way, such that the chain reaction of the impacts of your having lived carry positive ripple effects to other generations. Your having lived should make others achieve for themselves and others significantly more than would have been possible had you never existed. We should all strive to be servants to others and stewards of the future, whether in our families, careers, or personal interests.

If, at the end of my life, if I can say that the way I lived communicated love, honesty, compassion, generosity, hope, and faith, and others saw this and chose that path for themselves where they would not otherwise have done so, I will consider that a success. The world is a house with many rooms in it, for all sorts of people and talents.

I can say that those who I admire most are people who give of themselves selflessly and generously, often at great personal cost. Think of parents of special needs children who pour out love abundantly to their children, priests and lawyers who fight for freedoms for others in situations of great oppression, people wrongfully punished by the law who peacefully protest and change their countries' laws through their perseverance, individuals who fight human rights injustices and face persecution for their opposition, people who consciously save and donate to the poor (even though they'd prefer a flashy vacation or a new car), people who help make others whole after trauma...

This is my prayer for my girls. And finding contentment (happiness is fleeting).

Great thread, KJP.
Kudos to sanne for posting with sincerity, leading in a positive direction and encouraging others by example!
What an inspiring list.

My thoughts don't really add much new...

Having healthy boundaries, healthy relationships with self and with others despite differences...

Understanding that setbacks of all kinds are a part of life and do not diminish a person...

Knowing one's strengths and owning one's weaknesses (hat tip to Platypus101)

Openmindness tempered with critical thinking and a penchant for seeking out nuggets of truths...

Active BS filters which trigger quietly without sarcasm or snark...

Valuing ethics and integrity...

Thirst for a challenge, flexibility to face adversity, inner resources to cope with disappointment...

Living within one's budget (accepting that seasons of struggle, sacrifice, and "settling" may be an inherent part of establishing priorities, weighing decisions)...

Appreciation for humor, art, nature all around us...

Ability to master one's self, as a well-rounded person who chooses to acknowledge and lighten another's burden.



This reminds me of the list of what kids learn through effort (and don't learn without challenge).

This also reminds me of the poem "If.." by Rudyard Kiplng.

As I watched the TED Talk sent to me in today's e-mail (What I learned from 2,000 obituaries) I thought of this thread.

Attached to this TED Talk was a playlist of 10 Talks to watch when you don't know what to do with your life.

Here's to success!

Adding a link to another thread, which has an article summarizing a 78-year Harvard study on adult development... happiness... and what makes a good life.

When I was s horse-crazy young girl whose family lacked the money for horses, my only option was to ride at this crazy non-profit run by a retired army colonel. Many stories I could tell! But he had a motto that always works for me when I think of defining success. "Ride hard, shoot straight, and live so you can look anyone in the eye." I find that when I can look back on a day, or a year, or a life where I did that - well it feels like success to me.