Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy 1st grader complaining a lot about hw?

So what's a fairly normal level of complaining about homework, or work in general?

My 1st grader is such a grouch this year. I'm trying to support him and figure out if something is off. He has about an hour of school homework a week and another hour of math homework for AoPS outside of school. But he keeps complaining that he has homework "ALLLL the time" and so much more homework than his 3 year old sister. (Hmm, yes?)

I'm disappointed in his crappy attitude. I told him he could quit AoPS if he wanted (he does afterschool math because he wants to after all) and then he balked and said he wanted to stay in that but didn't want to do the homework on the weekend. So now we'll try to get his AoPS and school homework done by Friday I guess. He has a moderate level of activities -- he's busy but not ridiculously so...

Is he just being a 1st grader? Or should we keep tweaking this until we find something that works better?

He has all these opportunities... great. But if he's just a sulky unhappy kid, I feel like we're missing the point.

And I should add that he's also been complaining that his school doesn't have enough math in it that interests him. "They don't do the things I like to do."

Actually his 1st grade teacher is at least willing to give him harder math worksheets after he finishes his work, and lets him have free time when he's done, which is much better than the forced participation in K level math groups, which were way below his level.

He's disappointed he didn't get to skip 1st grade math, but he needs to suck it up and move on. I don't think he's being fair in his complaints about school, but I don't know how to get his perspective back to a more positive one.

Yeah, I wasn't sure how much I wanted to confuse the questions. There are a few things going on there and I'm probably not sorting through them well.

I expect him to skip a year ahead in math next year (it's hard to skip 1st grade but easy to skip subsequent grades in our district), but I hate to talk that up as the solution to everything because it may still not be the kind of math he wants to do (AoPS is more fun) or hard enough (can only skip one year at once).

Instead of homework I think he'd like to read. He's consuming upper elementary chapter books right now in a way that's just insane. He also likes to read ahead in the Beast Academy books he'll get to in future years for after school math. And some legos and stuff like that. Just downtime.

He does his homework in aftercare at school and really at home just needs to make corrections and do about 15 min of work. I think he spends much more time and energy dreading it than he does actually doing the work.

Maybe just some help organizing it or approaching it.

Is this fairly normal?

I think Portia hit the nail on the head regarding the "wasting time".

I, too, have a 1st grader and a 3 year old and I hear the same type of complaints! I think it's because DD6 would rather be playing with DD3 than doing "busy work" because unfortunately most of her homework is too easy and not stimulating enough. And after a full day of school, I can understand that she's bored out of her mind and wanting to move on to something else. Now, if I go online and print out worksheets geared towards 2-4 grade levels up, she will do them all afternoon. She loves them. So I think the difficulty (or rather lack thereof) of the work is the issue, not that she has to do it. I've explained to DD6 that sometimes homework will be easy but she still needs to do it, just as she would need to do more challenging work as well, and that's just part of life. I've also told her that we need to do our work first before we play. At this point in the school year, it's finally beginning to soak in so I'm hearing less complaining than I did at the start of the year.

No specific advice but our district has a policy about time spent on homework. It is grade level x 10 minutes/day math+ELA combined plus an equal amount of time for independent reading homwework. So for first grade, total 20 minutes per day max. If the kid is consistently spending more time that that, the district encourages parents to talk to the teachers and something is amiss.HTH.

Thanks. I do feel like he needs help too, but it's useful to hear that echoed back so I don't feel like I'm overreacting.

Lots to think about here -- I really appreciate it.

I don't know if there are any easy solutions. I have advocated to the point of exhaustion and I can't do anything about school math until next year when he can test out of 2nd grade math.

There are some great ideas here though. We'll keep working on it.

It's great how parenting instincts kick in here. We should listen to them. Last night we had massive tears about the homework due today and school and everything else. So we ignored it and cuddled up with a book. No, that isn't a long term strategy for success. But I do think it's what he needed at the time. And at 6 years old he's not going to flunk out of school or anything...

If he is doing his homework in aftercare and then doing 15 minutes more at home then he is spending too much time on homework. If he is doing the easy sheets in maths then harder ones then he is doing twice as much work as everyone else and it is reasonable to feel hard done by especially if the hard sheets are also too easy.

I'm not really convinced that first graders should be doing homework.

Actually, I'm not really convinced that anyone in elementary school should be doing homework.

He does homework in aftercare only on Tue/Wed and doesn't seem to mind that part.

He does ~15 min of additional homework at home a week, usually only on Wed or Thr, which he absolutely hates.

Then he does anot hour of afterschool math on Saturday, which he says he dislikes only because it is doing homework on the weekend. Despite liking the work in general he doesn't want to do it on the weekend.

All of this may change as we address whatever the real pain point is, I think.

He does do double math sheets and the second sheets are too easy, but I think he likes them regardless because he was annoyed he only gets to do them once a day... but I get your point. He has 3x the amt of math homework when all is said and done.

Yeah. And he seems to have more than is typical, because of the language immersion component. I think they feel they need a little extra practice, but it makes for a lot of work for a 1st grader, especially.

I have to agree with those who see this as way too much math, when the math itself is just busy work. He should not have to do all the regular work, plus the extra sheets, plus the homework, when he is not learning from any of it. No wonder the poor little thing is rebelling!

If at all possible, could you talk to the teacher and negotiate down the volume? Ideally, he'd skip the regular work, but if the teacher balks (and they often do) suggest that on the regular work, he does the last row/ last couple/ hardest problems, and then gets to move immediately to something more challenging. Ditto for homework, eliminate if he doesn't need the practice, or do the last couple to prove it, and done. Ideally, ideally, let him bring some AoPS to school instead!

(What I actually did around this age when we got regular math homework was to pick out the hardest question or two, orally check with DS (who has writing issues) whether it was completely obvious (and it always was), and then write on the paper "Reviewed orally with parent, signed X". I could usually do it over 1-2 bites of dinner. Done. On the rare occasion it was a new topic, I'd make him actually do the last couple in writing, just to be sure.)

I've also learned the hard way how important it's been to start building an understanding with my kids about stuff like this as early and consistently as possible. They need to know I've got their back, that I'm listening, that I get it, and that I am actively working on their behalf to change the things at school that are making them most miserable. Some kids shrug off the repetitive worksheets, whip through them and move on. Others feel crushed by the make-work. The battles you pick depend very much on the individual kid. The kids themselves need to know that we have to pick our battles, and also that there are some things we can't change and just have to live with. They are more willing to deal with those knowing we are changing what we can.

So, we did AoPS math today and he loved it. I tread carefully but he was absolutely fine. This math is the only math I feel I have much control over and it's the one the whole family agrees is at the right level and we're all into. So, I don't want to take it away, I do think that would be worse.

The school math issue is interesting. It is SO SHORT. According to his teacher he whips through it in a 2-3 minutes a day. Then, while the rest of the class finishes (about another 20m or so) he can do something independently.

I just doubt getting rid of that will do much. It hardly seems worth the battle. Unless he is taking it personally and is just mad he doesn't get to do his level of math at school, which may be the issue. He acts insulted.

We had a conference with the teacher about another issue and she used the whole "I saw him make a mistake so I know he still has things to learn in 1st grade math" line. He was adding 18+18 mentally and got distracted and didn't keep track of the 1 he carried. He wrote 26. And this was his own problem he made up and doodled for fun (which was actually written as 18x2). So I find that unfair, of course, but I expect to get push back like that if I try to get rid of the class work.

On the homework... the part we struggle to get him to finish is writing sentences. I think this is the only thing in school he has to work at. It's the only area on grade level. I guess the math is related in his mind because he wants the challenge to be more in math and not in this area? I'm not sure. Maybe it is two separate things or maybe it is really too much work in total.

One thing I'm wondering -- after math in that free 20 min or so a day he is given extra worksheets by the teacher. He likes them so she's trying to do the right thing. I wonder though if she would be open to letting him do his AoPS homework in that time period instead? If not that, maybe he can do his writing homework for school during this time so he doesn't have much homework at night, leaving time to finish his AoPS homework during his regular homework time. For some context the other girl that finishes early plays computer games during this time...

I could also see if I can go to his school and pull him out of math once a week and take him to the library to do his afterschool math. But that might be really hard on me and I'm not sure how positive the teacher would be about it.

Can he do a pre-test and if he gets 85% or higher (he should not need to get 100%) can he opt out of most of the classwork and all the homework for that unit? Clearly, he may need compacted instruction if there is something he doesn't quite understand, but it probably won't take much for him to learn it.

Doing the regular classwork and additional worksheets may start to really bother him soon.

I would see if they would do that AOPS in school if he is enjoying it.

You may need to bring in some supporting evidence about differentiation in the classroom (different work, not more work).

Honestly, if I had the chance to go back again, I might have been a real pill of a parent and just told them my kid was not going to do homework at that age. I don't think there would be anything they could have done about it. Doing homework on things way below your level can be maddening. It seems like the "right" thing to do to be upset with your child's attitude, but I disagree. He could have a really great attitude about doing work at his level.

Good luck with your meeting!

He took the end of year 1st grade math test and got 94% or so on it at the end of K. He only missed questions on writing the time on a clock. But the district requires 100% to pass. Basically they don't want anyone to skip until 2nd grade is my take, since it is only 85% required to skip 2nd grade on up.

We really tried working with the system but it is almost set up to meet the legal requirement to have a system and not to help the kids at all.

I gave up on getting real math at school, thus the after-school math. Which has been working so far, but now I don't know if it will work or not.

Talked to the kiddo.

We are going to try a strategy of doing more homework during the day (AoPS and his school homework) as a first step and get him a homework free weekend, which is what he really wants.

He did a good job suggesting solutions. It's a good first step.

I agree, I already have a note prepared for tomorrow actually.

One of his other asks was that we prioritize the AoPS homework the same as the school homework. I think that's fair. The world will not end if he doesn't finish all of his school homework.

Hopefully most of the time he can do both without it being overwhelming, but I think we're willing to sent it back half done from time to time if we need to.

Angie, thank you for posting! I think we're going to be in a very similar situation when our DS reaches 1st grade. I'm very interested in what strategies end up working for your family.

You're welcome. I hope to have a list of what worked some day... ahh that would be nice.

One of the most useful things I've been told is to take it one step (year or semester or whatever) at a time and expect to have to actively adjust/advocate etc along the way. That seems to be true for us and gave us the right mindset going in, I think.

I did really think 1st grade would be a breeze though, I'll admit. It has been easier than K but not as easy as I expected.